Fear

It paralyses us and it wants to defeat us. It captures us and it tells us lies. Lies so big that sometimes we forget that we are FREE in God. We were meant to be free from the moment Jesus died on that cross and took all our shame, all our pain, all our fear away.
I think back to these vital moments in my life and I see that once I get over the point of fear Im able to do ANYTHING. I got my driving licence, I graduated music school, I lived in Wales, I picked up a guitar. And I must say all these things got me into a place of despair at one point or another.
There was a day I knew I'm never gonna have my driving licence. Just because I was afraid I will fail, that I will suck, that the teacher will just yell at me and that Ill just drive into another car. I saw nightmares when I was a kid that I got into an accident. But here this, in my 6 years of driving almost nothing bad has happened (Im here and heck Im driving, sometimes even enjoying it).
And there was a day or two I knew Im not gonna graduate my school. I knew in my head somewhere that Ill fail those exams coz Im stupid (lie on top of a lie) and that everything will be just one big mess. Well, I DID graduate and with the best marks to top it of.
I always dreamed of living in the UK but somewhere in my heart I was questioning that dream coz everything spoke against it. My knowledge, my value, my insecurities, all nothing but lies. And then I discovered myself there for almost 1,5 years.
And my guitar. Wow. When I was a kid I tried to play piano. I mean I actually even got one for myself, just to practice with and must say I hated it. I sucked and I had no teacher and plaplapla so I kind of gave up this dream of ever playing an instrument. Until last year when I realized I might have a chance. A friend encouraged me to go for it (to pick up a guitar) and I now, 15 months later I know Im far from perfect BUT Im sure closer than Id ever would have dared to dream.
Why this blog? Im just wondering HOW many things in my life are not done because of fear of failure. Why in the whole wide world do I even let fear paralyze me or take over my thoughts when I know my God is bigger than any of that crap. I want Him to rule in my life not some kind of fears and thoughts that Im worth nothing... So Im just writing this to remind myself (and you) HOW big He is. How he comes in when things seem impossible. And just if you haven't heard it yet, even the word impossible says "Im possible"! :)