THE thing

I wake up. Take a shower. Eat.
And then it starts.
The inner talk.
What to wear. what to wear. what to wear. and what about make up. I should put make up on otherwise Im ugly. Yes. Im gonna put make up on. Mascara. Yes. And lot of face-powder. Yes, that will cover all the face-faults. All the tiny spots. The red dots. I am gonna put it on a lot. Just in case. And then the red lipstick. Definitely red. Because then all can see that Im pretty. Otherwise Im not pretty. Right? Yes. So with this make-up I feel pretty. Oh and hair. I should put them up. No, I will just leave them down. They are too straight. I want curly hair. I want them to be curly. Why aren´t they curly? Why she has curly hair. And I mean I want my eyelashes to be bigger. Why do they have to be so tiny? It is not nice. I dont like them. And my stomach looks so ugly in this shirt. I have to change the shirt, otherwise I look fat. And those pants. OMG. I think I am tired. I have had the same pants on for 3 weeks now. God. I need new ones. These are getting a bit big on me. Seriously. How come I feel so ugly? Ok, this shirt is better. It is loose so my belly is fine under it. And what to put on top of it? This sweater? No. Too dark. Ahh, this is fine. Finally. And I still think Im not good enough. How come? It took me an hour or two to do this and Im still not good enough?

The inner cry of me. Me as a woman. I.
I am tired of wanting to be someone else.
I want to be me.
Without make up the same worthy as with make up.