The story of my family!

The story of my family.
Well, I am Kirsika, I guess you know that, otherwise how the heck did you make it to my webpage? Google-search? Ok, forgiven! :)
Anyway I have had this in my heart for 2 days now, to write down a little story about my family. Who we are and why we are who we are! I will try to start from the beginning, coz it is a pretty cool and wonderful story. So bear with me! Ok? :)
So here I am, 23 years old, soon to be 24 and soon to live in Wales, but before that there has been one crazy path that we have walked as a family: me, my mum, dad, Vaarika and Ester. Ooh not to forget Mr.Morrisson.
My dad and mum met in Järvamaa, they were young. Very young. I dont know anything about love but I know that they were in love! As so I am told. So I was born while dad was 17 and mum was 18 years old. Young, huh? Now tell me about this. In autumn 1987 they got married when I was 3 months old already and so there we were: me, mum and dad. They were kids with a kid. I know that is not how people should start a family, but my family started that way. A little bit nuts I must say to marry so young, with a kid and no place to live. So they moved in with my grandparents (the parents of my dad) in Järvamaa, Oisu. To live in one house with one´s parents is not a good idea. I mean, you just got married, and you need some privacy. Right?
Mum and dad had no idea about parenting whatsoever. They were just 2 young people who wanted to party and have fun. They wanted to be young. So they partied. A lot. Dad was drunk. Mum wasnt really a mum. They fighted. Ok, now you ask me, how can I say all of this out so loud. Just because I can, just because I know there is a way out.
I´ll continue... So my mom and dad and my grandparents. A big mess if I may say. Oh, I forgot something. Yes, my sister Vaarika was born in 1988 September. So now there were me, mum, dad and my sister. A little family as to say. 4 years we lived with my grandparents. Hard times, basically my granny raised me and Vaarika. She was the mum for us in these years and I was ok with that because I loved her dearly. And thanks to her somehow already in my early years I learned to pray.
Ooh did I mention that at one point another family moved in. And occationally there were 4 families. See, my dad had a brother and a sister. And they had big families. So sometimes we were there with so many people that it went nuts. The house had 2 floors but it was still very small for such a big group of people.
In 4 years or so we decided to move. Ok, my parents decided because they wanted to find a way to manage on their own. Dad was still drinking a lot and had some accidents and stuff and mum had some accidents... But we moved to Saaremaa, the biggest island in Estonia. Just because my mum was originally from there. She was born there and had a house to go to. My other grandparents lived near Oisu already and the house was empty. If you think that things got better then think again. Things got worse.
We had no money, no food, no furniture, no nothing. It was hard, very hard for my dad especially, so he moved back to his parents. They broke up with my mum. Well, that wasnt good for a young mother with 2 small kids.
Did I tell you that my parents had been involved with Christianity and church for a while before we moved to Saaremaa. But they were not accepted the way they were and they gave up. I would have done the same. I mean what young person wants to hear how bad they are doing and they HAVE change and so on and so on. But give a young person love and you´ll see results.
So my mom somehow met these Christians in Orissaare. These weird people who cared for her. Very much. And invited her to the church. My mum accepted them as they accepted her. And I have tears in my eyes as I write this. Coz this is what Christianity is all about. Daddy loves you just the way you are. And so we started praying. Me, my mom and Vaarika. We were small, yes, but we believed. We believed with our tiny hearts. We prayed every evening before going to bed for 3 months. We prayed and prayed. For daddy to come back. We didnt give up. We just couldnt.
Dad came back.
But dad had problems. His drinking-buddies-friends didnt want him to come back. So they followed him to Saaremaa. I remember something very vaguely about this. But all went good in the end. And at one point dad gave his heart to God. That was something. That changed our lives. My family was a young Christian family now.
So the church. Yes, they started to go to church. But we still had no money, no food, almost nothing. But God is wonderful and He ALWAYS, I say always, provided for us. In wintertime, in springtime. I remember living in church one winter, just because it was too cold to be at home. I remember pastors taking care of us like no other. I remember the love we recieved. I remember having my first best friend. I remember having the feeling that Daddy loves us. That Mummy loves us. And I remember the bad stuff that was still there but not so strong anymore.
Well, it wasnt perfect. My mum had to work in a cowbarn in order to earn money. And dad as well. Dad did a lot of work for the church aswell, fixed cars and may I say that HE WAS AWESOME in doing that. He loved fixing cars. And he drove people in church, the pastors, the leaders, thats the place he learned to be obidient. I cant remember everything. But I know he liked it. Remember, this is my side of the story, Im sure they would tell it differently! ;)
Some days we had only bread and warm cowmilk to eat and drink, but as children we didnt care. We had the whole world to discover in the area we lived. There were crazy amount of fields to play in, barns to discover, games to make up. Hide-and-seek.
As we started to go to school, God provided. I mean how little my parents earned and how well we were taken care of.
In school me and Vaarika, well, how to say, we werent accepted straight away. At some point we were teased and chased after. But its ok now. It wasnt ok then. But good also happened in school. I still remember the 2 love-letters I recieved from 2 different boys. Its a shame I dont have them now. It was sweet and heartwarming for a 4th grader! ;)
We were almost the only ones who couldnt afford food in school. But so what, my mum made the best bread and strawberry-jam ever. So we had plenty. :) And we did good in school with Vaarika. We were not bad at all. I loved my little Tagavere Elementary School with 4 classes. I loved it. There was even a little room to play in. ;) And for a little girl, all she needs is a Barbie and she is happy!
Something happend when I was in my 1st grade. My mum got pregnant. That was wonderful news for me and V. I mean we were about to get a little sister or brother to play with. I loved the news. That summer I wasnt in Saaremaa. I was in Oisu with my grandparents when my mum called and said she had the baby. It was a girl, a little Linda. The name of my great-grandmother. A beautiful name right? We were so happy.
We went back to Saaremaa, to our home. My dad and mum loved the little Linda. So did I and Vaarika. She was a beautiful little girl. 6 months later she died. I am still not sure what happened. She went to His heavenly DADDY. And oooh how happy she is now with Him. I know it. It was her funerals, that my grandmom got saved. How glorious. Years later in my grandmom´s funeral, my granddad changed. He had 2 options, to drink himself to death or to give his life to Daddy. So he chose the good choise! (He even graduated Bible School and I was so proud of him). So it was like a chane of turnings. How beautiful.
Yes. Our little Linda, one day we will meet in heaven. I love you!
There is so much I could tell you about the life in Saaremaa. It was wonderful and hard, beautiful and ugly. But mostly it was a time of learning and growth. So much happened that I am not ready to talk about but Daddy is good in all times!
So years passed. I was 10 when God called my parents. Big time. He told them He is gonna change their lives 100% and He did. It all started with a drama called Heavens Gates and Hells Flames. I guess many of you have seen it or even been a part of it. My first role was to be a Sunday-school kid who was driving back home from church with her parents and sister. And in a car there was a conversationg about church, food and a kid they had lost in a car-accident. But you see, my parents had lost a kid as well. It changed something inside of them. It brought healing and restauration.
So they were asked to be a part of the drama in a different way. A couple from Paide, the heart of Estonia, was called to be the leaders in Estonia in Reality Ministry and they invited my parents to co-lead with them. So they said Yes and that YES was for 12 years. Wow, what a journey it was. What a journey. Many many countries, thousands of people, hundreds getting saved (probably thousands). Doing the same drama that changed their lives, all over Europe, was crazy. And as for me as a young girl it was hard in many ways. See, I had to live again with my grandparents. It wasnt bad but it brought a lot of insecurities. We were fed so good that I gained way too much in such a short time. But that story I have written down in another blog...
My parents were away very much, at least 6 months every year. Crazy huh? 2 first years we lived with granny and grandpa, and then my parents decided to have an apartment of their own. It was the best decision ever. I got my own room for the first time. Sweet. :) oh well, the desires of a woman...
For Vaarika their being away affected in many other ways, but it is her story that Im not gonna write down here. She was very different from me. She had her own insecurities and hard times. We were night and day but we still loved each other.
For us it meant also a lot of travelling. I still remember the first time we had a road-trip to Poland. We packed 10 people in a 9-seated van and off we went. It was such a great time driving through so many countries... Good memories.
But see, my parents had still a lot of pain and hurts and unhealed things inside. And I had started to collect stuff as well. I cant say about Vaarika, let her tell her own story! So when the time passed things sometimes got bad. A lot of arguments at home, a lot of insecurities...
When I was 17, I went into anorexia. And my mom had another baby. Ester. Wow, that was sweet coz we had just taken a dog coz we really believed there will be no babies in this house, never again. But she came. Which was crazy, coz then again it changed everything. My mom couldnt travel so much anymore. I mean she had a little baby. Beautiful Ester (Im still wondering now, 6 years later, how the heck she got brown eyes and perfect hair and she is an angel)... Anyways. Mum had hard times with her. She is very hyper-active and senisitive (Im talking about Ester) and it wasnt easy for anyone.
After gratuation high school and coming out from anorexia (which was a miracle on itself) I decided to go to Bible School in Denmark. And so my 9 months there was a life change, since I had always been the girl who never does anything on her own. You can read my blog from that time... Its all written down. It was hard and good, tears and laughter.
I came back in 2007 summer and was clueless what to do next. My parents were now more focused on Baltic countries and so they were a lot in Latvia and Lithuania with the same drama. Drama that talked about heaven and hell but nothing about Fathers unconditonal love.
So I went to a music school, the dream of my life. THE BIG DREAM that somehow came true. :) And in that summer for the first time ever I fell in love. Me, Kirsika fell in love with a latvian boy. Oh it was a beautiful summer-romance. Lasted a little but was too pretty to ruin it with too much sadness about the break-up.
3 years in Eller.
Did I tell you I am a worshiper. My family has always loved music. My dad played drums already as a little boy. He even had his band. Yes, I tell you, he was a heart-breaker. I guess thats why my mum fell in love with him. And did I TELL you my mum sings beautiful? She has such a powerful voice. I guess I just inherited something that my family owns. :)
Anyway, somehow it was hard. I had been in a Christian bubble alllll my life. Never tried smoking, never had alcohol, never had slept with a boy. Never went to any party, never said a bad word. I was the good little Christian girl. With all the insecurities. And all the inner struggles. Thats why it was so easy for me to have anorexia.
So there I was, among all these musicians. But God gave me wonderful friend from this school and also from church. So in all together. Wow. wonderful 3 year. With many many many tears and hard times but with many beautiful memories. My parents supported me 100% so I never had to go to work (once I tried but after 3 months couldnt do it, coz I had a bad hot tea-burnt on my leg). I tell you, my parents are good parents.
God started to work inside of mum and dad some 2 years ago. Things started to change big time again. Being in Finland with people who talked about Fathers love... It was something new. All these wounds started to go open. And all this pain that was there suddenly started to come out.
They had been for years and years under pressure. I am not going to mention names. Whenever they did something wrong, there were people to point their fingure on them. I am not telling about everyone. But a few that mattered to mum and dad. And they had lived under this pressure and not even realizing that it shouldnt be that way.
So suddenly there were people who told them that Daddy can take away the pain.
Btw my sister moved after high school. To Canada. She found a job and friends, her place. Times were not always good to her, but Daddy is faithful. She is about to get married in October, this year 2011 and I cant be more excited about this as I am now. She deserves everything he can offer her and she is happy. And as long as she is happy I am happy with her.
In 2010, February me, mum and dad, we went to our first A-school in Finland. The things Im gonna tell you now, happened for real. I am not lying. I have never before and never after cried so much as in my first A-school. So much things from inside suddenly came up. So did my parents. And I tell you they are not the same parents now as they were 1,5 years ago. Me and my dad, I just sat in his lap and we cried and cried. I was his little princess again. See, my dad never knew how to be a dad, coz he never had a good dad. His dad was an alcoholic (not anymore when we moved there) and never played with him. Never showed love or anything like that. Never. So my dad didnt know how to love me and Vaarika. So he didnt play with us. He didnt tell us how precious we are. And its ok, coz I have forgiven and I love my dad. And you know, NOW he randomly calls me and says he LOVES ME. Do you get it. God only can do this. NOONE else has the power to change people but God.
And so there we were, all 3 of us, realizing we know nothing yet. After that we did 2 more schools last year. And again so much happened. I could write a book only about the 3 schools.
Meanwhile I got engaged. Last year, 2010, 20. July. To a good man. And 2010, December we decided to cancel the engagement. See, I have realized one thing. I cant do anything without peace anymore. NEVER. And I wont. I want to do what is good in Gods eyes and I cant marry if there is no peace. So if you still question and wonder about that decision, then know that I loved Timo. He is wonderful and amazing man of God. But we were not ready to marry. Not yet. One day. And not to each other...
Last year in autumn, my parents were told that they dont have a job anymore. Some things were done behind their backs and Im still dealing with this. I have an issue BUT I know Daddy knows everything and I know how much He loves my parents. And so after that He has been providing. And will keep providing.
I love my parents more then I can say. They are wonderful. Beautiful. Talented. And the love they have for people is crazy. Sometimes there are so many kids, young ppl at our home to whom my mum just cooks pancakes. They can sleep here. It can be their resting-place. They have opened their house for people and the love is here.
Did I tell you about Maria? She is wonderful. And she is my sister. She lived here with us for 2-3 years, who can remember... but yes, my parents just let her live here.
Are you starting to get it now? The story of my family is a miracle. Just to start with that fact that I am alive... My mum could have so easily cancel the preagnancy but she didnt. And to go on with the fact that they even stayed together. And not to mention the fact that they learned to love each other with the love and eyes of God...
And if you still dont get it, then come and visit. We live in Türi-Alliku 3-18. You are more then welcome to come. More then welcome.
Oooh and I wont be here. Coz I have an open door ahead of me. I will go to Wales, Bala, in 2 weeks. I will live there, I will love there and work there, I will let my Daddy hold me there and I will hold others. I will worship there and I know that this is where I am suppose to be.
So this is the story. The crazy story of my family.
I love you all. And I know how much my Daddy loves you. And if you want to know what Im talking about then ask me, ok? :)
Kirsi