continuing...

this is not fair... I didnt go. Instead I went back to bed and slept 3 hours... and when I woke up I felt even more sick. whttt is going on with me? :(

Strange

Its 8:41 am. And Im feeling very sick again. But this time Im not going to sit still and wait until it goes away because I know it might not go away. So Im going to school in an hour and Im going to give my best there even though its hard. Im not doing so good lately. Im sick most of the time and I havent been to school as much as I should. I have subjects that are not ok, I have tests that I havent done and I have work to do. I cant just sit anymore. God please give me strength...
So this saying: maybe God has bigger plans for me then I have for myself - maybe this saying is really true. Because He has started to reveal me that I should do something against these sicknesses, these headaches, stomachpains... I am going to fight. And God is there for me. I just read from Bible that He is going to give me NEW strength, not old... He has promised me that even if I walk then I wont be tired so what about running? What if I need to run - the same thing, I wont grow weary. So I guess He is there for me all the time. I just need to believe that and trust His word. I mean, how can I not trust Bible. It says everything. It has truth about my health - He died on the cross. For me, for little Stennu (Vaarika, I will keep him in my prayers and I know that there are people who pray for him, he is going to be alright!)...
He shared His blood only for the sake of my health. So that I dont have to lay on bed all day long and suffer. Last night was bad. I lay down and even my eyes hurted. I woke up in the morning and still this feeling like Im going to throw up any moment... But Im not going to sit still anymore. Its time to do something. I am a tiger (right Chris?) and I am a fighter.
So God I need Your hand that holds mine today!

Maybe...

...maybe God has bigger plans for me then I have for myself.

Im tired...

...sad. confused. and the thing is that I dont know why. dont ask me. alright.

being sick.

This is what I do when Im sick at home. This time in Tartu. Im just sitting in my corner, drinking HUGE cups of tea and reading good books. This time its 700 pages of Narina (thank u so much Efka for borrowing me this, I love it) + then there is my very sweet computer which gives me good music. mm.
Even though I hate being sick I know its for somehing good. It gives some space to breath again. To see some things from a different point of view.
mmm

:) 102

Olen kodus. Türi-Allikul ning otsustasin 2-ks päevaks veel koju jääda. Pole jõudu hetkel, et tagasi minna... Viimased päevad on olnud huvitavad, head, rasked ja üllatusrohked. Tulin neljapäeval õhtul koju eelmine nädal ning põhimõtteliselt veetsin järgmised kaks päeva voodis. Nii väsinud, et ei suutnud peale magamise ja söömise eriti midagi tarka ette võtta. Lisaks sattus mulle üks meeldiv peavaluhoog laupäeval, millega ma ka eriti võidelda ei suutnud ning siis magasingi ning söin rohtu... mõnus laupäev. (Hommik oli see-eest hea; iss-Essu käisid lasteaia sportipäeval ning käisin kaasas pildistamas, üks hea, armas, sportlik hommik)
Aga eilne see-eest. Jumal, sa oled alati õigel ajal kohal. Mul oli vaja eilset; see Pühapäev, mm- mul on veel praegugi vennad Glimmid silme ees. Sellised Jumalamehed. Nii hea, kui on inimesi, kes lasevad end lihtsalt kasutada, kes voolavad Jumala armus, Jumala armastuses ja Tema Sõnas, mitte lihas... Ja õhtul käisime Rakveres, juhtisin ülistust. Mmmmmm. Eestil on vist aeg edasi liikuda, liiga kaua on oodatud ja ma usun ka, et nüüd oleks aeg millegi uue jaoks. Et minna sisse ülistusse, palvesse ja osadusse, selleks ei ole palju vaja; südameid, mis on valmis!!! On vaja inimesi, kes on nõus minema ja tegema. Ma ei taha olla kirsika, kes vaid ootab, et teised teeksid, teeniksid ja mina vaid istun. Seepärast ma olingi nõus eile ülistust juhtima olenemata oma tunnetest jms. Mul oli kurk valus, JAH. ma olin väsinud, JAH. Aga ma tegutsesin ja Jumal tegi ülejäänud... :) Aamen.
mmm, mis veel. Varsti on jõulud jah?... mmmmm. Ausalt öeldes ei suuda ma nii kaugele mõelda, jätame need teemad veel kaugele.
Vaarika on nii kaugel ja samas nii lähedal. Minu südames. Minu mõtetes ja minu palvetes. Minu elus. Ning kui taga tagasi tuleb, OI, we have so much to catch up. Ja me vist hakkame koos elama alates 2009 suvest. Ma juba ootan seda. mmmmõnus. Usun, et me suudame koos eksisteerida. Ja mitte vaid õdedena, vaid perekonnana, sõpradena, elukaaslastena. :)
Nu labi. Ma ei viitsi rohkem kirjutada. punkt.