Ever since I started working with kids Im like one big softy. Tears in my eyes I hear stories of kids with disabilities or grownups who have problems. Tears in my eyes I write new songs or comfort a friend. Tears in my eyes I receive hugs from my mum (or dad) and tears in my eyes I looked at the pictures of these precious children who died in Connecticut.
Maybe just maybe God is changing my heart. I was always the strong one. Yes, with a lot of emotions in different levels but not the one who cried in the end of a movie or a book (which btw I do now)... Sometimes I feel my heart is just one big mess and confusion but at the same time I know God must enjoy working there coz even when I share my story with people I cry. I cry almost to everything. And maybe its not a bad thing at all... Just maybe Im in a process right now and it does me good. It was one hard weekend but at the same time so good.
"Guard your heart above all else..." The Bible tells us to guard our hearts but what do we do? We put in all kinds of lies and junk there. We fill it with sorrow and revenge and we think that's the way it should be. I want my heart to be soft if thats the only way God can use me. Seriously. Im not talking some crap here. I want to be a softy if thats what takes me closer to God. And let Him work through me - inside-out.
Id rather be someone who cries in front of God than someone who holds back her tears through gritted teeth. Id rather be close to God than far away doing my own thing. I want to be someone who is not ashamed of dancing of joy and shouting out loud... I want to be the real me.