Who´s that girl?

So you know. This feeling of a change coming. But not realizing that the change comes sooner then you think. Walking past this place about 4-5 times in the last 2 days not daring to walk in. Going back home. Sitting down with your tea. Leaving your tea behind, going out again. Arriving to the place and finally asking when can I come. After her answer that she is available the same evening, freaking out but still going for it. Leaving home 6.50 pm terrified but certain that nothing´s gonna hold you back anymore. So I did it. And I feel wonderful. I feel like a new woman. A woman who is actually turning 25 not 15. It feels amazing. And honestly I didnt tell anyone about this decision and I dont know; there are probably some out there who hate my decision. And its ok. COZ I LOVE IT!!!!!! :)

And I did something else. When I was 17 I had my navel pierced. Yes. It might sound strange that me, Kirsi had a piercing like that. But I somehow had to do it. It gave me a new identity that only I knew about. Of c in a summer-time others saw it as well but I felt that it made me more beautiful (which is not a truth). It was a time of me struggling with eating-disorder. Me trying to find out who I really am. So a week ago or so I just stood in front of a mirror and I took it off and havent put it back. And never gonna. Things are changing in me. I feel it somehow ended something for me. And again - it feels like a huge burden was taken away from me. A burden to melt in with all the "thin" "pretty" girls. I am no beib. I am me, Kirsi. With my faults and stuff. And I am learning to love my body, learning to love me the way I am.