:)

Everything you do affects people around you.
I recieved a letter from someone that I dont know. He had read one of my posts about my Heavenly Father, my Daddy and said that it was so good what I wrote. That he is a dad himself and has never thought about God as a Daddy... It affected him. And for that reason only I could continue writing my blog. :) I know that many many, more then 20-30 people come here daily and even though I dont know most of these ppl, it afffects them. In some way or another. Why else would you come here and read this what Im writing right now? ;)
So whatever you do and if that doing is good, know that it may change someone´s life. Seriously.

Keep doing art, keep singing, keep drawing, keep dancing, keep blogging, keep being a monther, keep being a father, keep being a sister and a brother. Keep smiling and hugging. Keep parenting children that are not your own. Keep running, keep doing sports. Keep doing the things that you do coz they have a meaning. Daddy has given them a meaning. And if you hate what you´re doing I think its a time to change the activities! :)

my heart aches.
I see all my friends getting married and engaged this year. and my heart aches. it still aches after 2 months.
Daddy wont you please take me in Your arms and never let me go. ok?

"Ma ei tea kedagi, kes teaks kedagi, kellele ei meeldiks vähemalt korra päevas multikaid vaadata."
See oli parim reklaam, mis ma näinud olen. :)

sometimes

Sometimes I just want to delete all the negative posts that I have written here but then a thought came to me today... I mean all this negativity is also a part of my life. I mean there are days when everything just seems sad, bad, depressive... and it is also a part of me. I cant delete that part of my life. I can definitely change the mood and decide to go on without these feelings but I cant delete that moments-feeling. So here I am, not deleting.

Today. Uuuh beibi, I just took a shower after 2,5 days. Wow. Goooood to be home but kinda lonely here. I need to rest a bit. Make some good food and just be.

byebye

...

Everybody wants to be wanted. Lets just accept it the way it is.

A question

Should I keep on blogging? Has it been helpful to someone? I know ppl who are reading this... And I said in my last post that Im gonna blog nomatterwhat, BUT I want to write if ppl really are receiving something... :) So SHOULD I KEEP ON BLOGGING about my life and adventures and struggles....? :)

Daddy

I have walked a memory-path today. Gone through some old notes, notebooks, pictures... And Ive realized one thing through that. I have an awesome Daddy. He has lead me through so much stuff. I have shared some of it with you. Anorexia was the biggest and loudest scream I had to go through and He just held me while being there. And loved me so big. SO BIG. And all I can do is be thankful... I love my Daddy so much. My heavenly PAPA who has done so much for me. He has been gentle in my process not forcing anything but just holding and keeping me in His lap. Not letting go. Not at all... I have had rocks and mountains and ups and downs. And He has just been there. I have started to hear His voice more clearly now then I have tried to be tuned to Him. And Ive realized I dont have to do much to be loved. Actually nothing at all. Coz you know, HE IS LOVE so He cannot not love me. Did u read what I just said? He dont know how to not love us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He is amazing in His unconditional love. May it fill you as it has started to fill me.

I am leaving in 3 weeks. My life is going through a great change now. Im going for 6 months, as for now. And Im going through a process now in my heart so I know it will be a challenging and yet wonderful time there. Im going to a family. A family that I have already learned to love. And I believe it is gonna be MY resting place. Where I can give and recieve.

In the last 1,5 months there have been crazy storms in my heart. Ups and downs. Big time. A lot of crying and a lot of laughing. Dancing and laying. Being and doing. AND I have realized that my voice is just a bit of me. It is not at all my whole point of excistence though I have thought it is. I CAN JUST BE AND REST IN HIM, coz I am a child, and a princess. Oh yes.

AND I have danced like never before. And I have done things I never thought possible. So I am just surprised beyond... :D haha. Anyway.

And again. Im not gonna end this blogging. Never, because I can preach my heart out here.

AND tell you again and again HOW precious and wonderful you are.

AND How much HE LOVES YOU. Dont you get it? Then let me say it again.

YOU ARE LOVED BY YOUR DADDY. And He so much wants you to accept this knowledge. :)

HUGS, K

Conclusion.

This was probably the most crazy and best trip I´ve ever had on my own. I have had a great amount of trips with my parents or friends but on my own just a few. And I believe this was just a start. Start for my coming years. It felt amazing to do in on my own (well, together with Daddy of course but you know what I mean). And Im seriously amazed what happened during these 10 days. I was accepted, loved, taken care of, LOVED and did I say I was loved?

From the day 1 I felt it was a family. A family who wanted me to be there and a family who loved me unconditionally. I know that non but God can love like that BUT they were pretty close. And I made a decision. I decided to go back there for 6 months. From April til October. This is one heck of a crazy idea BUT I believe that my Dad will take care of me and He is gonna lead me in every step as long as I let HIM.

So now Im on a ship back to Estonia. Yesterday we took a plane to Helsinki with 2 finnish people and I spent the night at Katja and Jani´s place. Haha, oh well, they have 2 crazy cats who tried to own my suitcase and left a huge amount of fur on top of it but what can one do? :) And now in 2,5 hours Im back. Back to my own country where my mum waits for me with potatosalad and some other good stuff. I JUST LOVE HER. You know there was one thing I DISLIKED with a big D in Wales. And it was most of the food (except sweets). It was eather microwaved or not seasoned at all. I added salt 4 times in every meal I had... SO MUM I LOVE YOUUUU :D

And they promised me that when I go back its the time when all sheep have babies... wow SO Im gonna go back to hundreds of baby-sheep wondering around... How sweet is that??? :)

And we had some amazing teaching there. Wow, the team is so wonderful and FULL of Daddy´s love for people. They just love ppl out of their stuff. Of course with the strenght of Papa, but yeah. :) And I cant wait to go back to spring, you know SNOWDROPS were everywhere already and +10 and... just amazzzzing. :) And the way they dance there, CANT WAIT. It is good exercise coz nobody cares how silly you might look. Ppl just dance their fears and failures away. We had many dance-parties... :D Even Vicky and Robert shaked their bodies like no other... :D

Anyway Im gonna end now. And I just say one: DADDY LOVES YOU AND HE HAS THE BEST FOR YOU. And I love you and if u wanna know more about The Heart of Father, ask me! ;)

Hugs, K

WOW

Its my 6th day in Wales (Im not counting W-day when I arrived and went straight to bed) so basically Ive got 3 days left and Im gonna enjoy it coz the next time I come will be in a month, on the 2nd of April or smth... :) Hihi this year Im gonna celebrate my 24th birthday in here then. Oh well, its still gonna be amazing. :)
I love everyone here, they are wonderful and Im so looking forward coming back even though now Im looking forward coming home. Somehow I need this 1 month before coming for sure coz then I can still be with my loved ones and say proper goodbyes and maybe have a big party or smth (for goodbye and early birthday maybe?) ;)

Its been good times here. And Ive been crying a bit. From all the stuff thats stirring up inside. Its crazy I had no idea I still have some fears about so weird things. Not gonna tell them here. BUT we all have a luggage with us that we dont want to let go. And Daddy only can take it from us and replace it with HIS love and mercy and PEACE! So Im on a journey just like everyone else. Just like you and your family and friends... AND this journey is far better then a journey where there is no love from Daddy... ;) Even though a lot of tears can be shed, also a lot of healing will come so...

Ive done a huge ton of baking again. Bread and I just finished muffins. Chocolate ones and vanilla ones... YUM.
Alrighty Im gonna end. BUT know that you are loved. VERY LOVED by your DADDY, by your papa. AND you are a princess. Or a prince! Know it. ok? :)
Hugs, K

Day III

So yesterday...

Woke up around 6.30 or smth and was in the kitchen eating breakfast ab 8. Then started preparing for the guests to have their breakfast. I was serving and Rosie was doing the breakfast. Which is great, I dont mind, I love it that way. :)

Then baked a loaf of bread, baked a cake, baked another cake... :D
Took an 35 minutes walk back from city (went with a car with Rosie but walked back) and LOVED IT. It was beautiful, +10 C, no rain, sun shining, a bit windy. :) Lovely weather I must say! So came back around 4 pm and then had some free time until dinner which was lovely, chiken and vegetables and Snickers ice cream... YUM. And it was the first time I didnt have to add salt...

(Its 6.31 am now). So today we´re gonna do breakfast for about 13 people, crazy amount I have to say. Im not sure how this is going to work out but I can do it. I am enjoying serving others. I also love baking.

And I am planning on coming back in April for 6 months, I think I will. I think it is good for my soul, a little work and then rest in a family, good discussions over the table and praying. And the atmosphere is wonderful. I hope my friends in Est wont forget me coz I really do miss you all and Im especially thinking of you today, tomorrow, coz its FRIEND´S DAY. I wish I could send you all something but I cant since I have no cash and most places requaire paying with cash. BUT I love you and miss you,

Yours, Kirsi :)

All the baking

So 3 breads and 2 cakes in 3 days is nooot bad. :)

...

...and they continue.
Im used to wake up early, so I went out from room to the corridor and then turned the light on. Then tried to get back and the door was locked, HAHA, seriously? And I ran around the house trying to find the code, but nowhere and then went back, and pushed soooo hard that my roomie woke up again and then here I am now, sitting in a toilet and thinking that 3 is a law right? So no more? :D

Day II

This is my 2nd day in Bala. Wow. I had no idea Im already gonna help, but its been wonderful. Ive loved it even though Ive been tired. Coz I couldt fall a sleep after the morning alarm that went on coz of me. :D haha. Big Haha. So anyway, I was in the kitchen at 7.30 with Rosie (Rosie and Paul are the 2nd owners of Bala or smth like that, Im not so sure) and we started preparing breakfast for people who arrived around 8.am, so I had a good time there. After that we cleaned some of the rooms, changed the sheats and...

ok, Im gonna interrupt. I found my 2nd weirdness (I wrote ab my 1st one some time ago). I love to sit on the floor, on the ground, on the carpet, rather then use chairs.
Im gonna continue...
...and baked a bread, and so on... basic cleaning jobs. :) And I didnt mess anything up which is great since I had already done some mess around the building, haha. :) Im a good girl, RIGHT? :D
So its around 5.38, we are gonna have dinner soon and then have a movie-night, YAY!
And I discovered that I absolutely dislike the food here. HOW in the world am I gonna survive 6 months if I decide to come? :D haha, But then again I love the bakings. Yummmmy...
They put no salt in food that should be salty and no seasonings whatsoever. So I have to get used to it or just have a bottle of salt with me everywhere I go...

Im planning on going to city tomorrow, and visit some shops for suveniers maybe to my family and good friends. and then back to here. I think Im gonna move on Sunday to another apartment which is ok I guess. :)
ooh and Ive learned a whole lot of new words here... these weird Wales people. :D
HUGS, and ps! I love u and miss u, ok? :)
Kirsi.

and another ps! if u wanna send me smth for the friends day then just ask my address, haha.. :D

A messer

Yesterday while trying to find an electric outlet to plug my computer´s charger in to I accidentally managed to do something so half of the power went away or smth like that.
Today while sleeping I managed to pull the strings next to my bed so that the alarm went on for the handycapped. wow. I am a messer :D I hope they still love me...

A lil update

This is me y-day morning before going. :)

Just a lil update.

So yesterday morning we started driving around 10... My uncle took me and dad to the ship. We took the longest ship which was like 3,5 hours and then around 5 we were in Helsinki. A realllly good and sweet friend of my family picked us up, took us to his home and there we ate kebab with french-fries. YUMYUM. Around 8ish they took me to the airport and left me there. And so I went on a plane which was kinda tiny, I could even choose my own seat where-ever I wanted to sit and the flight was about 3,5 hours or smth. Funfun. Vicky and Robert picked me up from the airport and there were 2 other women with me on a backseat. So in Estonian time we arrived around 2.30 AM but around local time around 12.30 am. AND straight to bed it was. And in a morning I woke up around 10 in estonian time, so 8 local time. And had breakfast late and then slept for 2 more hour and now came from a small chapel with the family. We are about 8 people here now but coming more tomorrow and on a weekend coz next week there is a Father´s Heart Teaching Week. But I guess Im gonna have some duties here as well. Just to blend in. :D hihi. Today is more of a freee day with no obligations. Just getting myself comfortable...

Its warm outside, well, no sun, but warm. AND NO SNOW. Hallelujah. I needed that. Got way too tired of snow. :)

Hugs and I will write soon...

Morning

Its 7.15 am and Im getting ready to wake up. Ok Im up, but you know... girls, women. :D And Im tired, but alright. Im going to Finland today. Okok, this is not the goal. But from Finland I will fly to Bala, Wales! YAY! :D So wish me a good trip there and I will let you know tomorrow how it went. Hugs and love,
K

:)

Thats how I packed for my going tomorrow... Wales, I come to you with chocolate and etno-socks. U better love me back! ;)

Tomorrow. Wales. Father´s House Bala! :)

Coz

sometimes we get angry. We are not angry at people but we get angry at devil. We get angry at the spirit of alcoholism, the spirit of eating disorders, the spirit of drugs, the spirit of this fatherless world. I got angry yesterday. God used me strongly and I can say I was surprised at this angre and... the word He gave was not an easy word to say out to the church in Võru. But He gave me an authority to do it. So I did. And I said. And it was good, coz God is good! And again I worshiped my heart out on these 3 meetings there.

Im leaving in 2 days. On Wednesday my plane goes to Bala, WALES. I am excited and a bit scared. A lot scared. I have no idea whats waiting for me. Im there for 10 days and Im just looking to see what Father has for me.
Its good to be home. I have had problems with sleeping for 2 weeks now and Im hoping to get a goodnight sleep tonight.
Sending hugs to all.
And sending my love to all. :)

and ps! Im about to make a delicious carrot cake with some chocolate frosting (I mean after loosing 5 kilos in 2 months I deserve it)... so if u wanna visit me today or tomorrow, give me a call... ;) hihi

Kirsi

Tartu

So this is my last day at work. And kinda the last day in Tartu. I will be back in the end of February for some days and then I have no idea what is going to happen. Will the things in my heart come alive and true and really are going to happen or is something totally different going to be, only God knows it. I really dont know.

If I have learned something then it is to know how to make fire in a fireplace. And I have done it about 10 times now which means Im not that bad. I succeeded.
And if I have learned something then it is to know that sitting is not for me. I am not going to do this kind of job anymore. There is too much sitting and too little doing. I love second hands, BUT GOING to them not being in them for 7 hours in a row waiting the time to move faster and faster.
And if I have learned something then it is to know how much my friends love me and how much I love them. I am going to miss them. I really think that having friends is the only way we humans can survive. They are needed in good times and in bad. And I have not had the best weeks behind me. I have cried more then laughed. It is not a bad thing but somehow my heart has been so much better with knowing I have friends around who share their shoulders and hugs with me.
If I have learned... ok stop.

I love Tartu. I love these people. And I pray that one day God opens another door for me to enter so I can stay here for longer. This 1 months was good. I loved almost every minute of it. I was together with the best women and men of God. I shared, prayed, laughed, cried, ate, walked and talked with them. They are a part of me.

And so this is a new chapter. May God write this one as with all the others from this 23 years of mine. May He lead me and guide me. Coz I am just a daugther. Let me rephrase it: I am A daugther. :) And He is my Father. So He knows so much better then me whats best for ME! :)

Tartu. Bye for me.
I´ll be back.
I promise :)

I need a hug. For forever!

I miss him.
A lot!

Dear England,

How are you doing? Im good, thanks for asking.

So Im writing this letter in order to tell you that it is my 2 last days in Tartu. I am going to leave on Saturday so I have a lot ahead of me. England I am coming to you in a week. I think Im going to fall in love with you and I hope you are going to feel the same for me! ;)

Hugs,

Kirsika

This is what worship is for me. :)