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These are my emotions just about now. I dont know. I actually didnt mess up or anything. And I actually had a pretty good day off, well, that up to until 2 hours ago when something strange happened.
I was sitting quietly in our lounge, watching something and this crazy alarm just starts. With NO reason whatsoever. I had just cooked dinner and there was no smoke, nada, nothing. And I freaked out, seriously. I didnt know what to do, panicked. yay. So there I was, running everywhere, trying to figure out what to do. Then opened our front door, thank God the kebab-boys where there, they came, called the fire-department, so suddenly there were these 2 big fire-cars and like 10 people checking our little apartment. Oh and Robert came as well... And I felt so guilty. I felt guilty yes, but why? Why in the whole wide world did I feel like that when I had done nothing. I tell you why, because thats what we do. We blame ourselves, we let the liar lie to us. And my heart was racing like crazy. Im so thankful that we actually didnt have a fire. I mean seriously... But in a way I WAS like, what did I DO? And the answer is, nothing. It wasnt my fault that it went off. It wasnt. But I believed it was. Somehow in my heart... Ok, I broke something when I tried to reset the system, but that was fixable (a guy came like 30 minutes ago and fixed it).
I know now that I need to have a "how to react when an alarm goes off" teaching session soon. Like next week for sure. In my heart I feel it is not right to leave it like that... so Yes.
But back to the whydidIfeelsoguiltything... The feeling of guilt is never from God. The feeling of shame either. So what do I do now. I tell you, I am letting go. It was so NOT my fault, non of it. And Im thankful instead. Yes. Thankful that no harm was done.

And I actually did have a great day. Had a nice walk, baked a delicious apple-pie-thingy, ate ice cream, cooked curry... did my art-things... So yes. :)
K