Me- its all about ME!

So why do I so easily let my heart be troubled by circumstances instead of looking to my Father?
I have been so tired lately, I barely keep my eyes open at work and when I get home I just sleep and sleep and then Im up for a few more hours to go back to bed again... I have been grumpy with people and a bit meanymeany and I feel as though I could do with a break from everything. I am not sad or anything, I am just tired.
And here comes the trixy part. I dont want my circumstances to bring me down or to bring people around me down because of me. I want to trust Him in everything and yet I fail.
Which doesnt mean I am a failure.
Because God is love. And grace and a new beginning.
So here I am saying that I need Him.
I need Him in my good days and also in my bad days. I dont want to be up and down. I want to be constant in Him.
And the thing is I am 100% human. I can be tired and I can feel like ... but that doesnt give me the right to snap at people. It just doesnt. The sad thing is that I always thought I HAVE the right to do that just because they are good friends or family. NO. I have been given a lot of thought to that lately and it is no excuse. I should treat them with respect and with love. Like Father has treated me, Like HE has accepted me fully into His family and heck, He never snaps at me.
So my friend, this is SO not a sad post. Or a "why-did-she-write-this-kind-of-thing-here?" post. This is just me writing down something I have been dealing with. And I tell you it is not the easiest thing in the whole wide world for me to step back and see myself from aside. I tend not to do that when it comes to ME. I try to justify my behavior. But something in my heart is changing and has already changed. Its not about ME. Its never been about me me me me, my needs, ME ME ME! Yes, I am loved and I am His beloved daughter, BUT the love He has given me, I want to give out in return. Even if it takes me a hundred more years to do that I will give my best shot at that. So bare with me, my precious friend, Im on a journey which will last a life-time.

Its already the 4th of April. And I woke up to snow. IN BALA. SNOW?? Did I say I woke up to SNOOOWWW?? Like what? I mean almost non of it has sticked to the ground or anything, but the mountains around the lake are covered with it. So white and beautiful. It is a "bit" wet and Im not very excited about walking in tomorrow morning but at least its fresh air I keep saying to myself...
Oh right. Back into my little book-world. :)
Kirsi