Who hasnt read my story yet, PLEASE DO:http://virsika.blogspot.com/2010/12/my-story.html
And the story of my family:
http://virsika.blogspot.com/2011/03/story-of-my-family_03.html
Hugs.
Be blessed today.
Under His wings and Favor.
31.1.12
...
Who hasnt read my story yet, PLEASE DO:http://virsika.blogspot.com/2010/12/my-story.html
And the story of my family:
http://virsika.blogspot.com/2011/03/story-of-my-family_03.html
Hugs.
Be blessed today.
Under His wings and Favor.
30.1.12
Day 317 (I think)
A week more and my mum is here. I got her a good room here, with a bath and a big bed and a view to the lake, so she could just relax and enjoy her time and space. ;) Nice.
I got my first 8 hours of sleep in this flat. Its been a long time and I needed it so bad. Happy!
I have been working the last few days. Y-day was especially hard. Well, I had to cook breakfast for 14 people and 10 of them were a group so they were there in a same time. :D And because they were late basically it was 14 in a same time. But I did it. And all the plates came back empty. So pleasing to see your cooking is getting better and better. And I know its only bacon, 4 different kind of eggs, mushroom, beans, pancakes etc. But its still cooking. I mean I have never minded cooking for my own family at home, but this is different. They are all people I dont know and I cant just mess up and say, hey Im sorry. :D This is work. But Im getting better and more patient with myself.
So what else. Sometimes my head is so empty I cant squeese nothing out. I better stop otherwise I will make no sense.
Hey write to me, let me know how are you, what you´re up to... Id like to know, Id like to hear from you... Ok? Deal! ;)
Huggs, K
I got my first 8 hours of sleep in this flat. Its been a long time and I needed it so bad. Happy!
I have been working the last few days. Y-day was especially hard. Well, I had to cook breakfast for 14 people and 10 of them were a group so they were there in a same time. :D And because they were late basically it was 14 in a same time. But I did it. And all the plates came back empty. So pleasing to see your cooking is getting better and better. And I know its only bacon, 4 different kind of eggs, mushroom, beans, pancakes etc. But its still cooking. I mean I have never minded cooking for my own family at home, but this is different. They are all people I dont know and I cant just mess up and say, hey Im sorry. :D This is work. But Im getting better and more patient with myself.
So what else. Sometimes my head is so empty I cant squeese nothing out. I better stop otherwise I will make no sense.
Hey write to me, let me know how are you, what you´re up to... Id like to know, Id like to hear from you... Ok? Deal! ;)
Huggs, K
28.1.12
Ehmodcbhjxnhj
Well.
Im ddddooowwwwn. Im tired. I cant sleep in this new flat. I go to bed and I just turn and toss and toss and turn and it takes me at least an hour to get sleep and then I wake up at least 1-2 times during the night and then Im up-up like at 6 or 7am. Now seriously? Can a room next to the main-street really affect me so much? I guess so. And at the weekends the sounds from outside are just unbearable. So I keep stuffing my ears with earplugs. And ok. Im also a bit in a complaining-mood or something like that.
Oh and we people, we are just so freaking weird that Im bothered by it. Like I cut my hair 2 days ago and the amount of attention I recieved was just over the moon. And now, 2 days later, Im craving for more, more, more, more. Like a parasite. Always wanting more. Now whats with that? Oh man, its like an endless cycle we live in. I want to step out from that train and for once be satisfied with the world. With me. With my hair. With my body. With or without compliments and attention. Im just totally all over the place. Forgive me. Not. :)
Oh and by the talks yesterday my future is decided as well. I will move to a mansion in a big forest, have a very hairy husband and kids who are hairy as well and my husband will sing all the sweet squirrels to me and the house is gonna be inside a big cage so the squirrels couldnt escape. Pu-rr-fect. Now, joke or not, its a serious business. The husband-thingy. Im a single woman, 24-soon-to-be-25. HAHA. Ok now you can laugh out loud. Its permitted. Youve got my promission.
Anyway. Im tired. oh I already told that one right?
I did some painting today. Tested my skills. Let me say it like this. ITS SO COOL. The pics are not so good, but I havent hold a brush in my hands for ages. So I tested som colours and patterns. Maybe Ill do some serious business another day. Bits and pieces of diff things. Ive got all the time in the world. ;)
Mum is coming in a week. Now thats sweet.
Im ddddooowwwwn. Im tired. I cant sleep in this new flat. I go to bed and I just turn and toss and toss and turn and it takes me at least an hour to get sleep and then I wake up at least 1-2 times during the night and then Im up-up like at 6 or 7am. Now seriously? Can a room next to the main-street really affect me so much? I guess so. And at the weekends the sounds from outside are just unbearable. So I keep stuffing my ears with earplugs. And ok. Im also a bit in a complaining-mood or something like that.
Oh and we people, we are just so freaking weird that Im bothered by it. Like I cut my hair 2 days ago and the amount of attention I recieved was just over the moon. And now, 2 days later, Im craving for more, more, more, more. Like a parasite. Always wanting more. Now whats with that? Oh man, its like an endless cycle we live in. I want to step out from that train and for once be satisfied with the world. With me. With my hair. With my body. With or without compliments and attention. Im just totally all over the place. Forgive me. Not. :)
Oh and by the talks yesterday my future is decided as well. I will move to a mansion in a big forest, have a very hairy husband and kids who are hairy as well and my husband will sing all the sweet squirrels to me and the house is gonna be inside a big cage so the squirrels couldnt escape. Pu-rr-fect. Now, joke or not, its a serious business. The husband-thingy. Im a single woman, 24-soon-to-be-25. HAHA. Ok now you can laugh out loud. Its permitted. Youve got my promission.
Anyway. Im tired. oh I already told that one right?
I did some painting today. Tested my skills. Let me say it like this. ITS SO COOL. The pics are not so good, but I havent hold a brush in my hands for ages. So I tested som colours and patterns. Maybe Ill do some serious business another day. Bits and pieces of diff things. Ive got all the time in the world. ;)
Mum is coming in a week. Now thats sweet.
26.1.12
Who´s that girl?
So you know. This feeling of a change coming. But not realizing that the change comes sooner then you think. Walking past this place about 4-5 times in the last 2 days not daring to walk in. Going back home. Sitting down with your tea. Leaving your tea behind, going out again. Arriving to the place and finally asking when can I come. After her answer that she is available the same evening, freaking out but still going for it. Leaving home 6.50 pm terrified but certain that nothing´s gonna hold you back anymore. So I did it. And I feel wonderful. I feel like a new woman. A woman who is actually turning 25 not 15. It feels amazing. And honestly I didnt tell anyone about this decision and I dont know; there are probably some out there who hate my decision. And its ok. COZ I LOVE IT!!!!!! :)And I did something else. When I was 17 I had my navel pierced. Yes. It might sound strange that me, Kirsi had a piercing like that. But I somehow had to do it. It gave me a new identity that only I knew about. Of c in a summer-time others saw it as well but I felt that it made me more beautiful (which is not a truth). It was a time of me struggling with eating-disorder. Me trying to find out who I really am. So a week ago or so I just stood in front of a mirror and I took it off and havent put it back. And never gonna. Things are changing in me. I feel it somehow ended something for me. And again - it feels like a huge burden was taken away from me. A burden to melt in with all the "thin" "pretty" girls. I am no beib. I am me, Kirsi. With my faults and stuff. And I am learning to love my body, learning to love me the way I am.
24.1.12
23.1.12
21.1.12
A little glympse.
Time for a little truth.
So.
As you all know I came to Bala for 6 months and slowly it has turned out to be 10 months by now.
I have no idea where I am heading and what is my next step in this crazy life.
And I am sorry that I havent come back yet. I wish things would be a bit different.
I just dont know where should I go.
Or what should I do.
So I am here.
I still love it here and probably I will always consider Bala and the people here as my home and family.
But I know the time will come when Im gonna move on.
And Im being about 100% honest here when I say I dont know how long Im staying to work in a B&B.
And 100% honest when I say that I dont know if Im coming back to Estonia this year.
So there we go.
I am also just a girl in a big wide world. With pretty big dreams. And hopes. And I love being 24 years old. Just saying. Its not that Im totally doing nothing important in my life.
Im just seeking and hoping that I will never let go of my Dad´s hand.
...
So.
As you all know I came to Bala for 6 months and slowly it has turned out to be 10 months by now.
I have no idea where I am heading and what is my next step in this crazy life.
And I am sorry that I havent come back yet. I wish things would be a bit different.
I just dont know where should I go.
Or what should I do.
So I am here.
I still love it here and probably I will always consider Bala and the people here as my home and family.
But I know the time will come when Im gonna move on.
And Im being about 100% honest here when I say I dont know how long Im staying to work in a B&B.
And 100% honest when I say that I dont know if Im coming back to Estonia this year.
So there we go.
I am also just a girl in a big wide world. With pretty big dreams. And hopes. And I love being 24 years old. Just saying. Its not that Im totally doing nothing important in my life.
Im just seeking and hoping that I will never let go of my Dad´s hand.
...
18.1.12
Päev 305
I have these random thoughts goin on today (like thats an exception, haha).
Im sitting in a local pub.
There is this weird guy making horrible sounds in the back room. I dare not look.
I-a is sitting across the table rolling her eyes on him. I agree.
Anyway. The tea is cold already. I need lunch soon.
We still dont have internet.
Thats why Im here.
Cool.
Random.
I like random. I bet you too.
I cant wait my mum to come here. It will be so exciting. I pray to God the weather improves and we could have some long nice walks with her, maybe go to beach etc. Maybe a castle or two?
And some other thoughts are trying to push through. Not so nice ones.
Like Im a loser. So here I go. I publicly want to announce Im thinking bad thoughts. But hey, did you know that its not my own thoughts. Someone is trying to push me down lately. And with not so great thoughts about me. That nobody wants me, nor likes me. Again NOT true. I know its not because the people who actually are my friends love me. So I also want to believe that when I meet HIM one day... Ok Im not going there not going going.
Random.
Is sometimes.
Good.
Coz I dont know why but it makes me see the truth and abandon the lies. If not for forever then at least for the day. And here I am, living in a day, not in tomorrow. Trying, going on.
Ok giving up, this sound from that weird guy is jusy horrible. Pcking my stuff and going to go and have a decent lunch somewhere. :D
Love.
Me.
Ill end with this little thought from my friend which I think is absolutely beautiful:
"Life's too short..So take a moment. Look around you and cherish what you have! You probably have more than you think. Don’t complain too much..if you don’t have something…some people don’t have anything! If there’s someone you care about, let them know that. Write letters(real ones) to your friends, tell them how much they mean to you. Spend time with your family, yeah we all say at one point in ...our lives: “I hate my parents..or siblings..they’re so annoying.” But take a moment and think, what if they’re not there tomorrow. Would you be able to live..to breathe without them?! If there’s someone who supported you when you were struggling, say thank you to them. Maybe you felt alone at some point and there was someone who lifted your spirit. So say thank you!! Cause the truth is..so much can happen in a single day..in a moment. Spread some love and truly cherish the life around you! I love you!♥"
Im sitting in a local pub.
There is this weird guy making horrible sounds in the back room. I dare not look.
I-a is sitting across the table rolling her eyes on him. I agree.
Anyway. The tea is cold already. I need lunch soon.
We still dont have internet.
Thats why Im here.
Cool.
Random.
I like random. I bet you too.
I cant wait my mum to come here. It will be so exciting. I pray to God the weather improves and we could have some long nice walks with her, maybe go to beach etc. Maybe a castle or two?
And some other thoughts are trying to push through. Not so nice ones.
Like Im a loser. So here I go. I publicly want to announce Im thinking bad thoughts. But hey, did you know that its not my own thoughts. Someone is trying to push me down lately. And with not so great thoughts about me. That nobody wants me, nor likes me. Again NOT true. I know its not because the people who actually are my friends love me. So I also want to believe that when I meet HIM one day... Ok Im not going there not going going.
Random.
Is sometimes.
Good.
Coz I dont know why but it makes me see the truth and abandon the lies. If not for forever then at least for the day. And here I am, living in a day, not in tomorrow. Trying, going on.
Ok giving up, this sound from that weird guy is jusy horrible. Pcking my stuff and going to go and have a decent lunch somewhere. :D
Love.
Me.
Ill end with this little thought from my friend which I think is absolutely beautiful:
"Life's too short..So take a moment. Look around you and cherish what you have! You probably have more than you think. Don’t complain too much..if you don’t have something…some people don’t have anything! If there’s someone you care about, let them know that. Write letters(real ones) to your friends, tell them how much they mean to you. Spend time with your family, yeah we all say at one point in ...our lives: “I hate my parents..or siblings..they’re so annoying.” But take a moment and think, what if they’re not there tomorrow. Would you be able to live..to breathe without them?! If there’s someone who supported you when you were struggling, say thank you to them. Maybe you felt alone at some point and there was someone who lifted your spirit. So say thank you!! Cause the truth is..so much can happen in a single day..in a moment. Spread some love and truly cherish the life around you! I love you!♥"
16.1.12
tetetea
Tea-time.I have a little break at the moment. Its a Beautiful Monday outside and I have to work. No problem, coz I get to enjoy the sunshine inside. Its unnormally cold in Bala, Im not used to this but hey, winter winter winter.
So since we moved to a new flat Im not sure when we will have Internet there, so Im not gonna make any big posts meanwhile. I know you are already missing me, am I right? :)
But one great great news is that my precious mum is gonna come to Bala. Not telling you the dates or anything, but I booked her flights. So happy and pleased, mum is gonna have a little rest here and I get to spoil her. How good is that?
:)
12.1.12
299
Somehow I cant get these ideas off from my mind, so I better write them down. Maybe they are for you. If not then just forget what I wrote. :) I know you´ll still love me.
So, Ive been wondering and come up with a few things.
You know, the dreams you dream? Yes you know them, Im sure by the time you read the word "dream" you already got an idea or a thought or some picture of something. Like for me this word brings a lot of stuff in my mind to do with worship, with music, singing, playing etc.
But what is it with dreaming? Are they God-given? Why do we dream? Is it for some reason? YES IT IS. I believe once we start to know who we are, and what we are made for. Well, I am my FATHERS daugher and made for a relationship with Him. So what I think is that the dreams are from our Father. Because He has put music in me. Big time. And at one point I stopped dreaming coz I was so afraid. Not that Im not now. I still am. But because I believe the dreams are from God then I also know He is gonna find a way to lead me to it. I believe He is preparing me right now. But its not only the result that matters but also the preparation. Coz can you imagine living in constant fear of future? Instead of enjoying the present you just cant wait to see the years in front.
So I think 2 things are important. One - to believe your dreams, to keep dreaming, to keep hoping, to believeing that Father knows the perfect plan. Two - to also enjoy the present, to see this time as an important time.
And in a way, heck, I am already doing what I love. I get to worship, sing, I get to play a bit of a guitar. Seriously? 6 months ago I would have laughed at everyone who would have said that Kirsi, you´ll be playing a guitar soon. Like Sarah in the Bible when God told her she will be carrying a baby. I wouldnt have believed it. And here I am, playing quite a good amount and may I say that what I hear is not bad at all. (:
So there you go - dare to dream. And dare to act if the door opens, dont think that your Father is a small Father. He will be there, pushing you Gently and with love.
Just like He usually does. With L O V E.
K
So, Ive been wondering and come up with a few things.
You know, the dreams you dream? Yes you know them, Im sure by the time you read the word "dream" you already got an idea or a thought or some picture of something. Like for me this word brings a lot of stuff in my mind to do with worship, with music, singing, playing etc.
But what is it with dreaming? Are they God-given? Why do we dream? Is it for some reason? YES IT IS. I believe once we start to know who we are, and what we are made for. Well, I am my FATHERS daugher and made for a relationship with Him. So what I think is that the dreams are from our Father. Because He has put music in me. Big time. And at one point I stopped dreaming coz I was so afraid. Not that Im not now. I still am. But because I believe the dreams are from God then I also know He is gonna find a way to lead me to it. I believe He is preparing me right now. But its not only the result that matters but also the preparation. Coz can you imagine living in constant fear of future? Instead of enjoying the present you just cant wait to see the years in front.
So I think 2 things are important. One - to believe your dreams, to keep dreaming, to keep hoping, to believeing that Father knows the perfect plan. Two - to also enjoy the present, to see this time as an important time.
And in a way, heck, I am already doing what I love. I get to worship, sing, I get to play a bit of a guitar. Seriously? 6 months ago I would have laughed at everyone who would have said that Kirsi, you´ll be playing a guitar soon. Like Sarah in the Bible when God told her she will be carrying a baby. I wouldnt have believed it. And here I am, playing quite a good amount and may I say that what I hear is not bad at all. (:
So there you go - dare to dream. And dare to act if the door opens, dont think that your Father is a small Father. He will be there, pushing you Gently and with love.
Just like He usually does. With L O V E.
K
11.1.12
298
This lady here went bowling yesterday...But other then that --> moving moving moving.
We´re moving to a new flat this week.
The big news.
The end.
8.1.12
7.1.12
294
Here I am and here you are. And I am writing and you´re reading. Makes sense huh?
Ok, I am back. Back to Bala. It was a crazy 2 weeks for me in Estonia. I rested and chillaxed and ate some good food, tons of bread for example. :)
A little summary of what I did:
On a 24th of December had a Christmas-party with all the relatives that were around
Practised guitar on a same day with Margus for 5-6 hours, maybe more
Went to Saaremaa for 3 days, saw some friends, relatives, drove a car after 1,5 years of break and it felt just amazing
Went to Tartu and saw my best girls, enjoyed every second and moment with them
Saw Sherlock Holmes and Jane Eyre
Fooled around until I cry-laughed
Went back home for 2 days, spent some time with mum, dad & Ester
Had a little worship-prayer-fellowship
Came back to Bala
Ok, this was just a short review of my good time at home. Of course there can be always things that try to ruin your mood and your heart, but the important thing is to see the positive and the good stuff is always there, just open your eyes. :)
And now Im back to Bala. I thought I have slept enough but Im still sleeping so much. I just woke up, 10 hours of sleep??? Me? Sleeping 10 hours??? After a holiday???!!! :D
Let the New Year bring peace into my heart and yours.
May you decisions be made with God, with your Father.
See His love in little things.
You dont have to look for big miracles to realize He is with you. Look at the sky f.e. Its changing colour all the time. Just another kiss.
Recieve His kisses and gifts.
Dont waste your time for being angry and jelaous. There will ALWAYS be people who have more and who are more talented. But you have your own gifts and anyway, who is the one who measures? We are. We measure each other by our talents and how wrong is that?
Let God measure you and tell you how worthy you are.
Let God tell you how beautiful...
...or handsome you are.
Not the world.
Coz the world measures with words like sexy and hot.
Which is not bad, but it has been made bad.
So there you go.
Enjoy 2012.
Lets celebrate and breath it in with its new opportonities and doors.
:) K
Ok, I am back. Back to Bala. It was a crazy 2 weeks for me in Estonia. I rested and chillaxed and ate some good food, tons of bread for example. :)
A little summary of what I did:
On a 24th of December had a Christmas-party with all the relatives that were around
Practised guitar on a same day with Margus for 5-6 hours, maybe more
Went to Saaremaa for 3 days, saw some friends, relatives, drove a car after 1,5 years of break and it felt just amazing
Went to Tartu and saw my best girls, enjoyed every second and moment with them
Saw Sherlock Holmes and Jane Eyre
Fooled around until I cry-laughed
Went back home for 2 days, spent some time with mum, dad & Ester
Had a little worship-prayer-fellowship
Came back to Bala
Ok, this was just a short review of my good time at home. Of course there can be always things that try to ruin your mood and your heart, but the important thing is to see the positive and the good stuff is always there, just open your eyes. :)
And now Im back to Bala. I thought I have slept enough but Im still sleeping so much. I just woke up, 10 hours of sleep??? Me? Sleeping 10 hours??? After a holiday???!!! :D
Let the New Year bring peace into my heart and yours.
May you decisions be made with God, with your Father.
See His love in little things.
You dont have to look for big miracles to realize He is with you. Look at the sky f.e. Its changing colour all the time. Just another kiss.
Recieve His kisses and gifts.
Dont waste your time for being angry and jelaous. There will ALWAYS be people who have more and who are more talented. But you have your own gifts and anyway, who is the one who measures? We are. We measure each other by our talents and how wrong is that?
Let God measure you and tell you how worthy you are.
Let God tell you how beautiful...
...or handsome you are.
Not the world.
Coz the world measures with words like sexy and hot.
Which is not bad, but it has been made bad.
So there you go.
Enjoy 2012.
Lets celebrate and breath it in with its new opportonities and doors.
:) K
3.1.12
My little monsters.
Do you have these friends in your life that are always there for you no matter how far they are. No matter how little you actually meet. No matter how different you are.I have a few. And I am so happy I dont have many many.
Because they are my heart & soul-friends. They are angels in my life. And they are always in my heart. So deep. They are rooted there.
I had the best 4 days ever. It was just so wonderful to be with these angels (haha, more like little monsters, but hey) and to actually see that no time, no distance, nothing can seperate our friendship.
I love them.
Thank you for spending your time with me.
For sharing your life with me.
And bed.
;)
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