I want my chicken and I want it now!

"I cant do it" "I dont have time" "I am not enough" "I am afraid to try it because I might fail" and so on and so on... Its like a constant battle in my life lately. I visited a friend yesterday whom Ive known way over 20 years now, she is the girl I could go through fire with because she is just someone who one can trust. My first childhood friend and heck, I know we have a long future ahead as well... But anyway, that was not where I wanted to go to with my story. I shared some of my struggles with her and realized that I use those expressions way too much. I am afraid which means I live if fear which means in many areas in my life there is no freedom.
My favorite songs through some years now has been Faithful Father and Freedom. Both songs share some wisdom by which we could live by if we choose to. In Him we can fully trust who knows our future, the One who brings Freedom and wants us to live in Freedom. Which means NO fear, NO worrying, NO judgement and failure... Because when we do fail and feel like we are not enough then there is freedom, you know! Freedom to choose to be who we are.

BUT we use our little sentences like "I cant do it" and "I will fail if I try". Well, maybe the thing is that you actually CANT do it because on your own you dont even have to do it. I mean, I look at my life right now and I see so much potential and I see so much I could do but use those excuses all the time. Like they belong into my heart and there are days I see the truth behind and then there are days I want to run and not do anything because I CANT. Or I hide behind the typical - I dont have time - sentence. Well, we all have 24x7 right?!! Oh boy, I sometimes come home from work and I am tired as a dog. Ok, probably most dogs are not as tired as I am then but anyway... Lets just say Id rather spend all my evening watching TV (that I dont have) then go to church and spent time with people. BUT I choose people because I love people and I love investing myself into their lives. I might not see myself as good and as worthy as I am in the eyes of my Lord but I still can choose to trust that He knows what He is doing through me. Right?

And sometimes we want things to happen fast. Like you know when you were little and got to use computer for the first time (you get it when ure my age or older) and the computer took 10-15 minutes to start up, haha... And you waited patiently because you didnt know computers will start up within seconds in future. You waited. Patiently. And now, if a computer is too full of crap or something, it doesnt start up that fast and you panic because you want it NOW! REALLY? Get a grip. I mean it. We are so used to get everything RIGHT NOW or else we dont want it at all.
Let me give you an example of my own behavior the other day in the store... Oh boy did I get angry or what. So me and my friend we were standing in line to get some chicken (yum) and suddenly they just totally missed our number and called the number after us. What the heck. I mean I was like, HEY its our turn. We want our chicken NOW because it was our turn. And then the lady behind the counter was like, but I cant just take you in between and I walked away angry and then she called us back, that she will give us our chicken and I was already like, I DONT WANT YOUR CHICKEN. And so we walked away and stood somewhere with my friend and we were hungry and so we went back, got a new number and got our chicken (me=humbled and ashamed of my behavior).
But you know what. IT DOESNT have to be like that. I mean why do we so badly want to snap our fingers and expect God to answer our every single prayer within seconds. Maybe His plan is totally different to ours. Maybe He is like, I want THIS THING for you in a different time. Maybe He knows better! Have you thought about that? Maybe He actually knows better then you do. And maybe years later when you get your prayer answer you see that He knew. He never forgot, He just knew better...

Our lives are full of things we could do, should do, would do. Sometimes its our own excuses and lies in our hearts that stop us. Sometimes its not the time yet. And some things are just not meant for us. Make lists if you need to. Start somewhere. I am so writing this post to myself but also to you, my dear beautiful talented wonderful perfect darling great precious friend! I have so many lies in my heart trying to press me down every single day, hour, minute. I am not gonna give up. Even if I want to. So often. Listen to God and friends who want the best for you.
And wait for you chicken, ok? :)