:)

Issi ja Margus on nädala aja pärast siin, Balas. Ainult 1 nädal veel ja saan oma issi kaissu! :) Olen emme-issikas, aga mis teha. Ega vanus ei muuda seda, et ma nende tütar olen ja olgugi, et vanim. ;)
Nii, et kui tahad nendega midagi saata mulle, noh nt sünnipäevaks (väljapressimine, ma tean küll), siis ole vaba seda tegema. ;) Kurb on muidugi see, et nad peavad 29.aprill tagasi tulema ja 30.on minu päev, aga ehk saan nad kuidagi välja sööma meelitada, et nii, kirsi auks! :D
Päike paistab aknast nii mõnusalt ja kell on ka selline varajane, 8.00 hommikul... Lähen 20 minuti pärast tööle, teistele süüa tegema. Olen siin aasta ja 1 kuu olnud, ja vahel ikka mõtlen, et nii huvitav, tegelikult see on selline teenimistöö ju, teiste heaks, AGA see ei ole halb. Me ei peakski iseennast teenima, vaid teisi. Ja selleläbi olen ma nii palju röömu kogenud tegelikult, rohkem kui halba. Tühjad taldrikud, mis tagasi tulevad, on enamasti parim allikas õnneks. ;) Kõlab suht tobedalt, aga nii on... Mõtle, sa küpsetad midagi ja kõik ütlevad, et see kook on nii HEA, teeb ju õnnelikuks? Ma ei pea saama tuhandeid kroone selleks, et hea oleks, piisab naeratusest ja küsimusest, kes selle küpsetas? :)
Igal juhul, panin selga oma triibulise kleidi ja ehk see meelitab suve siia tagasi nüüd. Oleks aeg. Kaks nädalat suve ja siis tuleb talv tagasi, ei nii ei saa... See on ainult piinamine nii ju. Mõnes mõttes on see üles-alla ilm ikka halb, kunagi ei tea, mida selga panna või jalga. Eile käisin tennistega ja järgmine hetk hakkas sadama, 5 minutit hiljem oli kuiv ja siis 5 minutit hiljem sadas jälle. Ja nii on siin KOGU aeg.
Ok, ma lõpetan. Mu Eesti keel ei ole ikka piisavalt hea enam, pean rohkem harjutama. Ma ei saa oma mõtete selgitamisega eriti hästi hakkama... :D haha.
Hea. :)

11.04.2012 --> like you didnt know that huh? ;)

If a bird never worries about its food why do we people constantly trouble our mind and heart with worry, fear, future? Why cant we just sit back and let Father deal with these things? :)
I hope your today and your tomorrow will be given to Daddy! And know in your heart that youre loved more than anything else, more than anyone else. He loves YOU in His own unique way! Just like He loves me in my way. Kirsi-way! :) He loves the way I laugh, the way I make stupid jokes and the way my hair looks rather interesting in the mornings. Oh but HE DOES! :)

And if ure asking what the heck has this bird in its mouth, well, FOOD! And yes, I finally got a picture of my yellow-peak blackbird. Have been trying so hard and yesterday it came to me. I see a lesson here I have yet to learn - dont try so hard, let things happen naturally! ;)
Had a great day y-day. Went out with my people, had a BIG ice cream and a nice walk in small place I went exactly a year ago for my b-day. Later slept with my mouth open on our way back to Bala and slept more when I got to my bed. :D
Alright, gotta get ready for work now! Hugs, K.

Her

Yummy. I just felt like I did something my granny used to do. Oh wait, I actually did something my granny used to do... Okok, that was not funny. :)
But I did wake up and made myself a very homey (is that a word or does it actually sound like Homer??) breakfast. A piece of toast soaked in milk+egg+sugar+cinnamon which of course ended up in a frying pan. Oh so good with maple syrup (which is so not like my granny who always put double portion of sugar instead)...
And top it all up with a great big hole for missing my grandma. She was something special. Both of my grannys were but one of them left a mark in me and I am who I am today partly (maybe even mostly) because of her. She was the one who showed me how to pray when things got rough. And how to work. Really work, not lazy around. How to dig holes and clean strawberries. How to act so others wouldnt get hurt. And how to love. She showed me what love meant. For her it was sleeping in one big bed with 5 kids while she was somewhere in the corner not having enough space to breathe. Love also was giving money to buy ice cream when there was no money. Or smiling her most beautiful smile when I was hurting and telling me everythings gonna be alright. Or putting a tea leaf on a scratch I got when running around and climbing trees (not a very girly thing to do, but heck). Sometimes it was strawberries soaked in a milk and sugar or a big pile of food on my plate so I wouldnt go skinny (like that was ever possible with her food)... But most of the times it was just her with her presence. She had something about her that made her the best granny in the whole wide world.
And my world shook quite a lot when she left to meet Jesus some years ago. But I smiled through tears coz I knew she was in a better place. A place where she finally could rest and a place where she could pray for us and not fear. A place where the word FEAR dont even excist. Oh how I long to meet her one day. And climb into her arms and not let go. She is my role model and one of the most beautiful people I have ever met. There is non like her.
My beautiful beautiful granny.
I miss you.
A lot.

Amazing grace how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost but now am found
Was blind, but now, I see

Kohupiimapurukook

Vahel kui mul igav on, või kui mul päriselt aega on, siis lähen ma poodi, ei vaata raha peale, ostan materjalid, tulen koju ja hakkan küpsetama. Eile tegin ma plaaditäie kohupiimapurukooki. Millest paar tükki on söödud ja jagatud, aga enamus vajab veel maitsmist. ;) Ma olen aastaid küpsetamist nautinud, see on midagi, kus ma end koduselt tunnen.
Aga eile ma panin midagi uut tähele. Mulle meeldib teha asju natuke teisiti. Mul on retsept ees, aga ma pean alati mingi "kirsi" twisti juurde panema, sest muidu ei ole see minu. Ja nii sai eile kohupiimakook endale ananassitükid maitseks. Nii hea. :)
Ja pitsapitsapitsa. Seda teen ma ka omamoodi, aga vot ma ei ütle, kuidas. Muidu tahad veel järgi teha. :D
Vabad päevad on head. Eile peale kogu seda küpsetustralli läksin ma pikali, panin ülistusmuusika mängima vaikselt ja lihtsalt olin nii 2 tundi. Muidugi mul kõht ka ikka valutab, oleks hea, kui see nüüd ära läheks... Aga see aeg oli hea. Lihtsalt mina ja muusika ja Isa. Ma usun, et mingil imelikul, mingil erilisel viisil Ta lohutas mind eile läbi vaikuses olemise. Ma ei kuulnud mingeid suuri lauseid, mingeid sõnu, aga ma teadsin, et Ta on minuga, Ta on minuga tormis ja vaikuses ka. See on see, mida igaüks meist vajaks teada...
Täna on ka veel vaba. Ärkasin hommikul üles ja esimene asi, mis nägin, olid Johnny suured silmad. Nii huvitav on see, et see on kuidagi lohutav. Ärgata oma kaisukaru kaisus. Ja teada, et sa oled armastatud. :D Ma ei ole segane! hehe...
Ja kuna meil on jälle piima majas, siiiiis sain oma teed teha. Appi, ma ei oska enam. Pean Eestisse tulles vist esimese asjana poes käima, et musta teed ja piima. Muidu ei saa hommikuti ärgatud! :)
Ma ei ole veel õelnud, millal ma tulen, eks? Ma mõtlen, et kogemata ei ole ka vist õelnud kellelegi... Uh. See on ainuke saladus, mida ma olen päriselt üritanud ka 10 küünega endale hoida... hehe. Kõik muu on kõigile alati enne mind ka teada... :D
See on selline vaba-hommiku-läbi-segi-blogi, nii et ära pahanda, kui ma hüppan ühelt teemalt teisele. Mis siis veel... Issi ja Margus on varsti siin!!!!!!!!! 1,5 nädalat veel jäänud ja saan oma issit jälle kallistada. NII HEA! Ja siis 23 päeva pärast olen ma veerand-saja-aasta-vanune.
Ok. Lõpetan ühe ilusa ja maitsva pildi üleslaadimisega. Tsautsau. :)

:)

I understand my posts have been a wee bit of negative lately. Its just coz I havent had the easiest time in the whole wide world. Pain in my head, stomach, sleepless nights... Wll, doesnt make one´s life very easy huh? :)
But here I am saying. I know things never happen just because. Some stuff I dont know why it happens. Some stuff is so painful you wanna bury your whole body from the world. Some stuff God will bring it for the good. And some stuff is amazing. And I think one day when I stand in front of my Lord I will have a chance to ask Him why did You let this come or why did You pick me, Kirsika, to do this? And maybe then Ill know or maybe He will look me in the eye and say: "I am your God, I am who I am and I am love". Maybe... :) As for now I know everything is in His hands and my life is but a journey with HIM and its enough for me. Even in my hard times, sucky days I find my rest in HIM. In Him alone. I cant find my rest in people even if I try really hard. I can find love in people and I can find God in people, but my trust should be in God. And my hope should be in Him. I want to build my life on Him, not on people and circumstances and things. Only on Him.
So its Easter today. Im so happy I have 2 days off. Ofc Id rather go somewhere then be here but cant at the moment so Ill jus try to take the best out of these days. I am so loved. Did you know that? Did you know Kirsi is loved by her Father? And she knows it. She wants to walk in this confidence and love and never let go.
So go and find your rest. Find a place where you can look at Him and be in peace. Find Him. Jesus died for you. We are celebrating His unconditional love this weekend and its the most beautiful thing. There is no other love like His. No other. :)

Me- its all about ME!

So why do I so easily let my heart be troubled by circumstances instead of looking to my Father?
I have been so tired lately, I barely keep my eyes open at work and when I get home I just sleep and sleep and then Im up for a few more hours to go back to bed again... I have been grumpy with people and a bit meanymeany and I feel as though I could do with a break from everything. I am not sad or anything, I am just tired.
And here comes the trixy part. I dont want my circumstances to bring me down or to bring people around me down because of me. I want to trust Him in everything and yet I fail.
Which doesnt mean I am a failure.
Because God is love. And grace and a new beginning.
So here I am saying that I need Him.
I need Him in my good days and also in my bad days. I dont want to be up and down. I want to be constant in Him.
And the thing is I am 100% human. I can be tired and I can feel like ... but that doesnt give me the right to snap at people. It just doesnt. The sad thing is that I always thought I HAVE the right to do that just because they are good friends or family. NO. I have been given a lot of thought to that lately and it is no excuse. I should treat them with respect and with love. Like Father has treated me, Like HE has accepted me fully into His family and heck, He never snaps at me.
So my friend, this is SO not a sad post. Or a "why-did-she-write-this-kind-of-thing-here?" post. This is just me writing down something I have been dealing with. And I tell you it is not the easiest thing in the whole wide world for me to step back and see myself from aside. I tend not to do that when it comes to ME. I try to justify my behavior. But something in my heart is changing and has already changed. Its not about ME. Its never been about me me me me, my needs, ME ME ME! Yes, I am loved and I am His beloved daughter, BUT the love He has given me, I want to give out in return. Even if it takes me a hundred more years to do that I will give my best shot at that. So bare with me, my precious friend, Im on a journey which will last a life-time.

Its already the 4th of April. And I woke up to snow. IN BALA. SNOW?? Did I say I woke up to SNOOOWWW?? Like what? I mean almost non of it has sticked to the ground or anything, but the mountains around the lake are covered with it. So white and beautiful. It is a "bit" wet and Im not very excited about walking in tomorrow morning but at least its fresh air I keep saying to myself...
Oh right. Back into my little book-world. :)
Kirsi

Oh!

If you live your life in constant fear of what could happen you´ll miss out on what should happen according to His plan!
Heck, how on earth did it take me that long to finally get the point? Im pretty sure I will drift back there a few more times, but I got it. I finally understood the meaning behind these words. I have been quoting them without really getting to the insight and here I am finally with an understanding in my heart.
I have been so afraid, so down, so many times because I have had some BIG fears about myself, about my future, about some people. And I have almost missed out on the opportunities of what God has had for me. And Not only what He has but what HE knows whats best for me. I never want to go back there again. You know the passage in Bible where it says: For freedom He has set us free. Well take it or leave it. I have looked over it in so many times and ways Ive lost my count. And just because fear has gotten on my way, it has paralyzed me and stopped me thinking. Fear of failure, fear of hurt and pain, fear that Ill be dissapointed and an dissapointment. Fear of future, fear of success.
Im pretty sure u know what Im talking about.
But hey Ive got another one: PERFECT LOVE CASTS OUT ALL FEAR. And do you know what, His love is perfect. So if I just let myself for once see things through His perfect love, through His eyes I might see something beautiful.
I have a future.
I have a purpose.
I am His beloved.
And He is mine.
No fear can take me or stop me. If it does I know now where to run. Not away, but back to Him. Back where I should go. TO HIM!
Yeah, I will fail again. And I will cry. And I´ll be hurt again. And Ill face hardships but I want to look and rely upon His promises.
So shake that fear. Shake it so hard it will go away. Kick its butt. Let it run screaming from you. No daughter or son of God should live in fear. He has set our feet on a firm rock. And He has SET US FREE.
Go go now and be free of fear.
Oh cmn, get out of here already and do something useful with your day! :D
And ps! THANK YOU V, for always being there for me! I love you so much...
Hugs, Kirsi
:)

Like an action-movie.

My dreams are like action-movies lately. A lot of running and some other sorts of action. Some bad some good. And I dont like it. I dont like dreams, never have and maybe never will. So my prayer is for them to stop. Jup. I got away from one today by a saving alarm...
Just looked at the weather forecast and it says SNOWING for the next 2 days???? LIKE WHAT? Eeeemn, are you kidding me? :D In April, in Wales??? We already had summer here for 2 weeks, what is happening?
So now. Its like 6.09 am and I need to start walking to work soon, and Im still sleeping. Im somewhere in the dream-land of snooze. Maybe. :D
And if I didnt tell you yet, then know this: YOU ARE LOVED. You are so very very very very loved! :)
And so am I!!!
HUGS

APRIL