Day 164: It is all about...

...what? I just didnt know how to title my post. Anyway. I have had a great last 2 days. On Friday night we took Nathalie out to eat. Made her a little hen-party which we all 5 ladies of the B&B enjoyed! We all dressed up, mostly black little dresses and make up and hair and we just felt pretty. We felt beautiful and we sure were. I tell you, once in a while everyone should do that. Oh it feels good. It feels so good that its hard to describe. Its just this feeling of happiness and joy and beauty and butterflies in the stomach. So anyway after eating out in a restaurant we came back to our flat and we had prepared a little surprise for her. Tons of sweets, wine, questions, some games etc. We just enjoyed each other presence like never before. We most certanly let our hair loose that evening. Even Vicki! ;) And I cant wait to see Nahthalie getting married. She will be the most lovely bride. I mean of course there will be non prettier then my sister V but still. They are both my sisters! :) :)
So and yesterday I just started my day with worship and that made my day 100 times better. And not to mention THE amazing call to Saaremaa where like 20 people of mine were all together in one room talking to me on a loud speaker. It was just amazing. I couldnt sit all evening after that. Was just so excited... :)
And today. Well today, nothing new. Its a Sunday and Im going to work soon. But anyway. Hope you are all enjoying yourselves whereever you guys are. I love you and I miss you more then I can write here. Ok?! :) K

Day 160: The thing

I mean if I already start to dream about toilets in my sleep then I know its time to get up or an accident might happen. So yes. That was my night. Anyway got up JUST in time! :)
Oh and I realized something. Why on earth we spend so much time to find the favor of the people. So that we could feel good about them liking us and we just try to push ourselves, I mean, all this make up, all these clothes... the way we talk, act blapla. Like we just try to be someone else all the time just for them to like us. I mean and all the while all we need is God to like us, God to have favor with us. Not people. Coz I mean its all good and wonderful if our friends are there for us But this is not what Im talking about. Im talking about all of this fake security. While all the time we are actually insecure and we dont know who we are anymore. We try to be a part of "a group" and we are not. I want to be a part of my DADDYS GROUP. I want to have His favor. And I want to belong to His gang. Why why why do I spend so much time on putting make up on (again I LOVE a little make up just to make me look alive, so Im not a make up hater or anything, haha) so others would finally like me? Oh meeen. Or you know walking along the street and if someone looks at you, all you can think of is "Am I good enough" "Am I pretty enough" "What does he/she see in me"... All these questions run through my head. So here I am saying, FIND FAVOR WITH GOD. I am not telling you the key of life or 10 points how to do that, Im just saying, there is a different way.
Love, K

400 posts

I cant believe I have had this blog for this long. Seriously its my 400th post, this one... :)

Anyway, Im having one of "these" days. The Blue blue Monday. Not feeling so great today. Its not the end of the world or anything but its not easy either. Some emotions are bubbling up and Im feeling extremely tired and unhappy about everything. Grumpy old lil cherry. Blablah.

Ok enough. Im coming out now. I mean it. Im gonna have some nice food and read a good book and do a little more of my secret thing and Ill be alright.
:)

Päev 157: Mum and Dad

As much as I would love to write in Estonian Im gonna continue in English coz of all my foreign friends who visit this blog. But I will say that in future quite a few posts will be in Estonian coz my heart misses that place... :)
Anyway THIS IS THE DAY. The big 24. They are my aged now. Today, 21.08 - 24 years ago they got married. Dad was still 17 and mum 18. Haha, dad had to get papers (due to the fact that he was under 18) to do that. And mum already had me. I was 3 months old by the time they had their wedding day which bytheway wasnt small or anything. They had a lot of music, friends, dancing, food... :) Im quite sure I wasnt allowed to paricipate! (Ok you can laugh now, but Im sure I would have loved to be there...) ;)
So mum and dad. You guys are incredable. You have been through hell and heaven. Ok basically you have been through a lot in order to survive. And I tell you, wow, you have changed a lot! The last 2 years Daddy God has done some miracles inside the both of you and I cant wait to see you guys in less then 2 months time... I love you with all one daughter can love. So here I am saying, CONGRATS! You have made it and next year we will be partying all together for my 25 and your 25. Oh and thanks for being the same age as me, it makes it so much easier to remember! ;) Love, K

Päev 155: Vaba

Mul on täna vaba päev.
Tegin kartulisalatit.
Tegelesin oma saladusega.
Lugesin raamatut.
Tegelesin ühe teise saladusega.
Pesin kaks masinatäit pesu.
Tegin 2 võileiba.
Kuulasin palju ja kõvasti muusikat.
Koristasin palju ja kõvasti.
Mõtlesin, et ei ole midagi teinud, aga kui nüüd list üle vaadata, siis olen ikka küll...
Läksin jalutama, ja jalutasin tervelt 10 minutit.
Söin jäätist ja mõtlesin, et tahaks veel. Aga ei võtnud.
Kirjutasin eesti keeles. Just praegu!
Proovisin uut soengut. Sobib küll.
Sain aru, et mul on ikka hull kiiks küll igal pool istumisega. Mind juba vaadatakse imelikult siin Balas aegajalt, kui ma jälle kuskile kapi otsa ronin.
Kirjutasin blogi. Praegu.
Käisin poes süüa ostmas. Kaks korda.
Käisin kaltsukas, aga jama oli.
Olin lahe. Keegi ei näinud.
:)

Day 154: Im so happy!!!!!

Margus put a new song up ((from summer 2011, in Saaremaa)) on Youtube and that made me just so happy. I mean I just miss my band terribly lot and this song is just sooo good. THANK YOU, M!!!! :) :)
Here you go: "Elan, et Sind kiita" (Living for Your glory), Kirsi and the band:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rx2arOaEB-8&feature=share

Day 153:

Ahh, mõtlesin, et olen niisama nunnu, aga see vist ei toimi! Olen rohkem nagu "ee, ma ei tea, mis nägu teha, kui iseendast pilti teha"... :D

Day 151: VI

My baby has a birthday today. Whoah, she is 6 years old already and I just miss her so very very much. Happy birthday my lovely!! :)

Day 150: The new way...

Dance like no one is watching
Sing like no one´s listening
Love like you´ll never be hurt
Dream without limit
Smile till your face hurts
Cuddle me like you´ll never grow up
Give like you have plenty
Play like there´s NO winners
Try like you´ve never fallen

Now, I tell you, thats a way to live. Do everything as it is all new to you. I mean how many times we look back to our past and see only failures.
When I look back today I do see crap BUT I also remember the good things.
Like the time I came out of anorexia and Daddy just swept me into His loving arms and said "Baby, you´ll be alright"!!! I could have just been like, hey, I had an awful eating disorder and I´ll never be well again, but God turned it upside down for me, in a good way!
Or the time when I graduated high school with the best grades coz my teachers just were so very very helpful, they knew I needed time to get recovered for what had happened to me...
Or the time I got my driving lisence. That was grace I know. Angels were holding that car and me and helping!!!
Or the time I got accepted to a wonderful music school which gave me my basic understandings of music and I can put all of that into practise now.
And not to mention the fact I live in Wales now. Btw did I ever tell you that some 5-6 years ago I wrote to my diary about the countries I would love to go one day and UK was nr.1. :) How cool is that? Very, I tell you...
I mean, in all of this I could have just been like, hey whats the point. I dont even know what I wanna do with my life. I´ll sit and wait and do nothing. These thoughts did come to me. Many times. But I am so not gonna accept our estonian way of worrying over everything. Hey cmn, we even have that word "worry" in most of our sentences... "Ma muretsen endale auto" etc... How bad is that? I know over times and years I have worried more than I can count BUT then it all comes back to giving this s... away. Worrying is so not from our Heavenly FATHER. I mean what Heavenly Father, what King, would want their princes or princesses to worry? They´ve got it covered, so their sons and daughters could enjoy!

Something reallly bad happened yesterday. And I got bad thoughts like straight away. And they took over me and I was in it for 3-4 hours, just constantly worrying and I just hated everything including myself... And the thing was solved within minutes actually, I just never read the e-mail. Everything was back to right, and there I was, sitting, thinking, why on earth I wasted 3-4 hours of my day being in that bubble????!!!!???

Anyway, here I am. Its 8.39 am and Im happy. Its a new day, a new chance for me.
And I just realized I am going to have a 3 week holiday in October! First going to Germany for a week, then back to the UK for 1 day and then 2 weeks in Canada! Hallelujah. :D Now how cool is that?

So my little worriers, take my advice and be warriors instead, its so much better! :)

Day 149: A new song is rising...

Lyrics of my new song 11-08-2011:

Father wont You come and take this heart
Father wont You come and take this hand
Father wont You come and take this life
Today, today
I NEED YOU, I NEED YOU, I NEED YOU, TODAY
Father will You kiss away my pain
Daddy will You sweep me in Your arms
Daddy will You lift me higher and higher and higher and higher...
And every day u come my way
Bring a smile to my face
Every day

I think someone should put a sign up for me when I drink wine. A sign that says, NOT more then 1,5 glasses and SLOW DOWN (well, see I tend to drink my 2 glasses really quick and that does the trick especially when the wine is sparkling)! :)

Päev 147

Täna 2 kuu pärast näen oma kallist!! :)

Day sadanelikümmendviis: Beautiful

I am sorry for not being so active lately. I am kinda busy here. Well, I am. Our B&B is very full at the moment and its a lot of work I must say and by the time I get back home Im very tired and then Im working on that surprise (it is still a secret). I wish I could just shout it out to the world. Not yet. Oh well... :) But surprises are good uuh?
Well, its 6.19 am and my fingers are not working properly. And neither is my mind. I have to get going in an hour. Great. Another breakfast for 15 people. Its a lot to serve, but we will manage. :) I wish I´d had something smart to say. I kinda dont. Except that in 2 months time I will fly to Canada and I yesterday I paid back everything I owned for the tickets. Now Im free from this. I can just be and relax now and breath finally... And I mean its kinda hard to put money aside when ure a volunteer and get a weekly food money. BUT I DID IT! Thank you mom and dad for raising me with good hearts and helping me to realize we dont need to buy everything and can actually save some... :D So only 2 months left for me to go. I am so very excited... :)
Shh. What else. Oh this littletowngirl got to go to a big city on Saturday. It was fun. With dear friends we had a lot of fun. Saw a few street musicians and went to many shops, took tons of picture and just enjoyed ourselves... Was needed very badly! :)
Alrighty. Sending you my love. I really do miss you, my dear Estonian and one canadian and one dutch and this crazy latvian and... oh you! :)
K

Day 142: Gold

"Coz sometimes it is the muck that hides the gold" (something my friend said to a friend and this friend said it to me, haha, a bit complicated huh?)

Sometimes we think that we have nothing to give. Nothing. And yet we dont realize that maybe it is hidden under all this dirt, all this crap that needs to be removed before the gold comes out. So today. Today is the day I realized something. Maybe it is the muck that has stopped me in a certain area in my life. And this muck needs to be removed in order for a gold to be revealed.
:)

Day 139: Little kisses

26.07 - I must say that some ppl just know about timing. Was walking home after work feeling very tired and suddenly there was this couple passing by and the guy just looks at me with the biggest smile on his face and says really loud: "SMILE" so guess what. Heck yess, I smiled all the way back... ;)
28.07 - Served breakfast in B&B for 18 people and one of them looked at me and asked if I had baked the cake yesterday and Im already like okoou... and she smiles and says that the cake was just wonderful. Have never heard that from a random guest before. Plus we had such a wonderful bonfire in the evening with smores that I introduced to my amazing team here.
29.07 - Received an awesome wedding invitation from my sis.
31.07 - WOW. I have never before in my life had 22 people applauding to me coz of the dessert I made. What an encouragement.
01.08 - Wrote my 10th or 11th song. WOW. :) Cant share it with you yet, but soon!

So like Paul said about Daddy´s little kisses: "Truth is Kirsi He gives you kisses every day, but it takes a friend to open our eyes so that we may see them... enjoy there are plenty more."

:)