Watford - Part I

So Ill go back in time and Ill post now what I wrote in Watford. This is part I of the trip that I had! :)
10.03.2012
Wow, Im here, in Watford. I made it. With Daddy.
So yesterday I had the most amazing thing happened to me. Which at first seemed like a crappy start turned out to be a blessing. So Vicki was suppose to pick me up from the flat around 1.30pm and she did which was good and there we are in a car, driving to Ruabon to get me to my first train and suddenly I get this horrible feeling that Ive messed up really bad. I look at my times and jep, there it was, I was suppose to go an hour earlier coz the train was 1.45pm not 2.45 pm. And I just panic. Not like visibly but inside I shrink to the size of a peanut. And I tell V. So there we are at the trainstaion and I have to say that Vicki is the best person to make a mistake with coz she is so calm and reasonable. She calmed me down and looked for some other options. So she decides to drive me to another trainstation (who does that nowadays, just for you?) and while we are driving I know we have only this 50 minutes to get there coz otherwise Ill miss my chance. Suddenly I get this strong voice inside of me asking me a question: "DO YOU TRUST ME?" and I just smile coz I know my Father is with me. Ok, here I have to say that I dont get very often these voices inside of me so strong so I know it must have been GOD.
Vicki pulls to the carpark just at the time train is suppose to leave, I jump out having NO idea where I am and what Im doing (Oh I never mentioned its my first time travelling alone in the Uk, huh) and I run. I run inside and there is this angel pointing a way for me. He lets me through the doors where you are suppose to show your tickets and says RUN. And I do. And I jump on a first train without having no idea if its the right one or not. And I sit there, hands trembling but heart in peace coz somehow I know Im on my way.
So nobody asks me about tickets (which is kind of strange, they should) and I dont know if my other tickets work there and we get to my next station somewhere. I step out and Im like WOW, where the heck am I? Turns out Im in the right place but have no idea whats next. I manage to find out I have 30 minutes til my next train which is just perfect coz then I can look for the platform. Oh wow, all is well I tell myself. And on a train I realize I dont even know if my traintickets which were suppose to be for another train work here and THEY DID. Just perfect.
So finally in Watford I take a taxi to Nathalie´s and she greets me at the door with the biggest and warmest smile ever. Oh how I love that girl. It was all so worth it. I love it here and I love this home. Its a real home. They are so blessed and so full of love towards their people. Mmmm.
And God is good. He was there on my every step just guiding me and showing me the way. And the good that came out of it? Me learning to trust all over again. The question is DO you trust ME? He wants me to give my fears and my failures from the past to Him. Oh wow, this has always been my biggest fear, to miss a bus or a train or to be somewhere having no idea where you really are. And there I was, messed up real bad and yet held in in His arms.
11.03.2012
Yesterday was just awesome. To spend a day with Nathalie is like a fresh wind on a nice summer day when you´re way too hot and need a breeze. We woke up late, she took Simon to the trainstation and then our day started. We talked, ate, walked. She took me to her spa and I had the best massage ever. Later hot chocolate and some little shopping. And then we came back here, cooked, watched a movie... Very easy, very simple. YET so meaningful. Friendships are suppose to be easy, not hard, not dragged. I believe we are called to love everyone but we cannot be friends with everyone. I actually believe that. You can argue with me, you can throw me with stones, but I think I cannot be friends with all types of people.
We are all so different and yet we have these certain people in our lives that we just click with. Its so easy to be with them, even if the talk is not always there, its still good. Like I said, being with them is like a breeze. A nice wind.
And there are people you can try and try and try and you love them, a lot, but you´re not close. And its ok. Coz you dont have to push it. Its something I have started to believe about marriages. I have seen 2 of my closest ones getting married in a weeks time. My sister and Nathalie and I can say that ok, they dont have it all together, but there is somethings so great about their lives, they have put God nr 1 in their lives and though Father its amazing. Marriage is amazing. Seeing Nathalie and Simon together its so beautiful. One is a bit quiet, the other talkative. And thats the beauty of it. She is so in love. He is so in love. I do believe when God is behind a relationship its beautiful. Its not striving, pushing, throwing, screaming, yelling, its not hurting constantly. Its about listening, sharing, accepting, loving. Its about Him. Its about Her. Its not about me me me.
And there is something so important getting things right with God before you step into a relationship. Getting the healing process started. 2 broken people create a broken relationship. And then it becomes a hard work. Yes, work. I have been broken all my life. I have lived with big lies and I have believed so many things about myself that are not true. The last 2 years have been incredable. Hard, yet amazing. I have cried more then ever. And I have smiled more then ever. And I have learned to love myself. My body, my shape, my heart, my smile. I am far from perfect, FAR. I have days I wake up and Im like, who the heck is this? But not so much anymore. I am learning to get to know myself. Through Father´s eyes. See there is a difference. You can try to love yourself from your own strenght or through God. He sees me beautiful. He sees me pure. And worthy. He sees me perfect. He sees me as a Princess. And He sees the same about my friend, my sister, my mother. He sees me without fault. I am His beloved bride. Yes, you may not understand what Im saying here. But look into your heart.
How many times do you look in a mirror and dont like what you see? Not only outside but also inside. You see yourself getting angry, bitter. You see scars from broken heart. You see hate and you see sadness. You see a bony body, a big body. You see a smile that is not beautiful or eyes that are tired. You see small boobs, big boobs. Or you see too little hair. You see all the faults. But try FOR a change to see the things you like. Start with small. Start with your best sides. And one day you´ll be able to say, hey, Im not that bad at all. I had to start with a mustard seed. I had to find something to like. And you know it has not been easy. I still find hard to be in public beaches where you see other bodies. That def look better then yours, am I right?
Anyway. I have gone far from the topic which was friendship. But you know me. I tend to do that. A lot. :) So there you go...