Day 242: The moment.

You know. The moment. You usually recognize these moments that are So Very Important in your life. These special "I fell in love" or "I passed my exam" or "Will you marry me? Yes." or "I got accepted to this great school!" moments. These are the things to remember.
But there are also these moments, these times when you know that you know that you know that God helped you, that God was behind this and all you can do is to be thankful.
Now. I want you to dig these moments up when times go hard.
I want to remember the goodness of God in times when I dont know where the heck Im going. I want to remember my God´s mercy. His grace upon my life. Because that helps me to move on.
Sometimes. I. Am. Also. Struggling. Big. Time.
My head is spinning and heart is in trouble. And thats when I open my heart to remember the times He brought me through. Through anorexia. Through school-problems. Through sickness. Through fire and rain. And you know what. Rain is not so bad. Because once you get inside, you get dry again. You will never be ALWAYS wet.. (and anyway, we are not made of sugar).
So build an altar. Not a physical one. Not an old time rock-altar. But an altar in your memories. Write it down if you need to. I have written down a lot about His goodness. How He was there when I needed to pass my driving test. Or He was there when I struggled in the hospital for weeks, fighting against the spirit of eating disorder. Or like when He helped my family. How He has built the love between my parents who were 17 and 18 when they got married. No love then. A lot of love now.
Or when I had no idea what Im gonna do after high school and He led me to Denmark. How He led me to Tartu to study music and how Im here, in Bala now.
You know, ITS NOT ALL FLOWERS here. Ok? Did you read what I just wrote? Its not all flowers and chocolate and beautiful sunsets here.
Its hard times.
Its days when I feel so alone I wanna die (ok, not really die, but hey, you get the idea).
Its days when I just want to jump on a plain and come back home.
Its days when Im so desperate for a friend.
Its days when I cant wait to meet my future husband already.
But its every day when HE is with me. My God. My Father. My Comforter. My Everything. My One Whom I cling to in Times like these.
You know once I was going on a plain and there was this sweet old man who came to talk to me. But He had this bitter tone when he suddenly started to talk about God. All he said was that God is for weak. And that he didnt need God.
Well. Heck.
God is for weak. I really have no desire to be strong. I cant be strong. BUT in Him I can. I so can and I will and I am.
So jump on a plain. But jump with God and in His time.
Capture the moment and remember it.
Never let go. Promise me?
Never.