...

For some strange reasons I keep going back to Latvialand. I know there has to be some plan with me and Latvia because each time there is so precious and such a JOY for me! :) So we will see. But I do know that in God´s heart each nation is so special and so is my nation; so maybe I'm just this crazy woman who loves people so much that wherever I go to I feel like I'm home and I feel as though that's where I want to be (ok, maybe not every nation but LV and Fin definitely)! So tomorrow. Latvia it is, RIGA - here I commme! (: I'm gonna go together with my dad, there will be a conference and we were invited to be a part of it. Its also easier to travel with 2 coz the journey is long and we can keep each other company!
Anyway I have had a great day today, was chillin´ with some friends, ate kebab and had a good walking-talking-time! :) And I feel a lot better health-wise... I still have a strange feeling in my throat and when I talk its as if a midget, a frog or a rabbit is talking (dont ask me how I know how they talk, I just know). :D yeah. I think Ill stop talking for a few days (if its possible!). :)
Have a wonderful weekend you all and enjoy enjoy enjoy the last days of summer... :)

I know Im not perfect.
But because He is perfect and He is love then He sees me through His eyes and Im enough. In Him and through Him.

I actually just wanted to write that I know Im not perfect in my guitar-playing. But the fact that I can pick it up anytime I want and play, it makes me feel so good. Even though most songs I play are in C or G and I need to use a lot of capo, it still makes me happy. :) Just like now...

This is pretty kreisi

My little sister is starting her school-journey on Saturday. Whoah, how crazy is that? Seriously? I was looking my pictures back from ice-age a few weeks ago and I have to say that it feels as though she was just born a few days ago... And now she is going to school. Its just that we are going to buy her school-supplies today and I just cant comprehend the fact that she is a little-big girl already. :) And it makes me feel just a tiny-wee bit old. Im 25???!!!?? We redecorated our whole apartment yesterday. Changed all the rooms, switched a few and she got her own room finally. Girly, pink stuff all over mixed with green and purple and colors she loves. And I got all my stuff into my room. I have a hate-love relationship with living home. I love that I have the most loving family ever, that they care for me and they wont throw me out when I have no place to go to. But I also dislike the fact that I dont have my own home. I have been thinking about it in so many ways, of what I could do about it, but as for now Im here. God knows my heart and why is it the way it is. So judges, stop judging. And come see my life through my point of view.
I really cant do anything I feel forced to do. I cant take a job that stops me from doing the things I love. I love travelling and somehow it makes me walk on water. With no money God always has provided. Yes I lived a safe life in Wales, knowing exactly how big my income was and how much food I could afford etc. Its not so safe-easy-peasy anymore but I haven't lost my faith. And I will not. But I am saying its not so easy for me. I am dreaming of my own home, my own family... I want a baby so bad it aches in me. But it takes two to tango, right? And I guess Im safe with my Father, coz He has put these dreams in me. SO yes. Trusting Him and continuing my journey!
"When you´re at rest, you stop trying. You just wait, you watch, you listen and you prepare to do whatever it is God tells you to do!" Graham Cooke

I just read a post from my favorite blogger. And it made me think about so many things. She was so real and probably for the first time shared stuff from the bottom of her heart which made me think if Im real. I think its been one of my goals. To be real with myself and with others. There is nothing better in life then people who don't hide behind masks and others and themselves. Who know what&who they are, with their goods and faults. I love keeping this blog. It helps me to express myself, to keep memories and to share my life with many that are far from me... I know it encourages me as well as it encourages others and thats one of my reasons why I keep on writing. And I want to share my journey with God with you. If you know what I mean...
:)

Aa

I am back from Aa-beach. From my last summer-conference which was held by the Methodist Churches in Estonia! First time ever I was in such a place. In so many ways that Im not gonna describe or mention but it was interesting. I was challenged and I was molded and I learned and I listened my heart. But all in all it was Daddy´s thing that I was there and I have to say that Im thankful. Im so thankful that sometimes (ok everyday) I make mistakes and then He comes and says that its not because of my faults, not because of my goods, not because of my doings, that He loves me but because of ME! Yeah, thats the good news.
I also grew a lot closer with the team God has put together during the last 2 years... It was so good to talk to them, for them to open up and tell me the truth in many areas and maybe for the first time ever I listened, my heart took notes and I definitely let them talk. I need corrections as well as any other person. And I need God more then any other person (haha ok we all need Him the same but I still need Him more)! :)

People in Estonia are hungry. So hungry for more of Him. To know Him, to see Him, to know that He is so close and near and He wants us. He wants to hold us and He just wants to heal our broken spirits and bodies. He wants us to be WHOLE in Him! Thats His hearts desire. And the most interesting thing is that whenever I go, with whomever I meet, the message is the same - Father´s love. Father´s heart. Healing. Restoration. Forgiveness. The key is His Heart. So many people go to look for God in a wrong place. Sensitives, witches, spiritualists. But HE is the One and Only! Open your eyes and know the truth.

I love that this summer has been crazy. That I have met so many new people I have stopped counting. People that are beautiful inside and outside. People that yearn for God and people who dont know it yet. ;)  Every experience has been so different to me, some harder, some easier, but its been the most amazing summer. I am thankful and I am humbled how well He has taken care of me. I have just stepped out not knowing whats to happen and He has carried me. Thats my walk with Him. My journey. Sometimes over the rocks and crap, sometimes in the air... ;)

9:09

I have to share this because I just got a little insight to something. Yep. Its very early, its like 9:09 am and Im getting insights. Thats me. My brain works in the mornings and in the evenings Im just a "little" weird.

So as I was saying...
I travel a lot. I meet so many people throughout the year that sometimes I cant remember all their names. But usually I try to get to know them all, haha, doesn't work very well but Im trying. I try to get behind their names, into their lives. Because its interesting. To meet new people. And usually after leaving them I try to keep contact with them. At least for a few weeks. And if God gives Im gonna meet these people again at one point or another... I love writing. I love talking. I am a people´s person. Im social and I know it.

But there is a problem somewhere along the way. That I tend to put my closest people behind the scene then. Because others are so much more interesting at that point, I forget my people. And I go further and further and when we finally meet up its as if we have nothing to talk about (IM just making a bigger point here, I mean its not like that with everybody). Because I have let the hole between us get bigger and bigger...
So why do I do that? Why do we do that? I felt such a burden in my heart today that I was almost crying. It makes me sad. It doesn't make me sad that I meet new people, but WE should keep our friends who we have known for years even closer. So close that we actually stay in touch. That we wouldn't loose that first love. You know its the same with marriage.
I loved what Pekka said at my parents ceremony when he was talking to them. He said that every couple, married especially, need at least 15 hours EVERY week together. That doesn't count the night-hours. 15 hours just them two. Without no other people. That made me think. I cant wait to meet the man of my life one day. I cant wait to be in love and to love him with my whole heart...
But if I dont even know how to keep my very own people close. Some people come and go but there are people who will ALWAYS be there only if you know how to nourish the friendships. I want to be that person. Who doesn't walk away and who will keep the friends I have.
And sometimes its hard.
But its worth it.
So that's my insight for this morning. (:

Saaremaa

Conference is over and the wedding is over. In 4 days we had so much to do that my head is still dizzy after packing, singing, preparing, worshiping, listening, organizing, calling, writing, sitting, standing, talking, smiling... :) It was good, but so very tiring. So much happened I dont even know where to start. The conference was in 3 different places with 5 services. Father changed hearts yet again and my heart was definitely transformed. I saw so much crap in me that needs to be rooted out but in a same time I saw so much good there that wasnt there before... I cried, laughed, jumped, danced, worshiped. I shared and gave out quite a lot but I know I received even more.

Then on Monday my mum and dad were renewing their vows. It was the most beautiful ceremony ever. And Ive been to many weddings (I have stopped counting). I had a chance to sing with my best childhood friend and it surely was precious. Im thankful for my mum and dad. So thankful.

And now I want to introduce my grandpa and her fiance to you. They are the most precious couple ever. My grandpa is so in love that he just cant stop talking about Ellen. Its just beautiful. Their wedding is on the 15th of September and for that Im really excited...

So that was my weekend. We also did tons of other little things that Im not gonna mention here so all in all I, we had a good time. Time of fellowship and sharing. Giving and receiving. :)
These last 2 days I have been editing pictures and videos so I havent done anything else. Ok babysitting Ester as well but when its only me and her its never hard... :) Its hard when mum and dad are around but when we´re together she is such a precious and obedient girl.
I think on Thursday we´re off to the camp and it will be great Im sure. I just hope to get enough rest today and tomorrow morning before we leave coz we have tons of packing to do again... :D
Alright. Hugs from me and be blessed. Know who you are in Him and live it out. ;)

Grete

I want to say a few words about this girl I have met only a few times. Well, firstly she is AWESOME and secondly she is AWESOME. :) Grete, this is your day today, so HAPPY BIRTHDAY. May it be beautiful, precious, new, adventurous, surprise-packed, awesome, cool and tons of other things. :) Enjoy and let others spoil you coz you deserve it. ;)
PALJU ÕNNE! ;)

...

There´s no place I would rather be then here in Your arms, here in Your arms...

ķirsis - Latvian
kirsebær - Danish
kirsikka - Finnish
ceirios - Welsh
דובדבן - Hebrew
ciliegia - Italian

It is time.

Its time for me to share the best love story I have witnessed this year!
The story of my grandpa and his fiance. Yes, you heard me right. My grandpa has a fiance. And she is such a sweetheart, I met her yesterday for the first time.
But back to the beginning, I don't want to run ahead of my story here (oh impatient me I know)...

So as you all probably know I lived abroad for some time and I missed out quite a bit that was going on at home but this change was impossible not to notice. So somewhere during Christmastime last year I was visiting home. And as usual there were some messy things going on. Since grandpa had to live at our place he didn't make life easy for my parents. I have never really gotten along with him. He was always the crazy moody one who had to be right in everything. He received Christ about 8-9 years ago after grandma died but some things in his heart were very broken and he had no idea how to love. He had never shown love to my mum and not to mention us. So he was a bitter old man who had bad health-problems. I'm not saying I didn't love him, it was just hard. I didn't want to be home when he was there coz of his temper and quick word. But it was my home so I still went there as much as I could... But this Christmas especially was hard. Coz he was feeling rather sick and he didn't want to talk to us that much and stayed in his room most of the time.. Anyway I was glad to go back to Wales after 2 weeks at home...
The next time I was in Estonia was a few months after Christmas and I didn't see my grandpa but something had changed. Mum said it was easier with him as though his hard heart had started to open up to love... I didn't really want to believe it but hey... if she said so then maybe something was really changing.
So when I finally moved back to Estonia in May I almost couldn't believe my eyes. Grandpa was so happy to see me (tears in his eyes etc.) and he had some sort of strange peace about him... So when I asked what had happened it was as if God had turned his heart upside down. I don't even know how to write it all down. Seriously.
And then I heard the most shocking news. Grandpa had had a phone-call from a lady. And that lady turned out to be his first love. They were 15 and 16 and they had been so in love until someone decided to spread rumors about my grandpa and she turned him down. Big time. Grandpa had proposed her twice and she just turned him down. And the bitterness in him was just so ugly and big that when she called him the first time he just screamed at her and told all kinds of bad things that needed to come out. She had cried for a week and then called again. This time grandpa talked. And listened. And then he called her. And she called him. For weeks. So they decided to meet up. In Saaremaa (the biggest island here and also the birth-place for both him and my mum). After a week with her grandpa came back home. And he couldn't stop speaking. He told me that when he put his arms around her for the first time it was as if a fire went on inside him. And he just didnt let go anymore. So he visited her for a few more times. And now a few weeks back grandpa proposed Ellen and in September 15th 2012 they are getting married.

Seriously. Did you just read what I wrote? My grandpa who is 74 years old is getting married to this wonderful island-woman Ellen who will be 73 soon. I visited them yesterday. Uh grandpa is so in love. So in love that whatever other topic we tried to talk on he just didn't listen. He kept on talking about the wedding and  her. This is love.
And another thing I didn't share is that when she first called him she didn't know who she is calling to. Someone had given her a number and told her that she HAS to call that number. So she did. And it was my grandpa.

NOW THAT'S A LOVE-STORY.
Only God can bring two people back together. There are NO coincidences in life. But there is grace and 2nd chances. There is hope and future for everyone. Hold on. Let go of your own and LET GOD. :)
Grandpa´s health has improved tremendously and he is happy. He has God and he has a fiance. He knows he doesn't have tons of time so he is taking everything out of life he can now. And seeing them just gives me so much. Dreams, hope... Father knows our desires and He gives us what we need and dream of.

So there you go. The story of love.
Fin.

very meny love

So I wanted to write a part II to my LV-story but I think it will not happen coz so many things are going on in my life right now that its hard to find time for a long entry. But I will write about some other things probably mixed with Latvia-emotions... :)
First I want to say that this summer has been crazy. I was going through my diary y.day and counted together the times I needed to pack to go to somewhere, I got about 9 times (and I didnt count my 1-day trips and they were many as well). Seriously, I feel like I live on my suitcase and the thing is I LOVE IT. I love going and meeting new people, sharing love and sharing faith and hope with them. Sharing my life and seeing hearts changed. I love singing, worshiping... Somehow I have found new passions. And music will always be one of my biggest dreams and passions but new things are opening up in my heart and it is beautiful. Really.
So today Im leaving to go to Saaremaa. We have 3 events in 4 days and its gonna be busybusy. First Father´s Heart Conference (it will be awsumm), then our mother´s side relatives will gather (first time ever), and on Monday my mum+dad are getting remarried. First time with a pastor and whoah, the story is just too beautiful. I was making a slide-show for them last night reflecting back to the years we have gone through and its just amazing. I am thankful and I am blessed. And we live under His favor and mercy.
So after all this we will come back for a few days to Türi and then off we go again. To the Methodist camp. Our group will lead some sessions and worship. :) It will be so good to do that, coz Ive never led a worhsip in a camp and in a Methodist camp. Seriously? How cool is that, huh?

So these will be my next 2 weeks. What will happen after that, who knows. Well, Father knows but as for me, I have no idea... I have dreams which have decided not to leave me (haha) and I have a future in which Im sure of, but knowing, naah! (: Thats my life, what can one do but trust. I tell you its not always easy. I find myself so often doubting and living in fear and in pain... In a fear of what will happen if, what will I do and how, but I dont want to let my heart be troubled.

So there we go.
Very meny love from me.

...

I just want to share something my new friend told me before I write a part II to my camp-story! So here we go:
"And take this as a compliment please - for your age I feel that you are more like us - teenagers, not because of your attitude or immaturance, but because you are so nice and opened to everybody, that brakes the bordes age usualy puts on people..I think thats the real reason so many people couldn't believe your age.
U didn't put yourself above anybody because of your age, and that was really nice.."

So why am I sharing this here. Because it finally made some sense to me why people continually think Im 17-19 years old. :) Thank you my friend and I hope you dont mind me sharing this publicly!

One Way Part I

So the long lost Eesti-girl is back. I had the best internet-fast ever. 9 days without no connection to the world and it was great. I was 100% devoted to this camp and that was why I went to Latvia. Oh where do I even start. There is so very meny (inside joke) I want to share with you that... oi-oi-oi! :)
Ill start from the very first day. I left on Saturday, the 4th of August (and came back on the 12th). Had to take a bus from Pärnu and I knew there will be someone picking me up from Riga. I love Riga bus-station. There is something cozy about this place. I know many will think now Im strange but the thing is that its ok coz I am strange in my very cherry-way! ;)
Met Andra and from there on my adventures began. She is such a sweetheart and I think it was no coincidence that she picked me up coz we also ended up sharing a room together! :)
Anyway, back to day nr.1. So as I said I had no idea where Im going and what is waiting for me at the camp-place. So when we finally made it there, I had the worst doubts ever. I was like, what the heck am I doing here. I didnt know anyone, I was the only Estonian and I was put to clean the place straight away. Oh me and my attitude. :D
So I remember sitting on my bed the first night and writing in my diary that I wanna go home (seriously?)... The cabins were small, and I found out that I was also suppose to be one of the small-group leaders. Which didnt make me happy at all coz Im not good with kids. At least I thought so. But God has its own ways.
Yes. So the next day was also a preparation day. Tons of cleaning and getting the place ready for kids. But I woke up with a different feeling somehow. I was beginning to feel better. But I was still grumpy inside asking myself what am I doing there...
As I was so selfish I didnt even notice the people the first day. I was like, Im gonna do it but its hard... On Monday when the kids arrived, something changed. It was as if God told me that Im not there for myself, but for the kids. That Im there to give out, to be challenged and molded and to be an encouragement to others. I started to connect with the team and I felt part of them. As an only Estonian they started calling me cherry or the Eesti-girl! :) And of course since it was an English camp there was also a group from the UK! YAY, that was the biggest blessing ever.
So as I started to see things in brighter colors I realized that its so not about me and my big ego. I thought Im gonna go and make a change, but I also started to see a change in me. Its so hard to explain what I was experiencing.
During the week I shared my story with many. I went to girls and told them what I believed God asked me to tell them. And it was so beautiful. SO precious to see these girls opening up like flowers and I know that even though its only a small seed, it will GROW and it will leave a mark in them. I met so wonderful people. People that I can and will call my family. The team for the camp was quite big (I think 40-50 people, dont really know anymore) and what an amazing heart each and every one of them had. So serving and loving, giving and expecting nothing back. I saw people who gave out so much, who didnt sleep coz things needed to be done, who served!
I laughed, shared, worshiped, sang, encouraged, jumped, ran, talked, cried, played games... I was me. I was  just me and that was enough.
And I also want to share what happened to me there personally. So on the third day Rebeka (the BOSS) came and asked if Id like to lead worship for the team only on the next day (we had 8am meetings each morning for the team)... And I was like, I cant do this. I cant play and sing at the same time, Ill just loose it and I dont know and plaplapla but something inside me was telling me to do it, to go for it... So I printed some songs out and decided to practice for a few hours that day. Which I did. The next morning I thought Im ready... But then God decided to intervene and take over. Which He did. And I have to say I havent experienced such freedom in worship for a long long time. I actually led worship with a guitar. And it was AWESOME. So yes. I can do as much as I want, but where the Spirit of the Lord is there is Freedom. ;)

Coming back home was the hardest part. I kind of left a piece of my heart there. To Latvia-land. Yes. I cried, girls cried, boys didnt cry (haha) but I had to come back. I have so many things happening in the coming 2 weeks I have stopped counting. :)

I think I will share a few more things another day. Im too tired to think anymore...
Nu labi.
Love, cherry

Just a little glimpse of my last 9 days...

My very precious new friend. :)