I know

Its springtime.
I know I have said that tons of times that spring in Bala starts in February but it really is and it really starts. And it means the world to me to see that. To be here. To smell it, to photograph it, to memorize it.
Coz it might be my last spring here.
So Im letting out a huge sigh not when I say my next.
Im coming back to Estonia this year.
I cant say when, coz some things need to remain as a knowledge only for me and a few others, but other then that IM COMING BACK HOME. To my Estonia. To my family. And friends. To Ester, to mum and dad, to relatives... I dont want it to be a big deal. I want it to be a next step in my life and I want you to walk with me and pray for me. I need support and I need love. Nobody in their lives needs discouragement. :)
But so the big news is out. I didnt want it to be some sort of secret that Im gonna live it for the rest of my time here. I want to share this with you. :) Coz Im happy. Im living in a springtime, in a wait, in a season of love, in hope and in future.
Sometimes we are just lingering on in a hope that there will be a BIG sign in the heaven - GO. But you know, after I made the decision I finally recieved peace. Only after. And now I know I am doing the right thing. And Ive got the best thing ever to hold on to. My hope. My God. My Jesus. And my Holy Spirit. Oh how I loved the book "The Shack" - I loved how it described Holy Spirit. I sometimes imagine myself walking next to HS, that she is just so colourful, vibrant, seethrough, that she is helping me and giving me warnings, hope, love, sharing and caring. I wish I could actually see her with my heart, hear her more. Give more space to her in my life (ok, now you ask me, why her, why not him, well, why not????).
You know, Im sometimes sooooooo deaf to what He says to me but when I actually listen to my Father I hear. I hear Him guiding me, reassuring me, telling me to stop when needed and go on when safe... I feel His gentle kisses in the wind, I even know that He is with me. yeah. Its not always easy to know. Like when I dont sleep, its like, why am I wide awake all night long, or when Im in pain, where are you God? But He is right here, with me, He is in that place where Im suffering. And He is loving me so deep. So much.
And what Im trying to say is I knew all along I needed to come back at one point. And it will happen. If not soon then this year. I have already the month in my heart and I cant tell you yet. :) So I guess Ill see you soon my beautiful friend.
Love, Kirsi