Day 15: Storm

Its crazy outside, you should see it... whuu, I had to walk in today, 30 minutes with this weather took my legs away, seriously, I HAD to hold them on the ground, thank God I had heavy boots! :D

So you want my address? Here you go:

Kirsika Maamagi

Glan y Gro, Bala

Gwynedd

LL23 7BT, WALES

Day 14: I carry it in my heart...

I have learned quite a lot of new stuff today. Lets start: baked a banana cake, made bread crumbs (for stuffings I guess), did a room alone (cleaned, changed etc), cooked a lot of pancakes (believe me, its very different here)... Maybe there was smth else but I cant remember.

Not new things: went to post office to send some letters to Estonia, food shopping for Bala, cleaned the whole kitchen after breakfast, cleaned the other kitchen after lunch, made 2 huge turkey/sandwitches... And now Im done finally, whuuuu. :)

I ordered 3 new DVD-s from Amazon (its somehow very cheap here and no post-fees), "Lars and the Real Girl", BBC "Pride and Prejudice" and "PS! I love You!" so its gonna be a movie-time soon... I have been watching a lot of stuff here, yesterday we had "In her shoes" and the day before that "Enchanted" and... so on. :) Whuu I cried quite a lot after hearing the best poem ever... By E. E. Cummings "I carry your heart with me. I carry it in my heart..."

Well, anyway. I mean, its my birthday exactly in a month, so dont you dare to forget me, deal?!! :) hugslovekisses, K

Day 12: Chinese food and 6.am

I woke up at 6am today in order to be ready to leave at 7.20 am. Whuwhu. Love these mornings when I haven´t slept almost all night because of stomach pain or someone´s parties! Anyway. Its been a very hard day. Actually I have had stomach pain since Saturday and... It just doesnt want to leave... Today it spreaded all over my body and I had to take an 1,5 hours nap in between...

Im better now.

We´re gonna have a Chinese food birthday party today for Rosie in 10 minutes or so! :) Rui-Chi is cooking, yumyumyumm! :) Hallelujah, I love birthdays here, so amazing food!

Anyway. I hope all is doing good. I am physically a bit tired. I guess Im not so used to do physical work that much. But its all going better and Im going to be better! I love this place. I love Bala people, everybody´s greets you on street and... I am just in love with God. Yes I am! :) I love His way of telling me He loves me. Through people, through nature, through songs, through letters! :D Yes, I do write to Him! My way of talking to Daddy! :)

And today I really miss my mum and dad. A lot!

PS! I watched 6 hours of BBC Pride and Prejudice on a weekend. AMAZING!

Day10: Day of Rest

Hey beautiful women and handsome men...

I have a day of rest, and also tomorrow. I mean I have 2 days off, but guess what? Im here, in B&B coz its the only place I can use internet. Its 11:55 am or smth here and Im kinda thinking I want to watch a movie today. Maybe Pride and Prejudice? The longer version which is like 6 hours, I think I won´t end it today but I might give it a start anyway... And I need to do a little shopping! :) Food needed in the appartment! Tomorrow I might go to a church with Rui Chi and have a real Sunday! :D haha, just to give it the try. So we´ll see how that goes. And then maybe have a lunch out somewhere.

Its weird to have a day off, not working or anyhing, just being. Oh and I actually slept 9,5 hours tonight, wow, thats a bigbig thing for me!

I have a secret that I cant yet tell, but I think I might have some of my music on a CD in a near future. If that´s in God´s plans then it will happen anyway, right? ;)

hugs, Kirsi

Day8: Facebook

Well. Im back on Facebook. After 7 days. I posted some cool photos there so GO and check them out. It was amazing time without that place. I had so much free time and... anyway.

Im wearing a dress today and I feel beautiful! :) Even though my tummy hurts a bit Im doing good. It is another beautiful day outside and soon Im gonna take a walk again with Susi! :)

Btw, I have a new name now: "Princess Cherry from Estonia! ;)

Day6: cherry-baby

Its around 10.53 am here and its beautiful outside.

So Ive been in the kitchen since 8am today... Around 10 I helped Susi with worship in the chapel and it was amazing again. :) Whooah...

PS! Well, when Robert and Paul came to kitchen in the morning to say hi to me, instead, they started to sing this "cherry-baby" song and I just loved it. They are like papa´s to me! :)

I hope you all got my hugs and greetings and I DO LOVE YOU and miss you very much! I haven´t forgotten any of you, dont worry, ok?! :)

Ooh, I dont know if I mentioned, but it´s a Father´s Heart Holiday week in here, and about 15 guests, so a lot of food making for them every day! But its ok, not so bad at all! ;)

Yesterday I had a long walk with Susi (she is amazing), the worship-leader in this school and ooh again again I just loved the view. I have taken tons of pictures of lambs and nature and so few of people... Oh well, what can I say! :D

Im gonna finish, coz I find it a bit hard to write right now. So bye and... its a day 6 without FB as well! ;)

This is the "sending HUGS" moment. So here it comes: Mum, dad, Ester, Vaarika, Maria, Merku, Raki, Gerlika, Tuuli, Vivia, Liina, Elana+Mihkel, Andrea, Chris-Lydia, Mr.Morrisson, the snowman, Laura, Pille-Riin, Tess, Vootele, Merili, Kristi Saarelt, Liisi, Tim, Taina, Katja, Andrus-Helen, Jenny, Meelike, Benjamin!!

So if you got the hugs and greetings, PLEASE let me know here, ok?!!!!!!!!!!!

Ps! Sry if I didnt name you, please recieve a hug from me also! :)

Day4: Tea-party

First Im gonna answer some questions that some of you probably have about me and Wales!

1. Why do I write blogs so early? Well, because Im an early bird. I wake up around 6 or 7 every morning and there is also this time-difference between UK and Estonia, so if its 6am here then its 8am in Est and Im still in Estonian time, believe me! :)

2. What am I really doing here, in Wales? I guess I havent properly explained it yet! Well, I am not studying and I am not working as a normal worker! I am a volunteer in this place called Fathers House Bala. Its a beautiful Bed&Breakfast in Bala, Wales. I get a pocket-money every week which is bigger then Estonian minimum and I work full-days. But I also rest a lot. I serve breakfast to the guests here, then Im part of a team when there are Father Heart Weeks or Schools, I do beds, clean the rooms (there are 7 rooms) and I also recover and heal from my own stuff. I can rest and I can work. I mean it is not an option not to work, BUT I love working here somehow. F.e. yesterday I was outside picking wood and branches in the forest for 2 hours. It was hard but I loved it. Can´t explain. And I am falling in love every day. With the nature God has made just for ME! :)
I just found this page about Bala: http://www.balawales.com/

3. Was is a run-away from Estonia? Yes and no. I mean I wanted to get away. Believe me, after 6-7 months at home, doing nothing and just waiting, waiting, can get you a bit tired and bored. And so I needed to come. And the break-up was not an easy decision for me (and T). No. So I had an open door. And no door in my life has evernever been so open before so I believe it was from God!

4. Why do I write my blog in English? Well, there is a good reason for that. SO many of my readers are from other countries and I really want them to understand. + I can totally practise my written language that way. And I do love Estonian, very very much and I wish everyone would understand my beautiful language.

5. Am I gonna continue my blog? YESYESYES. I have gotten so many encouraging letters the last 2 months so I am gonna continue. Even if it would be for 2-3 people, I would do it for them! If Im honest then ppl will be honest. I believe there is a time for freedom and that time is NOW. There is a time for honesty and that time is NOW! So bare with me in my nakedness and I promise, something in you wants to be naked and honest as well! :)

6. Why am I fasting from FB? Well, I have my reasons but one of them is this. I got too much addicted. I mean, can one be addicted with alcohol? Yes. Can one be addicted with smoking? Yes. What about eating? Yes... And what about Internet? YES! I spent so much time there, I think 3-4 hours every day and it got worse when we broke up with T. I just needed this attention and constant compliments and so on and so on. I lived on those. So I decided to do something about this, well, the inside of me was actually screaming, take a pause, take a pause. Take a break and fast from it. And to be totally honest Im not sure anymore how long should I do it. Something inside says its gonna be a longer break. I mean, Im gonna check my letters there soon, but the break is gonna continue. Its my 4th day now so...

So the questions are answered. Today Im gonna move to the flat finally. Living here, in the attic has been fun, but its not my home yet. So Im gonna make my room my home, my place of rest. Im not sure which room I want yet but I´ll see and when I have decided I´ll post pictures of that. We are also gonna have like 15 ppl coming today. Whuuu, thats a lot. But anyway yeah, a looot of cooking and cleaning ahead.
And yesteday we had the sweetest tea-birthday-party for Vicki´s and Robert´s daughter Sarah who turns 28 or smth... I´ll put some pictures here as well! :) It was so delicios and sweet. And we´re gonna have 3 birthdays coming soon, so there´ll be plenty of parties! :D

Bye and have a beautiful SUN DAY! (ps! In Estonian it´s a Holy Day!)

Day3: The King´s Speech

I was moved yesterday while I watched the best movie I have seen in a while. I was surprised and amazed and wow, can this be real. The way this movie was built up, whooah. I totally suggest you to go and see it or rent it or smth... And I was in the Cinema where they still use the old style. I mean they had to change something during the film, so it was a little pause and then we continued. I dont know the right words but yeah, they definitely didnt use a nowadays projector and a dvd player... :D And the place was oooold but a very great experience indeed. I think Im gonna visit that place a bit more in the future.

I wanted to share something else with you. I can see more love in here then I have ever seen anywhere else. Let me explain. Vicki and Robert are definitely in their 60´s and they are the sweetest couple ever. Robert calls her babe and sweetheart and names like that. I mean wow? Vicki had a new haircut some days ago and Robert still says things like :"Hey babe, you look gorgeous!!" and "Wow, your hair is beautiful!" to her... MEN, TAKE YOUR EXAMPLE! Say to your wife or girlfriend or just a female friend that they look beautiful. Notice their new clothes, hair-styles... Be the man. Robert is the man. And I love being around them. He even told me that I dont have to worry about finding a husband one day, I think u get the point. He thinks I am beautiful as well. And that makes me feel good about myself! Just be the man you are created to be. Dont be the "Im gonna watch sports all day long from TV and Im not gonna even notice my wife and kids" kind of guy. Be the man. Be the hero your wife needs you to be. And believe me in the presence of a hero every women is a heroin. Every woman wakes up as a flower wakes up to sun. Be the man you´re created to be. I am not ordering you, Im just telling there is a different way out then just sitting and being the quiet Sunday guy who has no adventures inside. Believe me, every man needs an adventure and a heroin to rescue.

I started to preach, fiiine, I´ll stop! :D No I won´t.
Actually when I saw "The King´s speech" I also noticed something about the lady there. She was always with him. She didn´t push him but supported him in his decisions. He was the real woman in the presence of his man. He wanted him to succeed and he did. She loved him so much and wow, what a woman. I mean he couldn´t speak properly and she just loved. He had a hidden anger inside and she loved. He was sad and she loved. He was almost failing and she loved. And then when he succeeded, she loved. Loved!
The end.

Ps! It´s my 3rd day without FB, so be patient with me if I haven´t answered to your letters. You can always e-mail me or skype me or smth like that. :)
Kirsi

Day2, part2: spring is here!

So, today Ive been working quite a lot actually. I thought I won´t but I wanted to help Vicki and Robert... I was cutting branches outside for 1,5 hours and did some other stuff. It was fun and I loved it actually even though I have cuts on my hands now. I am outdoor person. I have been walking a lot and just admiring the nature. Whoah, this is paradise on earth for me. And Im not kidding. It is breath-taking around here. Wow, I am amazed.

Plus the amount of animals Ive seen today... Haha, lets start with a squirrel who ran away from me in the morning. Then 3 wild rabbits, a grouse, huge amounts of ducks, not to mention lambs and sheep, and my most precious discovery is this beautiful bird starling (ooh and there are many here) and some other birds I dont know. I love this feeling of being in the nature. I mean I can just go outside and drown inside this beauty, I breath in and out and I feel refreshed.

I am thankful and I believe this is gonna be my year of rest finally. Even though I work, it feels like Im just helping my family! :)

Oh and just look at the color of this flower. There are flowers opening up everywhere... Uuuh I am in a season of spring finally!

Ps! I am gonna go to the movies in the evening, my first time in Wales. Chool! :D

Ps! Did I already mention I totally hit my head to a sealing in the night while I visited "the place"!! :D

Day2: Baby-lambs

My yesterday was strange and good. I slept most of the day. I woke up, went back to bed. Woke up, went back to bed. And in the evening went to sleep arpund 10pm again... I think Im getting back all those stolen sleeps in here that have been missing. Anyway. After the 3rd sleep I needed some fresh air and went outside to take pictures of the sheep. And I found what I was looking for: baby-sheep, little lambs. Wow, I was so amazed and so in love with them, but they wanted to run away of course. Im gonna continue visiting them so maybe in a while they will recognize me and let me be with them.
I have to say ppl in Wales are weird. Haha, well, let me explain. They eat so little all day long, salad or soup for lunch and then suddenly around 8pm they have such a huge feast. We had potatoes, vegetables, chicken and for dessert we had ice cream, custard (with amazing fruit in it), and I made something (I cant remember the name) from egg whites. It was crazy amount of food. And later we watched Surf´s Up! :) Good day I must say. A day of rest! :)
So today NO PLANS. Bueno. WHoohohoo. I am gonna sleep, eat and maybe go to a cinema. ;)
Hugs to you as you read this. I miss you very much (ok, maybe if I dunno you, then I dont know to miss you!)! :)

Day1: safely in Wales

Nr.1. Im not gonna use FB for a week starting today. You can send me a lot of stuff there so when I go back in a week Ill be shocked and surprised and loved! :)

Nr.2. Im good, I arrived yesterday night around 2.30am in Estonian time. It was hard times falling a sleep, it felt like a spiritual fight but then I left the door opened and fell straight to sleep!

Nr.3. I just looked out the window and it is true, THERE ARE BABY-SHEEP everywhere and this is new to me. Wow, so sweet... Im gonna take pics and post them here at one point.

Nr.4. I have an amazing friend in Estonia who came me her good camera. Well she bought a new one for herself BUT who gives away a camera that she got just a year ago and is still very very Good. I love you R! :)

Nr.5. Whenever you start to miss me, go to YOUTUBE.COM and listen to my songs. We made 2 really sweet videos with Margus just the night before I left Estonia and I believe you will be blessed by these videos!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bJzVnevswY0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DMtR39uGWhA

Nr.6. I love you and miss you already, my friend. But know Im safe here, Im loved here and blessed. Im with a family and Im with God. Yesterday this french man also tried to convince me in the airport that God does not excist and is invented for the weak people, BUT MY GOD excists not matter what people try to tell me. I have an awesome Daddy God who has changed my life and who is my strenght. And yes I am weak and He is strong in ME!

Nr.7. But this french man also told me I am a princess and in a way I believe he was sent by God!

Nr.8. I cant wait to see what God has for YOU! Let me know how are you, ok? If you keep a blog I dont know about, let me know! :) Write e-mails to me or write to FB, I will check it in a week. kirss_87@hotmail.com and kirsika.maamagi@mail.ee

Nr.9. Its gonna be a great day. :) Believe it and recieve it!

Nr.10. Sending my love to you and hugs! :)

Faithful Father

Freedom (Vabadus)

Faithful Father

So I got a revelation today.
Remember this song FAITHFUL FATHER that I sang allll the time after I came back from Denmark. Well, now I know why.
Back then I really had no idea who my Father really is. Ok, I knew who my earthly one ise, but I didnt know my Heavely Daddy. Now I know. And now when I sing this song, I know to WHO I am really singing! :) whooah!
So today we did a new version with Margus and here is the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bJzVnevswY0

Enjoy your Daddy´s love when u listen this! :)

Ester

I think she is amazing. She is pretty sick today, with a fever and hard coughing and she has been singing all day long. Playing on her own and just trying to handle the sickness in her tiny body. Now mum is reading her a bed-time story and then... off to sleep she goes.

Just an hour ago she wanted to play with me. I had a barbie and she had a barbie and then suddenly I had an idea. I wanted to dress up, so I put a dress on. She told me to put high heels as well, then ran to her room, took this crown and a stick and some fairy-wings and made me a princess. SHE MADE ME A PRINCESS. whooah. This is so freeing. I am a princess. And she is my little princess.

And Im gonna miss her very very much.

K

freedom

This is how I know what love is.

Saaremaa has been amazing so far. Wow, I have such a special family. And I have such a beautiful Daddy in heaven.
There is such a freedom in worship. God has been changing something in me and it is a bit scary but it is wonderful. I tell you this is WONDERFUL.
For freedom He has set us free. :) So one more time: for freedom HE has set US freeeee! :) Hallelujah.

Im sending hugs to everyone I know and dont know. I love you and know that you are created to worship God. :) He loves you, YOU are His and He is YOURS! :)

coz Im cool joujou

No seriously. Im cool. :D Haha, I put on big red earrings that a friend of mine made and then a red vest and Im gonna wear my cool new boots with of course RED laces... SAAREMAA, here I come ready or not! :D

A song

I just found the lyrics of the first song that I made... wow, I had no idea that I had made this one.
06.09.2006 in DENMARK!
***

She is empty
She´s searching and can´t find
Calling and can´t hear

O where are you?
She´s looking and can´t see
She´s hiding and can´t see

She is too afraid to fall
She is too afraid to hurt
She knows her life´s a mess
And she can´t help
Her eyes are just too closed
Her faith is just too weak
And she can´t help
---
Then He comes and she finds
Then He comes and she hears
Then He comes and she sees
She knows it´s Him
She knows it´s Jesus

Then He comes and lifts her up
Then He comes and gives her strenght
Then He comes and says "I love you"
And says "I love you"
And says "I love you"

She was empty
But now she has a God
She knows a place of safe
No more weakness
Coz now she has a God
Coz now she has a God

6 days

I have 6 days left in Estonia. And when I think about it I get teary-weary.
I had another awesome day yesterday. Woke up early of course, then took a long morning doing nothing and well actually I cleaned secretly here when all the girls had to go to school or work and... aroun 12ish went to a huge mall with Elana. Did some 3 hours shopping, just walking, bought 2-3 little things, nothing big at all. I have almost all things from my list by now (I made a huge list what to bring to Wales) and that feels good. :) Had a great time there, just not running or anything... Later we went to Elana´s place, she made me a wonderful lunch and ooooh she made chocolate cake which melted in my mouth, seriously the best thing EVER. THE BEST. :)
Vivia joined us for a bit and then we went to Jenny´s home-group. Wonderful prayer, worship etc. Uuuh I loved these girls, women of Daddy! They are soooo precious and priceless. Pure gold in my life! :)

So my last day in Tartu. wow. wowowowowowow. I´ll be back here in 7 months and thats a bit scary... :)

Anyways. Love and hugs.

:)

I think I had the greatest women´s day ever. I dont remember celebrating it before in my 23 years but yesterday. wow. Let me start from the beginning.

I woke up early, that was not so great, then I cried a bit, not so great either.

But then I took an 11 o´clock bus to Tartu and arrived at 1.pm. Called Elana and she was free, wow. And so I bought a huge cake for 2 of us, some potato salad and went to her place. We had such a sweet time. Talked, watched through her wedding pics, talked some more, couldnt finish the cake... ;)

So after that... Well, she had to go to work at 3.45 so I went to a huge mall, sat in a huge book store an hour and used free Internet. ;) Then met with Liina, she is wonderful btw. We went to a cafe and Vivia (she is the best of bests in my life) joined us a bit later. Uuuuh such a great time with soup and another cake and... well let me say, I just enjoyed being a woman yesterday.

But in the middle another cool thing happened. Well, when I was walking to Elana´s place a sweet young man approached me on a street, handed me some flowers, gave me a hug and kiss on a cheek and... well, I know I know, he was from Reformierakond, politics and stuff, BUT it was still sweet and cool. And I enjoyed being a beautiful woman. ;)

So after cafe I met another good friend for 20 minutes outside. Said goodbye to him for 7 months at least and... then walked home with Vivia. And spent the evening with Andrea, Vivia and Eeva. Well all of them did their own stuff and I kinda ran from one to another but it was GREAT. I mean I got to spend the day with 5 beautiful amazing and talented women!!! What more could I want? :) and ps! I made something small for every one of them and believe me, what can bring you more pleasure then seeing their smiling faces and hearts filled with joy, I loooove it! :)

And here I am now. Its 8am and Im drinking tea and just enjoying the morning without Mr.Morrisson... :D

Ooh and here is one picture from summer 2010. Elana+Mihkel´s wedding. I think its a wonderful picture. :)

Hugs to you todaaaaay. :)

Issi

"Ilusat Naistepäeva ilusale tütrele!"

:)

Dear women!

This is to all my wonderful ladies out there:

* You are wonderfully and fearfully made!

* God loves YOU and I love you!

* You are the crown of the creation, God made you last, without you the picture would be incomplete!

* You are perfect!

* May this day be amazing for you and full of love and hope!!!!

* Im sending a hug to everyone of you!

* And remember: WOMEN ARE MYSTERIES TO BE ENJOYED, NOT PROBLEMS TO BE SOLVED!

* Have a wonderful International Women´s day!

day

it was a very good day. I think. and it was a very hard day. I know.

I have been missing him so much in the last few days. and Im not gonna lie. I am just a little bit down lately. still not understanding the plan of God but trusting.

and Im going to be honest about another thing. see, the reason why I take more pictures of myself (lately) is that somehow Im lacking self-confidence now. its like somehow I dont feel worthy and beautiful and good enough. somehow I feel like Im not who I should be so I want people to tell me that I am.

see, there is this scripture in Bible: ALL BEAUTIFUL YOU ARE MY DARLING; THERE IS NO FLAW IN YOU. and I pray that I would recieve that revelation as soon as possible because I know that taking pictures is not gonna help me. other peoples sayings are not going to help me. missing him is not gonna help me. getting all these compliments is not gonna help me.
my daddy and him only is the one to come through with this revelation.

so dont judge me if I take too many pictures. Im just a bit confused. see, in a way I also know that Im pretty but somehow its twisted. I once wrote a blog about this make-up thing. as soon as I have make-up on I feel beautiful and good. and then when in the end of the day Im removing it... believe me you dont want to know whats going on in my head. yes, Im honest right now. you are seeing me naked. not physically but emotionally.

but Im rather naked then hiding and running.

so bear with me.

hug me and love me the way I am.

I was in a church today. and the pastor was praying about our future husbands and wives. I mean the ones who were single of course. wow. I have never heard a pastor praying about this topic. I loved it and almost started crying. it was so beautiful. thank you.
and now here I am, its 9.23.pm. Im really super excited about the coming weekend and the whole week in general. going to Tartu for 2 days and then on Friday going to Saaremaa.
my last week in Estonia. bye bye my dear country. but Im coming back and one day Im gonna marry an estonian. well, at least I hope so.

yours, naked Kirsika. ;)

beibi its a new day

I woke up with an awful stomachpain and had to run to the toilet. Oh well, 6.20. am. Another early morning... I mean I cant fall a sleep after waking up, some can, I cant. Tried that, big fail.

But its a new day. A brand new day.
Im gonna have a little pancake-thingy today with 2 friends. They´ll be here around 1pm and then I´ll go to a concert with a cousin whom I love very very very much. She is awesome!!! ;)

Saturday.
Im gonna go to Tartu on Tueseday. I really have to meet with some people before I´ll leave for 6-7 months. Its crazy, Im gonna miss all my beautiful friends. Oh well, its just a time to move on for me. But I know that deep friendships remain!!!! :)

HUGS for today! :)
K

Curls

Now, who said that my hair never gets curly?


WOW. You were the painting, Jesus was the model and God was the artist!

...

I have sleeping problems. I pray that they would pass but so far... well. Anyway I wake up very early, every morning around 7am or earlier... So today was no exception.

But today I decided to do something different.

I wanted my home to smell good.

So I made muesli with a looot of chocolate.

And believe me, there is nothing better then the smell of home-made muesli with chunks of chocolate in it... And its 3.pm and my home still smells sooo good.

I also had a visitor today. Wow, we had such a good conversation and I hadnt seen this person for sooo long. I love these tea-conversations. You just take the biggest cup you have and then you can just talk and talk... Its been a very good day so far. :)

So this is the crazy family that the story was about... :)

The story of my family!

The story of my family.
Well, I am Kirsika, I guess you know that, otherwise how the heck did you make it to my webpage? Google-search? Ok, forgiven! :)
Anyway I have had this in my heart for 2 days now, to write down a little story about my family. Who we are and why we are who we are! I will try to start from the beginning, coz it is a pretty cool and wonderful story. So bear with me! Ok? :)
So here I am, 23 years old, soon to be 24 and soon to live in Wales, but before that there has been one crazy path that we have walked as a family: me, my mum, dad, Vaarika and Ester. Ooh not to forget Mr.Morrisson.
My dad and mum met in Järvamaa, they were young. Very young. I dont know anything about love but I know that they were in love! As so I am told. So I was born while dad was 17 and mum was 18 years old. Young, huh? Now tell me about this. In autumn 1987 they got married when I was 3 months old already and so there we were: me, mum and dad. They were kids with a kid. I know that is not how people should start a family, but my family started that way. A little bit nuts I must say to marry so young, with a kid and no place to live. So they moved in with my grandparents (the parents of my dad) in Järvamaa, Oisu. To live in one house with one´s parents is not a good idea. I mean, you just got married, and you need some privacy. Right?
Mum and dad had no idea about parenting whatsoever. They were just 2 young people who wanted to party and have fun. They wanted to be young. So they partied. A lot. Dad was drunk. Mum wasnt really a mum. They fighted. Ok, now you ask me, how can I say all of this out so loud. Just because I can, just because I know there is a way out.
I´ll continue... So my mom and dad and my grandparents. A big mess if I may say. Oh, I forgot something. Yes, my sister Vaarika was born in 1988 September. So now there were me, mum, dad and my sister. A little family as to say. 4 years we lived with my grandparents. Hard times, basically my granny raised me and Vaarika. She was the mum for us in these years and I was ok with that because I loved her dearly. And thanks to her somehow already in my early years I learned to pray.
Ooh did I mention that at one point another family moved in. And occationally there were 4 families. See, my dad had a brother and a sister. And they had big families. So sometimes we were there with so many people that it went nuts. The house had 2 floors but it was still very small for such a big group of people.
In 4 years or so we decided to move. Ok, my parents decided because they wanted to find a way to manage on their own. Dad was still drinking a lot and had some accidents and stuff and mum had some accidents... But we moved to Saaremaa, the biggest island in Estonia. Just because my mum was originally from there. She was born there and had a house to go to. My other grandparents lived near Oisu already and the house was empty. If you think that things got better then think again. Things got worse.
We had no money, no food, no furniture, no nothing. It was hard, very hard for my dad especially, so he moved back to his parents. They broke up with my mum. Well, that wasnt good for a young mother with 2 small kids.
Did I tell you that my parents had been involved with Christianity and church for a while before we moved to Saaremaa. But they were not accepted the way they were and they gave up. I would have done the same. I mean what young person wants to hear how bad they are doing and they HAVE change and so on and so on. But give a young person love and you´ll see results.
So my mom somehow met these Christians in Orissaare. These weird people who cared for her. Very much. And invited her to the church. My mum accepted them as they accepted her. And I have tears in my eyes as I write this. Coz this is what Christianity is all about. Daddy loves you just the way you are. And so we started praying. Me, my mom and Vaarika. We were small, yes, but we believed. We believed with our tiny hearts. We prayed every evening before going to bed for 3 months. We prayed and prayed. For daddy to come back. We didnt give up. We just couldnt.
Dad came back.
But dad had problems. His drinking-buddies-friends didnt want him to come back. So they followed him to Saaremaa. I remember something very vaguely about this. But all went good in the end. And at one point dad gave his heart to God. That was something. That changed our lives. My family was a young Christian family now.
So the church. Yes, they started to go to church. But we still had no money, no food, almost nothing. But God is wonderful and He ALWAYS, I say always, provided for us. In wintertime, in springtime. I remember living in church one winter, just because it was too cold to be at home. I remember pastors taking care of us like no other. I remember the love we recieved. I remember having my first best friend. I remember having the feeling that Daddy loves us. That Mummy loves us. And I remember the bad stuff that was still there but not so strong anymore.
Well, it wasnt perfect. My mum had to work in a cowbarn in order to earn money. And dad as well. Dad did a lot of work for the church aswell, fixed cars and may I say that HE WAS AWESOME in doing that. He loved fixing cars. And he drove people in church, the pastors, the leaders, thats the place he learned to be obidient. I cant remember everything. But I know he liked it. Remember, this is my side of the story, Im sure they would tell it differently! ;)
Some days we had only bread and warm cowmilk to eat and drink, but as children we didnt care. We had the whole world to discover in the area we lived. There were crazy amount of fields to play in, barns to discover, games to make up. Hide-and-seek.
As we started to go to school, God provided. I mean how little my parents earned and how well we were taken care of.
In school me and Vaarika, well, how to say, we werent accepted straight away. At some point we were teased and chased after. But its ok now. It wasnt ok then. But good also happened in school. I still remember the 2 love-letters I recieved from 2 different boys. Its a shame I dont have them now. It was sweet and heartwarming for a 4th grader! ;)
We were almost the only ones who couldnt afford food in school. But so what, my mum made the best bread and strawberry-jam ever. So we had plenty. :) And we did good in school with Vaarika. We were not bad at all. I loved my little Tagavere Elementary School with 4 classes. I loved it. There was even a little room to play in. ;) And for a little girl, all she needs is a Barbie and she is happy!
Something happend when I was in my 1st grade. My mum got pregnant. That was wonderful news for me and V. I mean we were about to get a little sister or brother to play with. I loved the news. That summer I wasnt in Saaremaa. I was in Oisu with my grandparents when my mum called and said she had the baby. It was a girl, a little Linda. The name of my great-grandmother. A beautiful name right? We were so happy.
We went back to Saaremaa, to our home. My dad and mum loved the little Linda. So did I and Vaarika. She was a beautiful little girl. 6 months later she died. I am still not sure what happened. She went to His heavenly DADDY. And oooh how happy she is now with Him. I know it. It was her funerals, that my grandmom got saved. How glorious. Years later in my grandmom´s funeral, my granddad changed. He had 2 options, to drink himself to death or to give his life to Daddy. So he chose the good choise! (He even graduated Bible School and I was so proud of him). So it was like a chane of turnings. How beautiful.
Yes. Our little Linda, one day we will meet in heaven. I love you!
There is so much I could tell you about the life in Saaremaa. It was wonderful and hard, beautiful and ugly. But mostly it was a time of learning and growth. So much happened that I am not ready to talk about but Daddy is good in all times!
So years passed. I was 10 when God called my parents. Big time. He told them He is gonna change their lives 100% and He did. It all started with a drama called Heavens Gates and Hells Flames. I guess many of you have seen it or even been a part of it. My first role was to be a Sunday-school kid who was driving back home from church with her parents and sister. And in a car there was a conversationg about church, food and a kid they had lost in a car-accident. But you see, my parents had lost a kid as well. It changed something inside of them. It brought healing and restauration.
So they were asked to be a part of the drama in a different way. A couple from Paide, the heart of Estonia, was called to be the leaders in Estonia in Reality Ministry and they invited my parents to co-lead with them. So they said Yes and that YES was for 12 years. Wow, what a journey it was. What a journey. Many many countries, thousands of people, hundreds getting saved (probably thousands). Doing the same drama that changed their lives, all over Europe, was crazy. And as for me as a young girl it was hard in many ways. See, I had to live again with my grandparents. It wasnt bad but it brought a lot of insecurities. We were fed so good that I gained way too much in such a short time. But that story I have written down in another blog...
My parents were away very much, at least 6 months every year. Crazy huh? 2 first years we lived with granny and grandpa, and then my parents decided to have an apartment of their own. It was the best decision ever. I got my own room for the first time. Sweet. :) oh well, the desires of a woman...
For Vaarika their being away affected in many other ways, but it is her story that Im not gonna write down here. She was very different from me. She had her own insecurities and hard times. We were night and day but we still loved each other.
For us it meant also a lot of travelling. I still remember the first time we had a road-trip to Poland. We packed 10 people in a 9-seated van and off we went. It was such a great time driving through so many countries... Good memories.
But see, my parents had still a lot of pain and hurts and unhealed things inside. And I had started to collect stuff as well. I cant say about Vaarika, let her tell her own story! So when the time passed things sometimes got bad. A lot of arguments at home, a lot of insecurities...
When I was 17, I went into anorexia. And my mom had another baby. Ester. Wow, that was sweet coz we had just taken a dog coz we really believed there will be no babies in this house, never again. But she came. Which was crazy, coz then again it changed everything. My mom couldnt travel so much anymore. I mean she had a little baby. Beautiful Ester (Im still wondering now, 6 years later, how the heck she got brown eyes and perfect hair and she is an angel)... Anyways. Mum had hard times with her. She is very hyper-active and senisitive (Im talking about Ester) and it wasnt easy for anyone.
After gratuation high school and coming out from anorexia (which was a miracle on itself) I decided to go to Bible School in Denmark. And so my 9 months there was a life change, since I had always been the girl who never does anything on her own. You can read my blog from that time... Its all written down. It was hard and good, tears and laughter.
I came back in 2007 summer and was clueless what to do next. My parents were now more focused on Baltic countries and so they were a lot in Latvia and Lithuania with the same drama. Drama that talked about heaven and hell but nothing about Fathers unconditonal love.
So I went to a music school, the dream of my life. THE BIG DREAM that somehow came true. :) And in that summer for the first time ever I fell in love. Me, Kirsika fell in love with a latvian boy. Oh it was a beautiful summer-romance. Lasted a little but was too pretty to ruin it with too much sadness about the break-up.
3 years in Eller.
Did I tell you I am a worshiper. My family has always loved music. My dad played drums already as a little boy. He even had his band. Yes, I tell you, he was a heart-breaker. I guess thats why my mum fell in love with him. And did I TELL you my mum sings beautiful? She has such a powerful voice. I guess I just inherited something that my family owns. :)
Anyway, somehow it was hard. I had been in a Christian bubble alllll my life. Never tried smoking, never had alcohol, never had slept with a boy. Never went to any party, never said a bad word. I was the good little Christian girl. With all the insecurities. And all the inner struggles. Thats why it was so easy for me to have anorexia.
So there I was, among all these musicians. But God gave me wonderful friend from this school and also from church. So in all together. Wow. wonderful 3 year. With many many many tears and hard times but with many beautiful memories. My parents supported me 100% so I never had to go to work (once I tried but after 3 months couldnt do it, coz I had a bad hot tea-burnt on my leg). I tell you, my parents are good parents.
God started to work inside of mum and dad some 2 years ago. Things started to change big time again. Being in Finland with people who talked about Fathers love... It was something new. All these wounds started to go open. And all this pain that was there suddenly started to come out.
They had been for years and years under pressure. I am not going to mention names. Whenever they did something wrong, there were people to point their fingure on them. I am not telling about everyone. But a few that mattered to mum and dad. And they had lived under this pressure and not even realizing that it shouldnt be that way.
So suddenly there were people who told them that Daddy can take away the pain.
Btw my sister moved after high school. To Canada. She found a job and friends, her place. Times were not always good to her, but Daddy is faithful. She is about to get married in October, this year 2011 and I cant be more excited about this as I am now. She deserves everything he can offer her and she is happy. And as long as she is happy I am happy with her.
In 2010, February me, mum and dad, we went to our first A-school in Finland. The things Im gonna tell you now, happened for real. I am not lying. I have never before and never after cried so much as in my first A-school. So much things from inside suddenly came up. So did my parents. And I tell you they are not the same parents now as they were 1,5 years ago. Me and my dad, I just sat in his lap and we cried and cried. I was his little princess again. See, my dad never knew how to be a dad, coz he never had a good dad. His dad was an alcoholic (not anymore when we moved there) and never played with him. Never showed love or anything like that. Never. So my dad didnt know how to love me and Vaarika. So he didnt play with us. He didnt tell us how precious we are. And its ok, coz I have forgiven and I love my dad. And you know, NOW he randomly calls me and says he LOVES ME. Do you get it. God only can do this. NOONE else has the power to change people but God.
And so there we were, all 3 of us, realizing we know nothing yet. After that we did 2 more schools last year. And again so much happened. I could write a book only about the 3 schools.
Meanwhile I got engaged. Last year, 2010, 20. July. To a good man. And 2010, December we decided to cancel the engagement. See, I have realized one thing. I cant do anything without peace anymore. NEVER. And I wont. I want to do what is good in Gods eyes and I cant marry if there is no peace. So if you still question and wonder about that decision, then know that I loved Timo. He is wonderful and amazing man of God. But we were not ready to marry. Not yet. One day. And not to each other...
Last year in autumn, my parents were told that they dont have a job anymore. Some things were done behind their backs and Im still dealing with this. I have an issue BUT I know Daddy knows everything and I know how much He loves my parents. And so after that He has been providing. And will keep providing.
I love my parents more then I can say. They are wonderful. Beautiful. Talented. And the love they have for people is crazy. Sometimes there are so many kids, young ppl at our home to whom my mum just cooks pancakes. They can sleep here. It can be their resting-place. They have opened their house for people and the love is here.
Did I tell you about Maria? She is wonderful. And she is my sister. She lived here with us for 2-3 years, who can remember... but yes, my parents just let her live here.
Are you starting to get it now? The story of my family is a miracle. Just to start with that fact that I am alive... My mum could have so easily cancel the preagnancy but she didnt. And to go on with the fact that they even stayed together. And not to mention the fact that they learned to love each other with the love and eyes of God...
And if you still dont get it, then come and visit. We live in Türi-Alliku 3-18. You are more then welcome to come. More then welcome.
Oooh and I wont be here. Coz I have an open door ahead of me. I will go to Wales, Bala, in 2 weeks. I will live there, I will love there and work there, I will let my Daddy hold me there and I will hold others. I will worship there and I know that this is where I am suppose to be.
So this is the story. The crazy story of my family.
I love you all. And I know how much my Daddy loves you. And if you want to know what Im talking about then ask me, ok? :)
Kirsi

Yesterday

Nono, Im not gonna sing that song.
But something beautiful happened y-day that I want to remember.
Ive been home alone for 5 days now and Im kinda loosing my mind. But then I took a walk outside (ok I actually took 5 walks, but...) and I was walking near forest and suddenly saw 5 dears running away from me. It was beeeeautiful and I shouted in joy. It filled my heart with happiness! :)
Anyway, sometimes its the little things that matter, not big at all. The little things that happen to make us happy. The little things we can do to make others happy. :)

SENDING MY love to you today! :)
K

My favourite II

Its 8.12.am and Ive been up an hour. Took my dog outside and now Im here with a big cup of green tea and loving it. Btw I realized there is one very strange thing about my dog that I actually like. Everytime after eating his food he comes to the door and burps really loud as if to let me know he liked the food, then blinks his eyes and leaves. :)

Anyway here I am thinking about the things I like. Im just gonna go now...
I LIKE...
*putting pictures in frames,
*singing while Vivia is playing piano,
*having my room clean all the time,
*collecting stuff (yes stuff),
*putting on make-up coz it makes me feel pretty,
*walking in springtime coz then you can collect all kinda flowers and put them in your room later on,
*writing my blog coz I know that people are reading it all over the world and it shows who I really am, with all my emotions and feelings...
*my parents, they are wonderful,
*talking to my girls, just hanging, crying if needed in their arms, watching movies,
*Ugly Betty,
*when ppl take pictures of me coz I want to learn to love myself,
*my cherry-red lip-gloss/protector (if anyone knows where to get new one, tell me too),
*green tea,
*tulips, especially yellow tulips,
*dark chocolate and peppermint ice-cream,
*to be me,
*to travel (let me count: Finland, Norway, Sweden, Denmark, Latvia, Lithuania, Poland, Germany, Italy, United Kingdom, Faeroe Island, Aland, Holland = 13),
*to discover new things in me, like the fact that I can do silly dancing actually,
*bags, as a 14-15 year old I was a bag-freak, had tons of bags and belts...

I like that I like and love! :)

My favourite

I feel like writing down some of my favourite stuff.
Just in case so I would remember in 10 years!!!! :)

***

My favourite...

Colour - purple & turquioise

Love - God

Book - SEX GOD

Animal - Mr.Morrisson (despite the fact that he snores and is annoying) ;)

Moment this year - while I was in Bala, I realized I want to go back there

Movie - "Lars and the Real girl"

Quote - "Women are mysteries to be enjoyed, not problems to be solved!"

Hug - my heavenly Daddy´s hug

Sister - Vaarika and Ester ;)

Event - the one to come, Vaarika+Chris MacDonald

Shoes - my new ones

Clothing - jeans and some long shirt + sweater

Time - the winter has past and the springTIME has come!

Place - in my Father´s arms

House - Fathers House Bala

Parents - my parents
Food - healthy

Activity - rip-cut-glue, all kinda craftwork (making cards etc)

Music - something I could dance to. Yes, I dance now. :D on my own!

Worship - soaking in His presence

Dream - I cant tell. shh. its a secret!

Im a surprised and shocked at the same time.
So as a Christian I do love people and I will forgive when mistakes have been made. But I have a question in my heart and I dont know what to do with that.
People around me are getting pregnant and having babies. Which is good and wonderful and children are a blessing... etc. BUT if these women are Christians and not married???..!!
I know I am not gonna point my finger to anyone here, I dont feel like doing that.
But what about marriage first and then babies and all that other stuff??? I really dont know how to deal with these thoughts anymore so Im letting them out here. Yes, I do understand that these things happen, but I know so many Christians who just live together with their boyfriends, have sex and get kids.
But somehow in my heart there is and will be the knowledge that Im gonna wait with all of that until I get married. Until I wear THE dress and until I know that I know that I know that now it is blessed in Gods eyes and I can have sex and babies. I think this is the order how it should be. And yes, maybe I will make mistakes. And maybe and maybe and maybe but I believe we should and CAN wait.
You can critizise me for saying that out loud but I am raised that way and I believe this should be the right order. AND Im sorry if I offended someone. And I do love all these wonderful women who have babies and are not married but I want to believe that there are women in this world who are willing to wait for the right timing.

K

Uus päev

Täna on sombune õues. Ja kell on alles 8:21... Olen juba kaks tundi üleval olnud. Ma tõusen viimasel ajal hiiglama vara ülesse ja hakkan tegutsema. Mmh, mis täna teha. On alles teisipäev ja mul on veel 1,5 nädalat üksi kodus olla. Tule mulle külla ok? :)