Day 45: Tears

Tears of joy are running down my cheeks... Read an amazing letter from my sister. She loves me she loves me she loves me so! :) Happy 24 Princess Cherry from Estonia!

Day 44: Eesti

Istusin just hommikusöögi laua taga ja söin kartulisalatit! Oi, küll oli hea.
Aga siis hakkasid igasugused mõtted pähe voolama: "Eesti, Eesti, kodu... kodu... mmm. kodu. see hapukoor pole ikka õige maitsega. rohkem soola oleks vaja. kodu. kodu. emme-issi. kodu. mmh, imelik hapukoor. aga päris hea. peaks midagi magusat ka sööma..."
Selline hommik siis. Õhtul peame tüdrukutega pidu. Minu pidu. :) Kartulisalat on valmis, Rui-Chi teeb kana ja ostab koogi ja N ostab veini! :) Siis võibolla väike karaoke, tants. Raudselt on nalja jälle ülevoolavalt, eile olime kaks korda pikali maas, sest kõhulihased valutasid naermisest. Ja laupäeval viivad Paul ja Rosie mind randa ja jäätisekohvikusse ja vbl kuskile veel! :) Palju õnne Kirss, sa saad 24. Päris hull? :D
Sa kindlasti praegu mõtled, et miks ta nüüd järsku eesti keeles kirjutab!!??!! Ma lihtsalt tahtsin vahelduseks oma armsas keeles blogida! :)
tsautsau

Day 42: Make up

Make up make up make up. I know I have had quite a few blogs about that topic but here is another one. Just to give you a little glympse whats been going on...

So I came here 42 days ago totally addicted to make up. I mean since we broke up with Timo I was having make up on every day just to feel pretty enough. Just to be someone. How can I explain it... I havent been with someone for 4 months now and I just needed this comfort. Even here in Bala, I mean, I work in a B&B and I was putting on make up every morning the first few weeks. But also I have had a lot of conversations with Rui Chi and N about it. Because they are assuring me I dont need make up to be pretty (like Rui Chi said she feels like she is living together with Angelina Jolie). And so for a week now I have had less and less mascara and face powder and today had non. And I actually felt good about myself. I felt pretty. AND I still feel! So here I am. Sitting on a couch writing this blog and thinking that why on earth we women spend so much time, so much money, and so much tears because we dont feel pretty. We dont feel worthy.

Ok and dont get me wrong now. I am not saying that make up is from devil and bad! :D nooo, a little make up is good and ok. But dont do it because you think you´re nothing without it coz you ARE EVERYTHING without it! God has made you to be everything! :) bbbbelieve it and recieve it! You are lovable! And I love you! :) You´re beautiful just the way you are! ;)

Day 41: Let it go...

Let it go, let it go, let it go... My heart is pounding like 10 times faster right now. And I hear Him whispering to me: let it go girl, let it go... as tears fall down from my face. And it hurts. It hurts like hell... Let it go, let it go. Its alright.
4 months.

Day 40: I really...

...really really really really very much like cards! Thats a clue to all my friends now! :D Oh and another clue, this my my BIRTHDAAAY WEEEEEK! :D Oooh you want another clue? Here it is:
Kirsika Maamägi
Glan´y´Gro
Bala, Gwynedd
LL23 7BT, Wales!!!!!!!!!!! :)

Day 39: Jesus

Today is a wonderful Day! :) My Jesus is alive! My God-Jesus-Holy Spirit, I am thankful for YOU for YOU have risen and I can live now in fullness of Your LOVE and guidance! For YOU guide me night and day and YOU are with me 24x7. I might feel You far away BUT You´re closer then my skin!!!!! THANK YOU! :)
Its about 7 am and I couldnt sleep tonight. Ppl were partying last night on the streets, screaming and acting stupid. Im serious. We live on a high street and my room is connected to the out-door so basically on the weekends its very hard to rest. But I guess Im fine. There is nothing we can do about it. I have earplugs now so that helps a bit at least. Well, they get lost in the middle of the night usually... :D
So today. Yes, today Im working in B&B and then its been 5 days in a row. It´s been a busy period now since its Easter and ppl are on their holidays BIG TIME. A lot of things need to be doing and its not a bad thing. And Ive got some great news as well. My mum´n´dad´n´Ester will be here from 24-31.of MAY! :) Hallelujah, I am so happy! Of course I would like Maria and Vaarika to be here with me as well but they are quite far... And Vivia and some more ppl should come here as well! :) WE WOULD PARTY BIG TIME THEN! And to know that I will see my V in Canada makes me smile inside. I miss my little sis. Ok she is not so little anymore in her age but she will always be my little sister with Ester!
Alright. I dont know, there is not many news I could share with you now. The biggest one is in the beginning of this blog and so I think I will close here.
Sending bigbig kisses and hugs to those who can take them! :D haha Im being weird again so I´ll stop! :)
K

Day 35: Happy Dance

There is nothing like a little happy dance early in the morning to DADDY!
I woke up 6.30 am (well, 7,5 hours is quite enough of sleep for me if you know me) and then just waited until everybody else had gone to work and then put ihop JOY on and... whoah I DANCED and screamed and I must admit there is FREEDOM IN THIS! You gotta try it! At 7:40 am put smth joyful on and just dance your heart out! Do it, He is gonna love it and you´re gonna love it! :)
So today Im going to work a bit later. I am still in my pajamas and soon Im gonna take a short shower. Had a good breakfast (mmm, I found smth amazing from the stores here and Im gonna keep buying it now, well Im not gonna tell u what it is though) and am enjoying being alone here now. I have the same CD still on and... uuuuh "Ain´t no party like a Holy Ghost Party coz the Holy Ghost Party won´t stop!!!!!"
I guess I´ll see how today turns up but I believe its gonna be wonderful. I mean first Im gonna walk to B&B since everyone is already there, but its fine coz its absolutely breath-taking outside, so warm and beautiful...
I had a weird incident yesterday. I felt threatened for the first time while being in Bala! Well, I took a walk outside in the evening when suddenly this guy turns up all drunk and weird and comes to me and starts talking to me and is kinda pushy and Im like, I dont wanna talk and then I walked away. I was a bit afraid he is gonna follow me but he went his way. whjuuu. Seriously, there is like 1000 ppl in Bala, how could that even happen?????
Then later Rui Chi had bought chocolate-cake and of course we had tea and girly-time. Laughed so hard on the boob-talk and beauty-talk... and some other talks... :D hahahaha, not gonna go into details! :) Oh dont worry, Prince Harry is out of our talks now!
So 10 days to my b-day! 24 here you come, tatatatatataaa! :)
Bye Im gonna get ready now!
HUGS, K

Day 34: Little big things

(Got a letter from Elana today, then bought myself smth nice yesterday for the first time here, a bracelet and then of course my flight-info)!!! :)

Things that matter. There are many things that matter but right now there are two in my heart: my planetickets to CANADA! YES, I´VE GOT THEM! 9.10-23.10.2011 Vaarika & Chris, Im coming to meet you and u better be prepared coz I need to get to know the guy my baby-sis wants to marry! :) Ok? Deal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And the second thing right now is that Im gonna be older again. I must say Im a bit afraid. 24 is not a small number anymore, its quite big and that means at one point Ive gotta think about whats next, right? NO! I don´t, hahahahaha, coz Daddy is right here with me and wants me to enjoy this time, right now, not to worry about tomorrow! :)

Day 33: Prince Harry

Duh, I think Im getting a bit weird. I mean, the last post was about Irish men and now I have a title called "Prince Harry"???? Seriously, I guess I just need attiontion, right? :)

But yes yes, we had some fun with the girls yesterday, just looking at princes and princesses from Google, it was fun. And then we agreed with N that Prince Harry is quite handsome, don´t you agree? :) So I thought later that night that what if I´d color my hair red and just meet him somewhere, you know? Then maybe Princess Cherry from Estonia would be for real, if you know what I mean... Ok, I am kidding.

My heart. My heart is doing rather strange lately. It´s been up and down. I have shed quite a lot of tears here and I am questioning some things. I am still hurting in that certain area and you all know what I mean. I made some decisions some time ago and I have kept my promises. I have talked to my dad about it and he agrees with me. I think I have got the BEST PARENTS in the whole world anyway and just talking to them calms me down big time. I love love love them. Just 2 days ago I cried my heart out talking over Skype to dad. And I do miss them. Oh and I am sure happy to know that they might come here in the end of May. And maybe they will take Ester with them which makes it all double exciting!

And my local mum and dad have been away for 8 days now and tomorrow I´ll see them and that makes me smile. I missed them. To have no dad or mom around is hard sometimes you know...

Today is my day off. Its 9.16 am. I took a long shower, shaved my legs (hahah, that u all wanted to know, right?), plucked my eyebrowns and am ready for today now. I am the only one up now so it is my time. I have answered maybe to 10 letters or so and now Im writing this blog. Hope it makes you think about me. :) I miss you. You know who you are because if you miss me too then it is YOU! :)

And please do now forget me on my birthday on the 30th of April. I mean for someone to be far from her friends it means the world to know that ppl far away miss her and think about her, ok? :)

Day 31: Wine and Irish men

uuuh, I have started to like white wine here. How weird is that? In Estonia I couldn´t stand the taste of wine, neither red or white... and here we have had wine 2 times this week already and I love it. With some chicken and vegetables it is wonderful. And for dessert some strawberries... Perfect combination I must say! And with the perfect company it all just tastes delicios! :) uuh and how can I forget Michael Bublé. He was our wonderful companion, such a wonderful music... ullala, little dance and let the party start!

Well and about Irish men. Im in love with the way they spell letter "R". And the way Irish men sing... uuh beibi, takes my legs away. And the way they talk... Not that we have had any over here, but I mean I´ve been watchin a couple of movies with ppl from Ireland in it and I lovelove love it! One day Im gonna go to Ireland, maybe fall in love with an Irish lad and just settle in there. HAHAH, just kidding, don´t worry! (ok, maybe not... :D )!!!! :)

Its Saturday and in 2 weeks from today Im gonna be 24 years old. 24 YEARS OLD! 30.April is a beautiful day. I believe Im gonna have some fun here and I can´t wait! :) Send me letters and cards, I wouldn´t mind and if you know me a bit, you know how much I LOVE CARDS! :) Your cherrybeibi

Day 29: 4 weeks

I´ve been here 4 weeks now. WHUU beibi. :) http://www.purevolume.com/kirsika/albums So my music is still there, I counted, I have all together 7 songs up, so whenever u feel like listening something from me, go ahead, its all downloadable and just feel free to let God talk to you through these songs. :) Lovelove love u

Day 28: Hungry

I didnt know how to name this blog and since Im really hungry now and in a need of food then I just named it "hungry", haha... I have a day off and Im in B&B blogging and Fb-ing... Well and I had a good long talk with my mum on Skype... And Im totally experimenting with my blog so sry about that if it changes all the time, I just get bored with one layout so I change it a lot. :) Im gonna go and get food now. But yes, its been 4 weeks in Bala, Wales now and Im still in love, I love this place and people and I know Dad has a plan with all of this for me. Just for me! :) Hugshugs hugs, your Kirsi!

Day 26: Fight

This blog is about fighting. I am fighting. And I am tired in a way. And thats why I want to give this fight over to Daddy coz I can´t anymore. It is about eating. And about myself. The way I see myself. See, I have told you that years ago I had anorexia, an eating disorder that wanted to kill me and almost did. And now 5 years later, I am still occationally in the battle. Because the thoughts want to come back and take away the joy that I recieved after coming out of this crap. See, all of us have been through something. Maybe smoking, maybe alcoholism, maybe drugs, maybe someone died you reallyreally loved... And sometimes it all just wants to come back. The thing is that I am working hard here, it is a lot of physical work that I do daily and because of that my body wants more food, energy. And I have been eating a lot more here than in Estonia coz there was NO physical work in my daily life. And you have no idea how bad it is in my mind. Constant fight, what if!!! What if I gain now, what if I eat too much, what if.... and what if... It is not ok. IT IS NOT OK I tell you! If you go through something like that, then know that YOUR Daddy wants to hold you! He wants to hold you so close to HIM and whisper things like: I love you, I wont let go, I will fight for you, I will be on YOUR side! Trust the truth, trust HIM, ok? Promise me, that you will trust the truth instead of lies! The lies are just devils way of getting you down! DON´T LET HIM!!!!! I love you dearly, my sweet boy and girl, this is what YOUR Daddy says to you right now, so trust that! MANY MANY hugs from me to you today. Be childlike, go run and play with Him today, ok?! :)

Day 24: I know I know...

...that some of you probably hate me for making that face all over again, but hey, thats me, and if you dont like it then dont watch it ok? ;) Somehow I like doing that thing with my lips, it makes me feel good, maybe attractive, a bit sexy (too honest, well, bear with me)? :D I dunno, but I like it. And I feel Im pretty then. Ok, I have started to believe that anyway already, but who says I can´t do that? So I am... Its day 24 today. Ive got 21 days-3 weeks to my birthday and Im turning 24 and its a bit scary I must say, but Im gonna survive it. Its gonna be so different, no Estonian family or friends around and Im gonna miss you all, but Im gonna love it here. Paul-Rosie promised to take me out to this wonderful ice-cream restaurant or smth and since I LOVE ice-cream I can´t think of a better present! :) Oh well, gotta get ready for work soon since I had 2 days off. And these 2 days were beautiful, I could not ask for a better weather then this. +18 or smth and the feeling of sun kissing you all over. whooah, nothing better. And I got a lot of time to read Pride & Prejudice, I tell you this book is good, but hard literature. It is so complicated occationally that Im puzzled very often... Byebyebye. See you soon! Come visit me, ok? :)

Kaugele

http://www.purevolume.com/kirsika/albums/Vootele+%26+Kirss+-+Kaugele So when we recorded that song with Vootele and some other musicians, it was in the end of our school or something. It was written by Vootele and anyway, well, it is about my sis Vaarika who left Estonia and now lives in Canada. :) I just found it in my comp and wanted to share this with you! :) Enjoy... Translated into English KAUGELE means "To far away"

Day 22: Conversation

I had the most interesting day yesterday. HAHA, I went to the sheep and suddenly they all ran to me (I stood behind the fence) and started paa-ing, it was crazy, the big one the small one. They wanted food I guess... Anyway, it was kinda strange and cool! SO I paa-d back to them. Well I guess only I can be so weird to do that! ;) Then later I hoovered the kitchen floor and of course Paul´s shoelace got inside the machine, so he had to buy new ones. Ooh and I made a banana-cake again. And cleaned way too much but oh well, bother! :D Oh and enventually I was so tired that we took tons of weird funny pictures with Dave and laughed until we could laugh no more! I have a day off today and I love it. We´re gonna go to a cafe with Nathalie (my flat-mate) and Dave (Paul+Rosie´s son) and we´re gonna have FUN!

Day 20: Rain

Well, its been raining. A lot. And sometimes there are these few moments when it´s not raining. And its windy, very windy. Like so windy, that it might get your balance out of balance if you know what I mean. And the view to our lake hasnt been the best. And Im kinda off-balanced as well. I wake up one day and feel this terrible emptyness inside of me... Have you ever as a kid played this game with flower-petals: He loves me-He loves me not, or she loves me-she loves me not. Anyway thats how we Christians are so often. God loves me, He loves me not. One day I get a promotion, HE LOVES ME. The other day my dog dies, HE LOVES ME NOT. Do you get my point? But see here is the thing, GOD does not know how to love us NOT! His love is constant, not like weather, not like anything else. It is so constant, that it goes on forever and ever and ever. And it was never His intention for us to be far from Him. Remember, in the Old Testament people feared Him, He was somewhere far... No no, it was not His intention. Do you get me? He created Adam and Eve for a relationship, for a wonderful relationship and when that was broken, fear got into people. Fear took over Adam so He didnt know His love for sure anymore... And so the game goes on nowadays, he loves me-he loves me not. Don´t be that. Don´t do that. Take that knowledge in your heart that YOUR DADDY LOVES YOU! Ok? :) He loves YOU! :) And so today when Im gonna continue my day, Im gonna decide. Im making a decision now, Im not gonna play that game. Because He loves me and I need His constant whispers in my heart. :) Daddy!

How are you? How is your heart? My dear friend! I miss you! We had a bonfire with my new friends here the other day and it was wonderful. The smell of smoke, marshmellows which were kinda burnt, and just being with a family, my family. Coz I realized this is not my new family or a replacement family or smth like that. No, this is my family. This is what Jesus was talking about. My brothers and sisters, my mother and father. My family is all over the world. And so it continues! :) I love you so very dearly and let me know how are you doing! I finally got to sleep last night. No screaming, shouting, no drunk people, no hitting the wall, or no furniture removing... Good sleep, 8,5-9 hours! :) Yeah beibi!

Anyway I´ll finish with a sentence that Rui Chi said to me and Nathalie yesterday (both my flat-mates): "You are both always so beautiful. I feel like Im living together with Angelina Jolie and Uma Thurman!" Whoah, this was a good compliment! Hugs, YOUR CHERRYBABE :)

Bo´s Cafe

This is a must read! I read it today (I couldn´t put it away until I had read the last sentence)... Im just shocked, amazed. I cried my eyes out today while reading it. So overwhelmed with Daddy´s love.

So please, if you get a hold of that book, READ IT!

Day 17: Freedom

Its my 2nd day off and Im really hoping the sun to come out today. It was rainy and ugly yesterday. So Daddy, please make this day beautiful for me! :) Thanks... Yes, so yesterday, I had a break-down. I had to cry out to God and after that had a talk with my mum and dad here (Paul-Rosie) and another cry. It was so comforting hearing what they said about me doing the right thing. They do love me, a lot, and care about me as their own daugther. Whoah! :) This is amazing. I have a family.

Also we celebrated Paul´s birthday. By 6pm Nathalie and Simon had arrived (N is gonna work here and Simon is her boyfriend) and so we sat down to eat wonderful food and just enjoyed ourselves! Good times together... And I have been able to sleep finally for 2 nights, about 8-9 hours each night. Thats wonderful and I feel like I can continue again. I didnt want this to continue...

Ps! My films arrived and also my Vodaphone-card which means I can actually use a phone here now if needed, great! ;)

Im slowly but firlmy putting money aside for my beautiful sister´s wedding which is gonna be wonderful and Im already so excited for her! WOW. I cant wait to actually book the tickets and know for sure, that Im going... :) Hallelujah!

Anyway... Im doing good. I have had some bad healthproblems, strong headaches and stomach pain... But I know all of this will pass and I continue trusting God in this! :) You should try it, I mean that He has everything under control, that He knows and thats all that matters! :)

Sending you my hugs and love, ps! It´s my month! And its gonna be wonderful! :) Ooh and that picture of a book cover... whoah, "Where my heart belongs" is amazing! And the Pride and Prejudice I got for 1 pound... :P