day

it was a very good day. I think. and it was a very hard day. I know.

I have been missing him so much in the last few days. and Im not gonna lie. I am just a little bit down lately. still not understanding the plan of God but trusting.

and Im going to be honest about another thing. see, the reason why I take more pictures of myself (lately) is that somehow Im lacking self-confidence now. its like somehow I dont feel worthy and beautiful and good enough. somehow I feel like Im not who I should be so I want people to tell me that I am.

see, there is this scripture in Bible: ALL BEAUTIFUL YOU ARE MY DARLING; THERE IS NO FLAW IN YOU. and I pray that I would recieve that revelation as soon as possible because I know that taking pictures is not gonna help me. other peoples sayings are not going to help me. missing him is not gonna help me. getting all these compliments is not gonna help me.
my daddy and him only is the one to come through with this revelation.

so dont judge me if I take too many pictures. Im just a bit confused. see, in a way I also know that Im pretty but somehow its twisted. I once wrote a blog about this make-up thing. as soon as I have make-up on I feel beautiful and good. and then when in the end of the day Im removing it... believe me you dont want to know whats going on in my head. yes, Im honest right now. you are seeing me naked. not physically but emotionally.

but Im rather naked then hiding and running.

so bear with me.

hug me and love me the way I am.

I was in a church today. and the pastor was praying about our future husbands and wives. I mean the ones who were single of course. wow. I have never heard a pastor praying about this topic. I loved it and almost started crying. it was so beautiful. thank you.
and now here I am, its 9.23.pm. Im really super excited about the coming weekend and the whole week in general. going to Tartu for 2 days and then on Friday going to Saaremaa.
my last week in Estonia. bye bye my dear country. but Im coming back and one day Im gonna marry an estonian. well, at least I hope so.

yours, naked Kirsika. ;)