There are days when I really miss Bala. I miss the peace. I miss the mountains. I miss the lake and the roads I used to walk. I know Ill go back there one day. To visit, to remember, to smell, to see. I love how every day I went for walks and found something new to see. And how it was not cold there.
And yet. Living back in memories does nobody good. It just does not change the present. Instead it might want to draw people back into the past and let them dwell there. So often I find myself dwelling in my past. Mistakes I made, or the good stuff that happened. And I stop enjoying the moment. Or I go way ahead into the future, worrying and thinking over.

I think that has happened to me at the moment.
I live in Türi-Alliku. I live together with my parents and Ester and Siimu. And especially on days I dont have to go to work I find myself going back in time. Thinking what was then and how good it was. Not realizing that its RIGHT now that matters. This moment here. My moments. The joy that life can give me if Id allow it to... The beauty of RIGHT NOW. And I forget to breathe. I forget what breathing really means. Coz Im so busy finding faults with everyday life. So busy not seeing. Not hearing. Not listening.
Sometimes Im so mad at dad coz he likes to be awake late into the night time. And he listens music then and walks around and makes some sounds that wont let me sleep. And yet Im jealous of him how he finds his time with God then. Its his quiet time when everybody else is sleeping and he can just be. Breathe.

We all need that time. to breathe. to see. to listen. to know what stirs your heart and to find the moments NOW that... that help you stay close to God. To Him that loves you. Loves me passionately and fiercely.