His Love, His Favor

Now that my eyes are opened I can see again.
Yesterday my friend stepped by. Her dad had just died; her dad was 75 years old alcoholic. She had never really known him or told him about God; well she did some little but never fully... She felt guilty and the only thing I knew what to say to her is this: Those who hope in the Lord shall renew their strenght... She took a shower in my place and when she came out I had made her a little card with this scripture. This is what I can do.
Little things that enventually can affect someones day, maybe even life. I can do little things. I am made to help other the ways I can... If its cards then fine; I dont need to make huge presents to make someone happy in their times of sadness and sorrow.
I dont need to be angry to them for seeking my help in my own times of depression or sadness. I help with joy and with love. Coz thats what I am made for. Not to seek my own pleasure but to offer it to others. My friend reminded me this scripture: Love is patient, Love is kind, It is not... and so on. THIS IS LOVE. Not that Love is unpatient, Love is rude, but totally the other way. Love is not self-seeking... it does not boast. Love always gives wanting nothing back. And the thing is that Love ALWAYS gives something back but without us seeking it.
Ive done some stupid things in the last months. Trying so desperately to seek someones attentiong, to seek love, to seek something that only God can give. I am sorry God! I am sorry for pulling away from you because I have been blind. And because of that I got hurt. Well I feel peace now and I know that things are going just the way they have to go.
Im not saying that everything is fine. Nonono... and I will probably make the same mistake again BUT I know that there is always forgiveness. There is always Him waiting us to run after Him, looking for His attention, His favor.
I havent noticed my friends enough. I have been so busy in my own little world. I havent really even been interested whats wrong with others, or how they are doing, good or bad. And when someone has tried to talk to me, Ive been listening but not really taking time to think about it. I guess Ive hurt some people and I dont even know that.
A week ago one of my friends Maria called me. I was surprised. Well she lived with us in Türi for 9 months, she became like a lil sister to me... Now she is living in Tallinn, the "big" city... :) The thing is that I would have never called her. I just dont do things like that. We talked around 1 hour and it just made my day. Thats her way of showing me love. AND I love this way, it is just the way she does it. We all have different things, options, ways, how to show people that we care. And I know my way.
Ooh, during this time of "trying to find his favor and love" I forgot all my life. I didnt study anymore, I didnt think of anything else. Well maybe thats how they call "falling in love" but for me it was kind of destroying my life. I realise now that so often we rush into something that we never even asked from God is it right. We just do it coz it seems right to us. It seems so amazing, and these 3 months were amazing. I loved (almost) every day of it, every minute with him. Now theres friendship and its all good. I have peace coz I know we did the right thing. We started off wrong. I love the thing that there is always a second chance! ;)
Alright. I think this is the time to end. Coz now is the time to go to school.
Labi.
:)