Words pouring...

Why do we hurt each other when we should love and forgive and forget! I mean esp with the closest ones to us! With the ones who actually care!
I mean, do you know what Im saying here? Because thats how we all do it to some measure, to some degree. We say bad things to our loved ones, we do things we regret. And we hurt them. We dont even "mean" it. Thats how I apologize usually. "Im sorry, I didnt even mean it." After an outburst or something I apologize (and we should) but why is it like that? Why?
Because these are the people that are safe. These are the people we can be real with. The people that love us unconditionally.
I just wish that Id say less and act more. The way it should be. Act more love, say less shit.

Its been a bit troubling time for me right now. Way too much packing. I actually think it will never stop. Im near a breaking point probably or something like that... I am doing good, its just so many places, so many new faces and no feeling of home. Coz I sleep in a different bed each night and talk to a different person each day. But yes. There will be a day this year where I will move all my stuff into this One Apartment of mine and I know Im home. They say that home is where your heart is. My heart is with my family. With my friends. So I guess as for now it is as good as it can be.
Gonna be in Pärnu for a few days and on Thursday going to Saaremaa. My last wedding this summer. Save the last dance for me. Oh but I have danced and sang as much as possible. I have enjoyed life and friends and celebrated love. And I have been loved and cherished and loved and hugged. So I cant complain really. Because over all life is good. And Life is with God. In Him and with Him I can do it. Otherwise its all just one empty hole.

Mmm... And how about waiting? Waiting for the right thing. Waiting to give your heart for the right one. My God has said that heart is the wellspring of life and that we should guard our heart above all else... What if sometimes its so freaking hard coz all we want is to be loved. And to get that we decide wrong. Im just saying that we all make mistakes. My mistakes are no bigger and no smaller than yours. And my God is a good God. I just pray that He would guide me and my steps and also yours. That in His hands I can walk my everyday life otherwise there is just no point... We people grave love the most. Thats why we have people around us. We need each other. We need friendships and we need are not meant to be alone. Huh, and sometimes its just so freaking hard. Esp with this wedding-craziness Ive been dealing. I love seeing the look on the grooms face when the bride enters and heck, one day it will be my groom having that look. I pray for that day and for the right timing...

I think I havent written for so long that I just cant stop writing now... I have missed this OH I HAVE SMTH TO SAY feeling. And today I have. So much. I kind of went through some huge emotional wave yesterday and heck, Im this one moment up next moment down in the pit person and I dont like it one bit. I felt so unstable and so unsure. I let my emotions roll over me like a wave and I was just wrapped in a blanket of sorrow and sadness for a few hours. Until grace washed over me. And I knew that I am loved yet again. Because the thing is I am ALWAYS loved, I just dont "feel" it or see it... Uh. Its easier to let emotions control us than knowledge. But its not so easy to get out of there. To stand up and let Father whisper words of love. My mistakes are my mistakes yes, but love wins aigh? ;)

So Im gonna stop here. Coz I have other things to do as well today. But just let this day be a good day. So as I said, act more love, say less shit!

The season of changes.

2 weddings done. 2 to go. Im so excited for this Saturday coz the band that has come together for Kertu&Rasmus is just awesome! So many surprises and changes with the people but the 5 of us now, well, its just awesome! Im really happy and I felt on Monday as though a whole burden was taken off from my shoulders and so much peace came back that was stolen! And so I was in Tartu for 2 days and will go again tomorrow. Came home for 1,5 days just to relax and help out at my parents new place. In case you dont know yet, they got a job. And with that also a new place to live at so basically there will be plenty of changes in the coming 2 months. Plenty! Im gonna move into something good, not knowing exactly what Im suppose to do but it will be good! :) And thats enough for me right now. I might not know a whole lot of things but what I know is that I am doing my best in everything I do. Sometimes it could be more but its my best and its enough. 

And my Daddy does the rest.

;)

Sigh, sigh, sigh.

A few paragraphs from a medical magazine that describe the battle to act:

We hear it almost every day: sigh, sigh, sigh.
I just cant get myself motivated to... (lose weight, test my blood sugar, etc.). And we hear an equal number of sighs from diabetes educators who cant get their patients motivated to do the right things for their diabetes and health. 
We have news for you. Motivation is not going to strike you like lighting. And motivation is not something that someone else - nurse, doctor, family member - can bestow or force on you. The whole idea of motivation is a trap. Forget motivation. JUST DO IT. Exercise, lose weight, test your blood sugar, or whatever. Do it without motivation and then guess what. After you start doing the thing, that's when the motivation comes and makes it easy for you to keep on doing it.
Motivation is like love and happiness. Its a by-product. When you're actively engaged in doing something, it sneaks up and zaps you when you least expect it.
As Harvard psychologist Jerome Bruner says, "You're more likely to act yourself into feeling than feel yourself into action." So act! Whatever it is you know you should do, do it.

Thats like the best word Ive heard about motivation. Its a trap. WOW. You cant wait for motivation to get you going. I like that. Because I almost never feel motivated to do something, I mean I have my desires and hopes and stuff, but my body sometimes is so freaking NOT motivated.
Running for example. I have started to run just because I know I should and I want to. But I dont have this huge crazy motivation. Its just something I know its good for me. So I do it. And slowly but surely it has started to grow on me... So it does come. And then one just has to keep on going... And going. And not giving up.