Day 64: Mockingbird

Why such a title. Dunno, couldn´t think of anything better, haha!
It is sunny outside. After 2-3 weeks of rain it feels wonderful and refreshing to wake up to sun! I think I already love today! Yesterday was hard on me... I was helping in B&B and suddenly felt Im just gonna fall if I won´t go to bed, so I used my friend´s room and just slept 1+2 hours... I am thankful for this time coz otherwise I wouldn´t have been able to continue. I think I am tired, I think I have worked quite hard and somehow my body is a bit tired. See, I told you for me doing physical work is something new. Yes yes, maybe 1-2 times a week I did a bit of this and that in Estonia as well, but not 5 days a week 8 hours each day. ;)
So here I am, in my heart I´m counting days now. Its 5 more til my parents and Ester are here. Y-day I had a fun Skype-talk with them and ayayayy she is a sweetheart, showed me her tooth that came away (yukyuk) but she is so amazing. She´ll be 6 this year and next year she has a school-road ahead, wow. WOW!!!
Now Im not sure this blog has any point, BUT I know that you haven´t left yet so continue with me...
I´m gonna make me something. I read this amazing book "Redeeming love" (Did I tell you I have read ab 10 books in 60 days, I am a book-a-holic) and I got an idea from there. I´m gonna make me a Daddy´box and if this is ready Im gonna show it to you and explain what it is! Ok? I think you want to have your own Daddy´box after that... :P
So oh oh, its 8:08 and I slept a bit poorly tonight but its ok I guess since I got to rest yesterday during day-time... Did I tell you I have almost paid all my Canada-tickets money back??? :D Yay, God is gracious and I am so thankful. I can´t believe Im actually going and she is actually getting married. Had such a good conversation with V the other day. About girly stuff and wedding and my dress and her dress and shoes etc. I mean I miss her, ok? She is still my lil sister even though she is gonna be 23 in September... She is still my little Vaarika!!! And doesn´t matter that she is taller than me and looks more grownup probably! :D I know I know, I am pretty too but she has this feminine side... VAARIKA if you are reading this know that I LOVE YOU! You are my baby! I know I treated you quite bad sometimes by trying to be your mum but I did it out of love and I felt you needed my protection! haha. Oh well, cannot change the past but we sure can live in the present and live differently in future!
Anyways she has this amazing dress for me, its gonna be just beautiful on me Im sure! I am a woman, what do you expect from me? Of course I am excited to have high heels and a pretty dress, we are aloud to have these feelings!!!!!!!! And if you think you are not aloud to think you are pretty then you are wrong... Remember? All beautiful YOU are my darling and there is no flaw in you! Keep that in mind next time! :) I am only telling this coz I know from my own story something very deep and hurtful. All my life I somehow believed this lie that I am not aloud to think Im pretty. It was written in my heart and I believed it. And suddenly realizing that God thinks Im beautiful made it turn around. I know now that I am amazing, I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Even though I sometimes still doubt that and won´t allow myself to believe it, then deep down I know it now! I dunno if you understood me, but here it is: PSALM 139 read it and memorize it!
Honeyhoneyhoney Im gonna go now. You are deeply and amazingly loved by someone far greater you know! And since my heart has grown then by me as well, heheh! ;)
K

Day 62: Mascara

As I faithfully promised to write if 15 comments have been written then here I am again. THANK YOU, wow, I know now I have a darn good reason to continue my blog! And be welcome to comment more on my last blog if you haven´t yet coz I say sometimes we do things and we dont even know why, now I know that people are actually interested in what I have to say!

But hey, why is this post named mascara? ;) Wink to this one. Let me explain this as I go on... See, we have a Father´s Heart Teaching Week going on right now in our B&B and to be honest I think its my 6th school I have been to. I love being a part of this wonderful team here. I am a part of something bigger then I actually understand probably! But hey, one has to do what one is called to do right? So there I am last night, sitting and listening to the preaching and later on some music while people are being prayed at and just listening what Dad is saying to me... And suddenly all over me comes this feeling of "white". And I just cry. And dad keeps talking to me. And mascara keeps dissapearing while tears wash over my face. Now see my point? I think mascara should be banned from FHS-s... Seriously, whats the point of putting make up on if its being washed away anyway??? I am not going into details what happened, its between me and dad and some things are way too personal to share in this blog even though I would love to. I can just say that Dad loves me and HE LOVES ME IN WHITE!!!!!!!! He has clothed each and everyone into white coz we are new to Him every day!!!! As longs as we keep close to Him He just keeps giving us white clean clothes every day.

So keep on going my friend. Yeah, we make mistakes. Yeah, we fall. Yeah, we get hurt and we hurt others. But you know, He has this white dress for you anyway! He keeps it for you coz He knows you need it! He knows how much you NEED His love! And there is nothing like HIS love! No boy´n´girl can give you this love. Uuuh believe me, been there tried that! And sometimes still looking for this wordly love! I mean yes yes yes, BEING IN LOVE with someone is wonderful but being HIS first is beyond words! Read this again ok? Now do not get offended! :)

My fam is here in a week next Tueseday! Mmmmum, I MISS YOU! And of course I miss the bread you´re gonna bring... ;)

Now, friend, do not forget me ok? I mean, I have been here a little over 2 months already and sometimes I fear that I will be forgotten by my Estonians. But do not forget me ok? I am not sure when I am able to visit you but you are in my little heart. I think it has grown bigger lately (hihih) but yes yes yes, I love you and miss you! :)

K

Day 60: A challenge

Now this is a challenge for you all!! I KNOW YOU are reading my blog coz you are here now right???? :) SO I have a tiny little mission to you! I want you to comment this post because I want to know WHY you are reading my blog!! Take this 3-4 minutes and write to me!! WHY are you here? What draws you back to these posts? I need a tiny bit of knowledge in that area. So please be so kind and do that! It doesnt take a piece of you believe me! ;) It just makes me happy and I know u wanna see me happy (A little manipulator am I sometimes, hehe)! :)
Love, cherrry-winyface-girl.
PS! Im not gonna write a new blog until I have at least 15 why´s ok? So its up to you now! ;)

The date - part II

So here I am again, the 2nd time today! WOW, I got quite a wonderful feedback from 4 people and I must say that I am amazed! Thank you thank you thank you! It shows me that ppl actually read my blog! :) AND that I actually have something to say...
Well, let me just continue a bit. Mhmhm. :) I am sorry if I hurted someone by calling guys jerks. I hope you know what I meant by that. I just wrote it coz I know so many girls and women whose husbands, boyfriends have hurted them. Maybe physically, maybe with words, doesn´t matter. And I find it hard sometimes to forgive. BUT I know that they are also human beings, and deeply and madly loved by GOD!!! And I do not want to insult anyone. So dont take it personally ok? :)
The 2nd thing was about woman not taking the lead. And men being the ones who should pursue a woman. I have seen SO many young girls running after men. I have done it in one way or another. And this is not nice. I am not talking about Cinderella here where her prince comes on a white horse and off they go. Not this kind of pursuing. I am a woman. And I love attention. I love little things. BUT that doesn´t mean that a guy should run off his shoes by trying to please me. Nope. If I love then I also love pursuing him (by showing my affections, with little things). See my point? It is a job for 2. 2in1 if I may say!!!! So dont get me wrong. A man should not do all the job! HAHA, and I am only 24 and giving advice like no other. ;)
And yes, I was engaged and I should be marrying in 3 weeks. But I am not. Sometimes it just won´t work. I am not saying that our feelings were over. No. Feelings got nothing to do with that. And I am not going into details why me and T are not getting married. It is not the time for that. BUT I still want to marry one day. I still want to have kids. And I STILL want to be pursued. Very much. I know my Mr.Darcy is not far. And He is looking for his Elizabeth! I know it. In my heart there is this place where God has been whispering this to me.
BUT being single is not a big problem to me. Why? Because I am still me. I am still someone by being single...
UUUH this text is getting rather long.
:) Just let me know if something bothers you with my sayings and heart. And I will try to answer you. Dont worry, we are all different and it is OK to have our own opinions! ;)
hugs, cherrybabe

Day 59: The date

Now how many of you remember your first real date? :) I do. Because I never really had boyfriends and all this nonsense (haha) until I was 19. And My first real date was when I was 21. Not so long ago... I must say it was something to remember! I was just falling in love with Latvia and then cabummshubumm! This tall handsome guy asked my out. ME??!!!?? I was shocked and nervous and didn´t understand why ME? From all the beautiful girls he chose me to ask out. So I had just bought a new dress which I still have and sometimes I wear it... Anyway he took me to a wonderful restaurant, we ate something delicious. Later on he ordered me a yummy dessert, a cake with ruspberries! And after dinner and a wonderful conversation he asked me to go for a walk over the lake where we fed the swans and just talked... I had these gorgeous golden shoes and he had a black suit and we were just beautiful! :) Something to remember huh?
Well let me tell you this, if you are a woman and reading this, IT IS OK TO DREAM!! Don´t give up coz some weird jerks have hurted you or someone has been bad to you. And don´t give up coz you are 18 and thinking, I haven´t had any date yet. MINE WAS when I was 21!!!! Get that? Don´t you dare think you are not worthy to be looked at! Coz you are! I thought I was no one! But the truth is I have ALWAYS been someone. With a boy and without a boy!
And if you are a man and reading this, then hey??? What´s it takes to be a gentleman? N0w get my words, YOU ARE a prince! Coz you are and dont you dare say otherwise!!!!!! And whats it takes to ask a princess out? I mean stop if you are 15 and thinking that dating is fun and shalallala! But if you are a man and thinking that you are so lonely and blablabla... then start being a man and just do smth about this! I mean sometimes yes, we need to wait... BUT NOT OUR WHOLE LIVES!!! God might not give you a burning bush that says the name of the girl you are gonna marry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He may but also may not!!!
And women??? Sometimes we are way freaking modest thinking that we should just sit in our homes and God just send a man under our windows!!! Nope. I mean dont just wait around and knit in your own corner. Go to places, see people... Well. I hope you dont get me wrong here. It is still a man´s job and opportunity to pursue a woman...! :)
I love this blog already. I think I am right in saying these thing. And hope you got the idea! And believe me there is no such a thing as: I am so old and I will never find anyone!!! COZ THIS IS NOT THE TRUTH here! OOOh and you young people, don´t think that I am 15 and I HAVE to have someone or I´ll die!! Enjoy your single time. It is a good time. NOT a bad one!
:) Hugs from your cherrygirl

Day 56: Prayer

Its been a good day... Slept longer and then cleaned here a bit, had good lunch and did some food shopping. Also jumped into the charity shop and bought new jeans since my old ones broke. Haha, well, the zipper broke so Ive been wearing a bit longer shirts with them. I love our charity shop, I have bought a dress, a bag, jeans, 2 books and trousers and all together 15 pounds or so... Easy shopping whuh? :) Love going to a shop where no item is the same and everything is cheap and the money I give them blesses others! And I feel like someone in Bala is exactly my size and takes stuff there that I love! ;)

But back to my main point of writing this blog. There is this little fellow, Samuel, who was born on Sunday and has been fighting for his life in Tartu. I really care for him somehow in my heart. I have known the mum of this babyboy for many years now and I think she is wonderful. So is her whole family! But yes, so we have been praying many times for this baby boy with Nathalie here and suddenly it struck me, like a light or something it hit me. I dont want to pray if I dont believe what Im praying. I dont want to say empty words without any meaning. And for the first time maybe ever I prayed and I meant every word I said. Every word we prayed over Samuel I meant. I believe he is gonna be healed. And I believe there is gonna be a miracle. I know Daddy will heal him. Coz Daddy is a doctor. A very good doctor. And my Daddy listens me. He hears every word and cry from my heart! Yes He does! And no stupid lies from the devil will take that away from me... So pray like you mean it. Pray and believe what you pray! No empty words will do!!!! Ok? :)

Its been 56 days in Bala. Wow. Already? My mum and dad´n´Ester are coming in 12 days to visit me. Juhhheeei! I love it. I get to see the best parents in the whole world and the sweetest lil sister. I am excited. And just in a few days we are gonna have a Father´s Heart School in Bala B&B! I get to see Taina... and Susi... and some more wonderful ppl. Its gonna be killer 2 weeks ahead! :)

The weather has been crazy. But who wants to hear anything about the weather right? Ill stop here... bye sweethearts. Love u!
Kirsi

Day 53: EMME

Day 51: Purple

Purple - royalty and nobility!
So yesterday on my day off I did a little bit of shopping in Bala. Let me say this - shopping here takes 30 minutes max! And on a good day maybe 31 minutes! ;) But somehow I found myself in a charity shop and was just looking around when they took out some new stuff. And I saw it. A dress, a purple dress! And I knew Im gonna have it. The lady handed it to me and I didnt even try it on. Coz I new I will love it anyway. So I treated myself first time in 2 months. I love it. And its purple. I think you already know my favourite color. I think I was 15 when I started to wear more purple... And now half of my closet is filled with purple and other half with stripes! :D Anyway, somehow in purple I feel beautiful. I feel royal. And noble. And these 2 words have always been the characteristics of purple. So here it is! ;)
Yesterday we had such a wonderful time together with V+R. Since we had a day off they invited us over for dinner. Wow. SO MUCH PIZZA. yumm. YUMMM! But here is the thing. When I was a teenager I was able to eat a HUGE pizza alone. Now I was full with 2 pieces. 2 freaking pieces and I was full??????????? Whats with that? Well there was also a huge amount of salads but still. Maybe its all in my head. Maybe I just can´t eat more. Maybe it has still smth to do with what I went through some years ago... maybe its just one way to keep my figure. In my head at least. So here I am, its 7.35 am and Im about to have breakfast. I am a bit of freak but what can you do. At least I am a good freak! :D
Dear ones, enjoy your weekend ok? :)

Day 50: ...

I think it´s time for a blog. I haven´t written a while coz I have been tired as... well, I dont know what. But I´ve been tired, very tired. tirrrred. Its been a lot of work in B&B and when I get home I just want to sit down or lay down and sleep. My legs are on fire from all the working and walking Im doing every day. Let me describe you my yesterday, maybe you´ll understand (and this wasn´t as hard as usually even).
Went to work by 10am. Walked 30 minutes (like every morning) very fast coz we were a bit late with Nathalie. Cleaned after breakfast, washed tons of dishes. Hoovered breakfast room. Deep-cleaned 2 rooms (hoovered, changed bedding etc.), refreshed 3 rooms and helped Nathalie with 1 room (we have all together 7 rooms). Then baked 2 cakes. Somewhere in the middle had lunch. Then continued cleaning. Ooh of course towels, folding and stuff. Had a firedrill or smth like that.
Ooh memory, please dont get lost here... I can´t remember. Anyway it went on and on. And at 6pm started walking back home. So see, my legs are a bit tired. Yes! :)
One thing you have to understand. I am not used to physical work. Yes, I have done some work like that before, once a week went to deep-clean a house in Tartu. And 3 times a week cleaned 7 hours all together in a Bibleschool in Denmark. BUT this is different, 40 hours a week. So I hope you understand me.
Btw, I have had a long birthday this time. I recieved 7 or so letters+gifts+cards yesterday via post. I was so surprised and felt love all over. I love you my dear angels from Estonia. You are in my heart and you are my sweeties. I miss you. Wow, and that you even did all this for me! Just to make me happy... :)
Alright. Im gonna enjoy a little breakfast now and then start reading a book or go back to bed since its way too early in the morning to do anything. :)
Kirsu

Day 46: A lil glympse

My day was wonderful. Im gonna give you a little glympse into my day! You have to come with me on this journey coz then you see what I mean! :) (Not to mention Friday night with my flat-mates which was just wonderful, a lot of potatosalad, cake, karaoke, FUN, laughing...)
Saturday:
5.am - My eyes are wide open coz all the sleep is gone. So I toss around my bed and finally get up at 6.am coz whats the point of sleeping if you´re not sleeping! Make myself a cup of tea and take my book (Redeeming love by Francine Rivers, ps! you HAVE to read it!!!) and sit on the launch. Suddenly I notice this amazing view outside and take a couple of photos...
7.00.am - Nathalie comes down the stairs and half an hour later we both sit at the breakfast table eating cookie-cake I made the other day and just having a good conversation.
9.45.am - N has gone to work and me´n´Rui Chi take off to go to Bala. We get there and everybody are so happy for me! A lot of hugs, kisses, some gifts.
10.30.am - It´s time to go. We (me, Paul+Rosie-my mum and dad here) take off to go to the beach and ice cream. So we start driving. And an 1,5 hours later we´re there. The beach is wonderful. Big, sandy, quite windy (ok, very very windy), white, blue, rocky. Perfect! :) I am enjoying myself taking tons of pictures and just having my bare feet in the sea!
1.pm - Lunch time. We find this sweet little cafe on the shore and just sit there eating and having fun!
2.pm - We´re someplace unknown. I have no idea where we are but it is beautiful. River, huge mountains, the view is just spectacular! :) After walking around a bit we go to this place where they serve 30 diff kinds of ice cream. (I must admit I was a bit dissapointed with that place but oh well not everything has to be p-erfect right?).
4.30.pm - Back in Bala, B&B! We walk in and everything seems to be alright. I know something is going on by the looks of their faces! I am right as always (HAHAHAHAH). Suddenly everybody is invited to R+V´s kitchen. A surprise! :) Lovely table laid with tons of cake and stuff. I can´t eat a lot but I am doing my best! (And the cakes were amazing)!!!!
7.pm - I am back here, sitting behind my desk looking through b-day wishes! Amazing writings on my FB wall, letters, sms-s... I cry and I am just thankful. Reading through all these good words make my heart jump and race at the same time. Beautiful words. Beautiful people all around me loving me so much! I AM LOVED. And I am a beloved daughter for sure! I know it! And a princess indeed! :) After that I have a bit of time with my book again!
9.pm - Rui Chi prayes over me and I just cry. A lot. I won´t say why this time!
11.pm - Bed!

MY DAY WAS FULL OF WONDERS, SURPRISES, BLESSINGS, ENCOURAGING WORDS. My day was full of YOU, my friend! I love you and I can´t be more thankful! :)
Kirsi

Day 45: Tears

Tears of joy are running down my cheeks... Read an amazing letter from my sister. She loves me she loves me she loves me so! :) Happy 24 Princess Cherry from Estonia!

Day 44: Eesti

Istusin just hommikusöögi laua taga ja söin kartulisalatit! Oi, küll oli hea.
Aga siis hakkasid igasugused mõtted pähe voolama: "Eesti, Eesti, kodu... kodu... mmm. kodu. see hapukoor pole ikka õige maitsega. rohkem soola oleks vaja. kodu. kodu. emme-issi. kodu. mmh, imelik hapukoor. aga päris hea. peaks midagi magusat ka sööma..."
Selline hommik siis. Õhtul peame tüdrukutega pidu. Minu pidu. :) Kartulisalat on valmis, Rui-Chi teeb kana ja ostab koogi ja N ostab veini! :) Siis võibolla väike karaoke, tants. Raudselt on nalja jälle ülevoolavalt, eile olime kaks korda pikali maas, sest kõhulihased valutasid naermisest. Ja laupäeval viivad Paul ja Rosie mind randa ja jäätisekohvikusse ja vbl kuskile veel! :) Palju õnne Kirss, sa saad 24. Päris hull? :D
Sa kindlasti praegu mõtled, et miks ta nüüd järsku eesti keeles kirjutab!!??!! Ma lihtsalt tahtsin vahelduseks oma armsas keeles blogida! :)
tsautsau

Day 42: Make up

Make up make up make up. I know I have had quite a few blogs about that topic but here is another one. Just to give you a little glympse whats been going on...

So I came here 42 days ago totally addicted to make up. I mean since we broke up with Timo I was having make up on every day just to feel pretty enough. Just to be someone. How can I explain it... I havent been with someone for 4 months now and I just needed this comfort. Even here in Bala, I mean, I work in a B&B and I was putting on make up every morning the first few weeks. But also I have had a lot of conversations with Rui Chi and N about it. Because they are assuring me I dont need make up to be pretty (like Rui Chi said she feels like she is living together with Angelina Jolie). And so for a week now I have had less and less mascara and face powder and today had non. And I actually felt good about myself. I felt pretty. AND I still feel! So here I am. Sitting on a couch writing this blog and thinking that why on earth we women spend so much time, so much money, and so much tears because we dont feel pretty. We dont feel worthy.

Ok and dont get me wrong now. I am not saying that make up is from devil and bad! :D nooo, a little make up is good and ok. But dont do it because you think you´re nothing without it coz you ARE EVERYTHING without it! God has made you to be everything! :) bbbbelieve it and recieve it! You are lovable! And I love you! :) You´re beautiful just the way you are! ;)

Day 41: Let it go...

Let it go, let it go, let it go... My heart is pounding like 10 times faster right now. And I hear Him whispering to me: let it go girl, let it go... as tears fall down from my face. And it hurts. It hurts like hell... Let it go, let it go. Its alright.
4 months.

Day 40: I really...

...really really really really very much like cards! Thats a clue to all my friends now! :D Oh and another clue, this my my BIRTHDAAAY WEEEEEK! :D Oooh you want another clue? Here it is:
Kirsika Maamägi
Glan´y´Gro
Bala, Gwynedd
LL23 7BT, Wales!!!!!!!!!!! :)

Day 39: Jesus

Today is a wonderful Day! :) My Jesus is alive! My God-Jesus-Holy Spirit, I am thankful for YOU for YOU have risen and I can live now in fullness of Your LOVE and guidance! For YOU guide me night and day and YOU are with me 24x7. I might feel You far away BUT You´re closer then my skin!!!!! THANK YOU! :)
Its about 7 am and I couldnt sleep tonight. Ppl were partying last night on the streets, screaming and acting stupid. Im serious. We live on a high street and my room is connected to the out-door so basically on the weekends its very hard to rest. But I guess Im fine. There is nothing we can do about it. I have earplugs now so that helps a bit at least. Well, they get lost in the middle of the night usually... :D
So today. Yes, today Im working in B&B and then its been 5 days in a row. It´s been a busy period now since its Easter and ppl are on their holidays BIG TIME. A lot of things need to be doing and its not a bad thing. And Ive got some great news as well. My mum´n´dad´n´Ester will be here from 24-31.of MAY! :) Hallelujah, I am so happy! Of course I would like Maria and Vaarika to be here with me as well but they are quite far... And Vivia and some more ppl should come here as well! :) WE WOULD PARTY BIG TIME THEN! And to know that I will see my V in Canada makes me smile inside. I miss my little sis. Ok she is not so little anymore in her age but she will always be my little sister with Ester!
Alright. I dont know, there is not many news I could share with you now. The biggest one is in the beginning of this blog and so I think I will close here.
Sending bigbig kisses and hugs to those who can take them! :D haha Im being weird again so I´ll stop! :)
K

Day 35: Happy Dance

There is nothing like a little happy dance early in the morning to DADDY!
I woke up 6.30 am (well, 7,5 hours is quite enough of sleep for me if you know me) and then just waited until everybody else had gone to work and then put ihop JOY on and... whoah I DANCED and screamed and I must admit there is FREEDOM IN THIS! You gotta try it! At 7:40 am put smth joyful on and just dance your heart out! Do it, He is gonna love it and you´re gonna love it! :)
So today Im going to work a bit later. I am still in my pajamas and soon Im gonna take a short shower. Had a good breakfast (mmm, I found smth amazing from the stores here and Im gonna keep buying it now, well Im not gonna tell u what it is though) and am enjoying being alone here now. I have the same CD still on and... uuuuh "Ain´t no party like a Holy Ghost Party coz the Holy Ghost Party won´t stop!!!!!"
I guess I´ll see how today turns up but I believe its gonna be wonderful. I mean first Im gonna walk to B&B since everyone is already there, but its fine coz its absolutely breath-taking outside, so warm and beautiful...
I had a weird incident yesterday. I felt threatened for the first time while being in Bala! Well, I took a walk outside in the evening when suddenly this guy turns up all drunk and weird and comes to me and starts talking to me and is kinda pushy and Im like, I dont wanna talk and then I walked away. I was a bit afraid he is gonna follow me but he went his way. whjuuu. Seriously, there is like 1000 ppl in Bala, how could that even happen?????
Then later Rui Chi had bought chocolate-cake and of course we had tea and girly-time. Laughed so hard on the boob-talk and beauty-talk... and some other talks... :D hahahaha, not gonna go into details! :) Oh dont worry, Prince Harry is out of our talks now!
So 10 days to my b-day! 24 here you come, tatatatatataaa! :)
Bye Im gonna get ready now!
HUGS, K

Day 34: Little big things

(Got a letter from Elana today, then bought myself smth nice yesterday for the first time here, a bracelet and then of course my flight-info)!!! :)

Things that matter. There are many things that matter but right now there are two in my heart: my planetickets to CANADA! YES, I´VE GOT THEM! 9.10-23.10.2011 Vaarika & Chris, Im coming to meet you and u better be prepared coz I need to get to know the guy my baby-sis wants to marry! :) Ok? Deal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And the second thing right now is that Im gonna be older again. I must say Im a bit afraid. 24 is not a small number anymore, its quite big and that means at one point Ive gotta think about whats next, right? NO! I don´t, hahahahaha, coz Daddy is right here with me and wants me to enjoy this time, right now, not to worry about tomorrow! :)

Day 33: Prince Harry

Duh, I think Im getting a bit weird. I mean, the last post was about Irish men and now I have a title called "Prince Harry"???? Seriously, I guess I just need attiontion, right? :)

But yes yes, we had some fun with the girls yesterday, just looking at princes and princesses from Google, it was fun. And then we agreed with N that Prince Harry is quite handsome, don´t you agree? :) So I thought later that night that what if I´d color my hair red and just meet him somewhere, you know? Then maybe Princess Cherry from Estonia would be for real, if you know what I mean... Ok, I am kidding.

My heart. My heart is doing rather strange lately. It´s been up and down. I have shed quite a lot of tears here and I am questioning some things. I am still hurting in that certain area and you all know what I mean. I made some decisions some time ago and I have kept my promises. I have talked to my dad about it and he agrees with me. I think I have got the BEST PARENTS in the whole world anyway and just talking to them calms me down big time. I love love love them. Just 2 days ago I cried my heart out talking over Skype to dad. And I do miss them. Oh and I am sure happy to know that they might come here in the end of May. And maybe they will take Ester with them which makes it all double exciting!

And my local mum and dad have been away for 8 days now and tomorrow I´ll see them and that makes me smile. I missed them. To have no dad or mom around is hard sometimes you know...

Today is my day off. Its 9.16 am. I took a long shower, shaved my legs (hahah, that u all wanted to know, right?), plucked my eyebrowns and am ready for today now. I am the only one up now so it is my time. I have answered maybe to 10 letters or so and now Im writing this blog. Hope it makes you think about me. :) I miss you. You know who you are because if you miss me too then it is YOU! :)

And please do now forget me on my birthday on the 30th of April. I mean for someone to be far from her friends it means the world to know that ppl far away miss her and think about her, ok? :)

Day 31: Wine and Irish men

uuuh, I have started to like white wine here. How weird is that? In Estonia I couldn´t stand the taste of wine, neither red or white... and here we have had wine 2 times this week already and I love it. With some chicken and vegetables it is wonderful. And for dessert some strawberries... Perfect combination I must say! And with the perfect company it all just tastes delicios! :) uuh and how can I forget Michael Bublé. He was our wonderful companion, such a wonderful music... ullala, little dance and let the party start!

Well and about Irish men. Im in love with the way they spell letter "R". And the way Irish men sing... uuh beibi, takes my legs away. And the way they talk... Not that we have had any over here, but I mean I´ve been watchin a couple of movies with ppl from Ireland in it and I lovelove love it! One day Im gonna go to Ireland, maybe fall in love with an Irish lad and just settle in there. HAHAH, just kidding, don´t worry! (ok, maybe not... :D )!!!! :)

Its Saturday and in 2 weeks from today Im gonna be 24 years old. 24 YEARS OLD! 30.April is a beautiful day. I believe Im gonna have some fun here and I can´t wait! :) Send me letters and cards, I wouldn´t mind and if you know me a bit, you know how much I LOVE CARDS! :) Your cherrybeibi

Day 29: 4 weeks

I´ve been here 4 weeks now. WHUU beibi. :) http://www.purevolume.com/kirsika/albums So my music is still there, I counted, I have all together 7 songs up, so whenever u feel like listening something from me, go ahead, its all downloadable and just feel free to let God talk to you through these songs. :) Lovelove love u

Day 28: Hungry

I didnt know how to name this blog and since Im really hungry now and in a need of food then I just named it "hungry", haha... I have a day off and Im in B&B blogging and Fb-ing... Well and I had a good long talk with my mum on Skype... And Im totally experimenting with my blog so sry about that if it changes all the time, I just get bored with one layout so I change it a lot. :) Im gonna go and get food now. But yes, its been 4 weeks in Bala, Wales now and Im still in love, I love this place and people and I know Dad has a plan with all of this for me. Just for me! :) Hugshugs hugs, your Kirsi!

Day 26: Fight

This blog is about fighting. I am fighting. And I am tired in a way. And thats why I want to give this fight over to Daddy coz I can´t anymore. It is about eating. And about myself. The way I see myself. See, I have told you that years ago I had anorexia, an eating disorder that wanted to kill me and almost did. And now 5 years later, I am still occationally in the battle. Because the thoughts want to come back and take away the joy that I recieved after coming out of this crap. See, all of us have been through something. Maybe smoking, maybe alcoholism, maybe drugs, maybe someone died you reallyreally loved... And sometimes it all just wants to come back. The thing is that I am working hard here, it is a lot of physical work that I do daily and because of that my body wants more food, energy. And I have been eating a lot more here than in Estonia coz there was NO physical work in my daily life. And you have no idea how bad it is in my mind. Constant fight, what if!!! What if I gain now, what if I eat too much, what if.... and what if... It is not ok. IT IS NOT OK I tell you! If you go through something like that, then know that YOUR Daddy wants to hold you! He wants to hold you so close to HIM and whisper things like: I love you, I wont let go, I will fight for you, I will be on YOUR side! Trust the truth, trust HIM, ok? Promise me, that you will trust the truth instead of lies! The lies are just devils way of getting you down! DON´T LET HIM!!!!! I love you dearly, my sweet boy and girl, this is what YOUR Daddy says to you right now, so trust that! MANY MANY hugs from me to you today. Be childlike, go run and play with Him today, ok?! :)

Day 24: I know I know...

...that some of you probably hate me for making that face all over again, but hey, thats me, and if you dont like it then dont watch it ok? ;) Somehow I like doing that thing with my lips, it makes me feel good, maybe attractive, a bit sexy (too honest, well, bear with me)? :D I dunno, but I like it. And I feel Im pretty then. Ok, I have started to believe that anyway already, but who says I can´t do that? So I am... Its day 24 today. Ive got 21 days-3 weeks to my birthday and Im turning 24 and its a bit scary I must say, but Im gonna survive it. Its gonna be so different, no Estonian family or friends around and Im gonna miss you all, but Im gonna love it here. Paul-Rosie promised to take me out to this wonderful ice-cream restaurant or smth and since I LOVE ice-cream I can´t think of a better present! :) Oh well, gotta get ready for work soon since I had 2 days off. And these 2 days were beautiful, I could not ask for a better weather then this. +18 or smth and the feeling of sun kissing you all over. whooah, nothing better. And I got a lot of time to read Pride & Prejudice, I tell you this book is good, but hard literature. It is so complicated occationally that Im puzzled very often... Byebyebye. See you soon! Come visit me, ok? :)

Kaugele

http://www.purevolume.com/kirsika/albums/Vootele+%26+Kirss+-+Kaugele So when we recorded that song with Vootele and some other musicians, it was in the end of our school or something. It was written by Vootele and anyway, well, it is about my sis Vaarika who left Estonia and now lives in Canada. :) I just found it in my comp and wanted to share this with you! :) Enjoy... Translated into English KAUGELE means "To far away"

Day 22: Conversation

I had the most interesting day yesterday. HAHA, I went to the sheep and suddenly they all ran to me (I stood behind the fence) and started paa-ing, it was crazy, the big one the small one. They wanted food I guess... Anyway, it was kinda strange and cool! SO I paa-d back to them. Well I guess only I can be so weird to do that! ;) Then later I hoovered the kitchen floor and of course Paul´s shoelace got inside the machine, so he had to buy new ones. Ooh and I made a banana-cake again. And cleaned way too much but oh well, bother! :D Oh and enventually I was so tired that we took tons of weird funny pictures with Dave and laughed until we could laugh no more! I have a day off today and I love it. We´re gonna go to a cafe with Nathalie (my flat-mate) and Dave (Paul+Rosie´s son) and we´re gonna have FUN!

Day 20: Rain

Well, its been raining. A lot. And sometimes there are these few moments when it´s not raining. And its windy, very windy. Like so windy, that it might get your balance out of balance if you know what I mean. And the view to our lake hasnt been the best. And Im kinda off-balanced as well. I wake up one day and feel this terrible emptyness inside of me... Have you ever as a kid played this game with flower-petals: He loves me-He loves me not, or she loves me-she loves me not. Anyway thats how we Christians are so often. God loves me, He loves me not. One day I get a promotion, HE LOVES ME. The other day my dog dies, HE LOVES ME NOT. Do you get my point? But see here is the thing, GOD does not know how to love us NOT! His love is constant, not like weather, not like anything else. It is so constant, that it goes on forever and ever and ever. And it was never His intention for us to be far from Him. Remember, in the Old Testament people feared Him, He was somewhere far... No no, it was not His intention. Do you get me? He created Adam and Eve for a relationship, for a wonderful relationship and when that was broken, fear got into people. Fear took over Adam so He didnt know His love for sure anymore... And so the game goes on nowadays, he loves me-he loves me not. Don´t be that. Don´t do that. Take that knowledge in your heart that YOUR DADDY LOVES YOU! Ok? :) He loves YOU! :) And so today when Im gonna continue my day, Im gonna decide. Im making a decision now, Im not gonna play that game. Because He loves me and I need His constant whispers in my heart. :) Daddy!

How are you? How is your heart? My dear friend! I miss you! We had a bonfire with my new friends here the other day and it was wonderful. The smell of smoke, marshmellows which were kinda burnt, and just being with a family, my family. Coz I realized this is not my new family or a replacement family or smth like that. No, this is my family. This is what Jesus was talking about. My brothers and sisters, my mother and father. My family is all over the world. And so it continues! :) I love you so very dearly and let me know how are you doing! I finally got to sleep last night. No screaming, shouting, no drunk people, no hitting the wall, or no furniture removing... Good sleep, 8,5-9 hours! :) Yeah beibi!

Anyway I´ll finish with a sentence that Rui Chi said to me and Nathalie yesterday (both my flat-mates): "You are both always so beautiful. I feel like Im living together with Angelina Jolie and Uma Thurman!" Whoah, this was a good compliment! Hugs, YOUR CHERRYBABE :)

Bo´s Cafe

This is a must read! I read it today (I couldn´t put it away until I had read the last sentence)... Im just shocked, amazed. I cried my eyes out today while reading it. So overwhelmed with Daddy´s love.

So please, if you get a hold of that book, READ IT!

Day 17: Freedom

Its my 2nd day off and Im really hoping the sun to come out today. It was rainy and ugly yesterday. So Daddy, please make this day beautiful for me! :) Thanks... Yes, so yesterday, I had a break-down. I had to cry out to God and after that had a talk with my mum and dad here (Paul-Rosie) and another cry. It was so comforting hearing what they said about me doing the right thing. They do love me, a lot, and care about me as their own daugther. Whoah! :) This is amazing. I have a family.

Also we celebrated Paul´s birthday. By 6pm Nathalie and Simon had arrived (N is gonna work here and Simon is her boyfriend) and so we sat down to eat wonderful food and just enjoyed ourselves! Good times together... And I have been able to sleep finally for 2 nights, about 8-9 hours each night. Thats wonderful and I feel like I can continue again. I didnt want this to continue...

Ps! My films arrived and also my Vodaphone-card which means I can actually use a phone here now if needed, great! ;)

Im slowly but firlmy putting money aside for my beautiful sister´s wedding which is gonna be wonderful and Im already so excited for her! WOW. I cant wait to actually book the tickets and know for sure, that Im going... :) Hallelujah!

Anyway... Im doing good. I have had some bad healthproblems, strong headaches and stomach pain... But I know all of this will pass and I continue trusting God in this! :) You should try it, I mean that He has everything under control, that He knows and thats all that matters! :)

Sending you my hugs and love, ps! It´s my month! And its gonna be wonderful! :) Ooh and that picture of a book cover... whoah, "Where my heart belongs" is amazing! And the Pride and Prejudice I got for 1 pound... :P

Day 15: Storm

Its crazy outside, you should see it... whuu, I had to walk in today, 30 minutes with this weather took my legs away, seriously, I HAD to hold them on the ground, thank God I had heavy boots! :D

So you want my address? Here you go:

Kirsika Maamagi

Glan y Gro, Bala

Gwynedd

LL23 7BT, WALES

Day 14: I carry it in my heart...

I have learned quite a lot of new stuff today. Lets start: baked a banana cake, made bread crumbs (for stuffings I guess), did a room alone (cleaned, changed etc), cooked a lot of pancakes (believe me, its very different here)... Maybe there was smth else but I cant remember.

Not new things: went to post office to send some letters to Estonia, food shopping for Bala, cleaned the whole kitchen after breakfast, cleaned the other kitchen after lunch, made 2 huge turkey/sandwitches... And now Im done finally, whuuuu. :)

I ordered 3 new DVD-s from Amazon (its somehow very cheap here and no post-fees), "Lars and the Real Girl", BBC "Pride and Prejudice" and "PS! I love You!" so its gonna be a movie-time soon... I have been watching a lot of stuff here, yesterday we had "In her shoes" and the day before that "Enchanted" and... so on. :) Whuu I cried quite a lot after hearing the best poem ever... By E. E. Cummings "I carry your heart with me. I carry it in my heart..."

Well, anyway. I mean, its my birthday exactly in a month, so dont you dare to forget me, deal?!! :) hugslovekisses, K

Day 12: Chinese food and 6.am

I woke up at 6am today in order to be ready to leave at 7.20 am. Whuwhu. Love these mornings when I haven´t slept almost all night because of stomach pain or someone´s parties! Anyway. Its been a very hard day. Actually I have had stomach pain since Saturday and... It just doesnt want to leave... Today it spreaded all over my body and I had to take an 1,5 hours nap in between...

Im better now.

We´re gonna have a Chinese food birthday party today for Rosie in 10 minutes or so! :) Rui-Chi is cooking, yumyumyumm! :) Hallelujah, I love birthdays here, so amazing food!

Anyway. I hope all is doing good. I am physically a bit tired. I guess Im not so used to do physical work that much. But its all going better and Im going to be better! I love this place. I love Bala people, everybody´s greets you on street and... I am just in love with God. Yes I am! :) I love His way of telling me He loves me. Through people, through nature, through songs, through letters! :D Yes, I do write to Him! My way of talking to Daddy! :)

And today I really miss my mum and dad. A lot!

PS! I watched 6 hours of BBC Pride and Prejudice on a weekend. AMAZING!

Day10: Day of Rest

Hey beautiful women and handsome men...

I have a day of rest, and also tomorrow. I mean I have 2 days off, but guess what? Im here, in B&B coz its the only place I can use internet. Its 11:55 am or smth here and Im kinda thinking I want to watch a movie today. Maybe Pride and Prejudice? The longer version which is like 6 hours, I think I won´t end it today but I might give it a start anyway... And I need to do a little shopping! :) Food needed in the appartment! Tomorrow I might go to a church with Rui Chi and have a real Sunday! :D haha, just to give it the try. So we´ll see how that goes. And then maybe have a lunch out somewhere.

Its weird to have a day off, not working or anyhing, just being. Oh and I actually slept 9,5 hours tonight, wow, thats a bigbig thing for me!

I have a secret that I cant yet tell, but I think I might have some of my music on a CD in a near future. If that´s in God´s plans then it will happen anyway, right? ;)

hugs, Kirsi

Day8: Facebook

Well. Im back on Facebook. After 7 days. I posted some cool photos there so GO and check them out. It was amazing time without that place. I had so much free time and... anyway.

Im wearing a dress today and I feel beautiful! :) Even though my tummy hurts a bit Im doing good. It is another beautiful day outside and soon Im gonna take a walk again with Susi! :)

Btw, I have a new name now: "Princess Cherry from Estonia! ;)

Day6: cherry-baby

Its around 10.53 am here and its beautiful outside.

So Ive been in the kitchen since 8am today... Around 10 I helped Susi with worship in the chapel and it was amazing again. :) Whooah...

PS! Well, when Robert and Paul came to kitchen in the morning to say hi to me, instead, they started to sing this "cherry-baby" song and I just loved it. They are like papa´s to me! :)

I hope you all got my hugs and greetings and I DO LOVE YOU and miss you very much! I haven´t forgotten any of you, dont worry, ok?! :)

Ooh, I dont know if I mentioned, but it´s a Father´s Heart Holiday week in here, and about 15 guests, so a lot of food making for them every day! But its ok, not so bad at all! ;)

Yesterday I had a long walk with Susi (she is amazing), the worship-leader in this school and ooh again again I just loved the view. I have taken tons of pictures of lambs and nature and so few of people... Oh well, what can I say! :D

Im gonna finish, coz I find it a bit hard to write right now. So bye and... its a day 6 without FB as well! ;)

This is the "sending HUGS" moment. So here it comes: Mum, dad, Ester, Vaarika, Maria, Merku, Raki, Gerlika, Tuuli, Vivia, Liina, Elana+Mihkel, Andrea, Chris-Lydia, Mr.Morrisson, the snowman, Laura, Pille-Riin, Tess, Vootele, Merili, Kristi Saarelt, Liisi, Tim, Taina, Katja, Andrus-Helen, Jenny, Meelike, Benjamin!!

So if you got the hugs and greetings, PLEASE let me know here, ok?!!!!!!!!!!!

Ps! Sry if I didnt name you, please recieve a hug from me also! :)

Day4: Tea-party

First Im gonna answer some questions that some of you probably have about me and Wales!

1. Why do I write blogs so early? Well, because Im an early bird. I wake up around 6 or 7 every morning and there is also this time-difference between UK and Estonia, so if its 6am here then its 8am in Est and Im still in Estonian time, believe me! :)

2. What am I really doing here, in Wales? I guess I havent properly explained it yet! Well, I am not studying and I am not working as a normal worker! I am a volunteer in this place called Fathers House Bala. Its a beautiful Bed&Breakfast in Bala, Wales. I get a pocket-money every week which is bigger then Estonian minimum and I work full-days. But I also rest a lot. I serve breakfast to the guests here, then Im part of a team when there are Father Heart Weeks or Schools, I do beds, clean the rooms (there are 7 rooms) and I also recover and heal from my own stuff. I can rest and I can work. I mean it is not an option not to work, BUT I love working here somehow. F.e. yesterday I was outside picking wood and branches in the forest for 2 hours. It was hard but I loved it. Can´t explain. And I am falling in love every day. With the nature God has made just for ME! :)
I just found this page about Bala: http://www.balawales.com/

3. Was is a run-away from Estonia? Yes and no. I mean I wanted to get away. Believe me, after 6-7 months at home, doing nothing and just waiting, waiting, can get you a bit tired and bored. And so I needed to come. And the break-up was not an easy decision for me (and T). No. So I had an open door. And no door in my life has evernever been so open before so I believe it was from God!

4. Why do I write my blog in English? Well, there is a good reason for that. SO many of my readers are from other countries and I really want them to understand. + I can totally practise my written language that way. And I do love Estonian, very very much and I wish everyone would understand my beautiful language.

5. Am I gonna continue my blog? YESYESYES. I have gotten so many encouraging letters the last 2 months so I am gonna continue. Even if it would be for 2-3 people, I would do it for them! If Im honest then ppl will be honest. I believe there is a time for freedom and that time is NOW. There is a time for honesty and that time is NOW! So bare with me in my nakedness and I promise, something in you wants to be naked and honest as well! :)

6. Why am I fasting from FB? Well, I have my reasons but one of them is this. I got too much addicted. I mean, can one be addicted with alcohol? Yes. Can one be addicted with smoking? Yes. What about eating? Yes... And what about Internet? YES! I spent so much time there, I think 3-4 hours every day and it got worse when we broke up with T. I just needed this attention and constant compliments and so on and so on. I lived on those. So I decided to do something about this, well, the inside of me was actually screaming, take a pause, take a pause. Take a break and fast from it. And to be totally honest Im not sure anymore how long should I do it. Something inside says its gonna be a longer break. I mean, Im gonna check my letters there soon, but the break is gonna continue. Its my 4th day now so...

So the questions are answered. Today Im gonna move to the flat finally. Living here, in the attic has been fun, but its not my home yet. So Im gonna make my room my home, my place of rest. Im not sure which room I want yet but I´ll see and when I have decided I´ll post pictures of that. We are also gonna have like 15 ppl coming today. Whuuu, thats a lot. But anyway yeah, a looot of cooking and cleaning ahead.
And yesteday we had the sweetest tea-birthday-party for Vicki´s and Robert´s daughter Sarah who turns 28 or smth... I´ll put some pictures here as well! :) It was so delicios and sweet. And we´re gonna have 3 birthdays coming soon, so there´ll be plenty of parties! :D

Bye and have a beautiful SUN DAY! (ps! In Estonian it´s a Holy Day!)

Day3: The King´s Speech

I was moved yesterday while I watched the best movie I have seen in a while. I was surprised and amazed and wow, can this be real. The way this movie was built up, whooah. I totally suggest you to go and see it or rent it or smth... And I was in the Cinema where they still use the old style. I mean they had to change something during the film, so it was a little pause and then we continued. I dont know the right words but yeah, they definitely didnt use a nowadays projector and a dvd player... :D And the place was oooold but a very great experience indeed. I think Im gonna visit that place a bit more in the future.

I wanted to share something else with you. I can see more love in here then I have ever seen anywhere else. Let me explain. Vicki and Robert are definitely in their 60´s and they are the sweetest couple ever. Robert calls her babe and sweetheart and names like that. I mean wow? Vicki had a new haircut some days ago and Robert still says things like :"Hey babe, you look gorgeous!!" and "Wow, your hair is beautiful!" to her... MEN, TAKE YOUR EXAMPLE! Say to your wife or girlfriend or just a female friend that they look beautiful. Notice their new clothes, hair-styles... Be the man. Robert is the man. And I love being around them. He even told me that I dont have to worry about finding a husband one day, I think u get the point. He thinks I am beautiful as well. And that makes me feel good about myself! Just be the man you are created to be. Dont be the "Im gonna watch sports all day long from TV and Im not gonna even notice my wife and kids" kind of guy. Be the man. Be the hero your wife needs you to be. And believe me in the presence of a hero every women is a heroin. Every woman wakes up as a flower wakes up to sun. Be the man you´re created to be. I am not ordering you, Im just telling there is a different way out then just sitting and being the quiet Sunday guy who has no adventures inside. Believe me, every man needs an adventure and a heroin to rescue.

I started to preach, fiiine, I´ll stop! :D No I won´t.
Actually when I saw "The King´s speech" I also noticed something about the lady there. She was always with him. She didn´t push him but supported him in his decisions. He was the real woman in the presence of his man. He wanted him to succeed and he did. She loved him so much and wow, what a woman. I mean he couldn´t speak properly and she just loved. He had a hidden anger inside and she loved. He was sad and she loved. He was almost failing and she loved. And then when he succeeded, she loved. Loved!
The end.

Ps! It´s my 3rd day without FB, so be patient with me if I haven´t answered to your letters. You can always e-mail me or skype me or smth like that. :)
Kirsi

Day2, part2: spring is here!

So, today Ive been working quite a lot actually. I thought I won´t but I wanted to help Vicki and Robert... I was cutting branches outside for 1,5 hours and did some other stuff. It was fun and I loved it actually even though I have cuts on my hands now. I am outdoor person. I have been walking a lot and just admiring the nature. Whoah, this is paradise on earth for me. And Im not kidding. It is breath-taking around here. Wow, I am amazed.

Plus the amount of animals Ive seen today... Haha, lets start with a squirrel who ran away from me in the morning. Then 3 wild rabbits, a grouse, huge amounts of ducks, not to mention lambs and sheep, and my most precious discovery is this beautiful bird starling (ooh and there are many here) and some other birds I dont know. I love this feeling of being in the nature. I mean I can just go outside and drown inside this beauty, I breath in and out and I feel refreshed.

I am thankful and I believe this is gonna be my year of rest finally. Even though I work, it feels like Im just helping my family! :)

Oh and just look at the color of this flower. There are flowers opening up everywhere... Uuuh I am in a season of spring finally!

Ps! I am gonna go to the movies in the evening, my first time in Wales. Chool! :D

Ps! Did I already mention I totally hit my head to a sealing in the night while I visited "the place"!! :D

Day2: Baby-lambs

My yesterday was strange and good. I slept most of the day. I woke up, went back to bed. Woke up, went back to bed. And in the evening went to sleep arpund 10pm again... I think Im getting back all those stolen sleeps in here that have been missing. Anyway. After the 3rd sleep I needed some fresh air and went outside to take pictures of the sheep. And I found what I was looking for: baby-sheep, little lambs. Wow, I was so amazed and so in love with them, but they wanted to run away of course. Im gonna continue visiting them so maybe in a while they will recognize me and let me be with them.
I have to say ppl in Wales are weird. Haha, well, let me explain. They eat so little all day long, salad or soup for lunch and then suddenly around 8pm they have such a huge feast. We had potatoes, vegetables, chicken and for dessert we had ice cream, custard (with amazing fruit in it), and I made something (I cant remember the name) from egg whites. It was crazy amount of food. And later we watched Surf´s Up! :) Good day I must say. A day of rest! :)
So today NO PLANS. Bueno. WHoohohoo. I am gonna sleep, eat and maybe go to a cinema. ;)
Hugs to you as you read this. I miss you very much (ok, maybe if I dunno you, then I dont know to miss you!)! :)

Day1: safely in Wales

Nr.1. Im not gonna use FB for a week starting today. You can send me a lot of stuff there so when I go back in a week Ill be shocked and surprised and loved! :)

Nr.2. Im good, I arrived yesterday night around 2.30am in Estonian time. It was hard times falling a sleep, it felt like a spiritual fight but then I left the door opened and fell straight to sleep!

Nr.3. I just looked out the window and it is true, THERE ARE BABY-SHEEP everywhere and this is new to me. Wow, so sweet... Im gonna take pics and post them here at one point.

Nr.4. I have an amazing friend in Estonia who came me her good camera. Well she bought a new one for herself BUT who gives away a camera that she got just a year ago and is still very very Good. I love you R! :)

Nr.5. Whenever you start to miss me, go to YOUTUBE.COM and listen to my songs. We made 2 really sweet videos with Margus just the night before I left Estonia and I believe you will be blessed by these videos!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bJzVnevswY0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DMtR39uGWhA

Nr.6. I love you and miss you already, my friend. But know Im safe here, Im loved here and blessed. Im with a family and Im with God. Yesterday this french man also tried to convince me in the airport that God does not excist and is invented for the weak people, BUT MY GOD excists not matter what people try to tell me. I have an awesome Daddy God who has changed my life and who is my strenght. And yes I am weak and He is strong in ME!

Nr.7. But this french man also told me I am a princess and in a way I believe he was sent by God!

Nr.8. I cant wait to see what God has for YOU! Let me know how are you, ok? If you keep a blog I dont know about, let me know! :) Write e-mails to me or write to FB, I will check it in a week. kirss_87@hotmail.com and kirsika.maamagi@mail.ee

Nr.9. Its gonna be a great day. :) Believe it and recieve it!

Nr.10. Sending my love to you and hugs! :)

Faithful Father

Freedom (Vabadus)

Faithful Father

So I got a revelation today.
Remember this song FAITHFUL FATHER that I sang allll the time after I came back from Denmark. Well, now I know why.
Back then I really had no idea who my Father really is. Ok, I knew who my earthly one ise, but I didnt know my Heavely Daddy. Now I know. And now when I sing this song, I know to WHO I am really singing! :) whooah!
So today we did a new version with Margus and here is the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bJzVnevswY0

Enjoy your Daddy´s love when u listen this! :)

Ester

I think she is amazing. She is pretty sick today, with a fever and hard coughing and she has been singing all day long. Playing on her own and just trying to handle the sickness in her tiny body. Now mum is reading her a bed-time story and then... off to sleep she goes.

Just an hour ago she wanted to play with me. I had a barbie and she had a barbie and then suddenly I had an idea. I wanted to dress up, so I put a dress on. She told me to put high heels as well, then ran to her room, took this crown and a stick and some fairy-wings and made me a princess. SHE MADE ME A PRINCESS. whooah. This is so freeing. I am a princess. And she is my little princess.

And Im gonna miss her very very much.

K

freedom

This is how I know what love is.

Saaremaa has been amazing so far. Wow, I have such a special family. And I have such a beautiful Daddy in heaven.
There is such a freedom in worship. God has been changing something in me and it is a bit scary but it is wonderful. I tell you this is WONDERFUL.
For freedom He has set us free. :) So one more time: for freedom HE has set US freeeee! :) Hallelujah.

Im sending hugs to everyone I know and dont know. I love you and know that you are created to worship God. :) He loves you, YOU are His and He is YOURS! :)

coz Im cool joujou

No seriously. Im cool. :D Haha, I put on big red earrings that a friend of mine made and then a red vest and Im gonna wear my cool new boots with of course RED laces... SAAREMAA, here I come ready or not! :D

A song

I just found the lyrics of the first song that I made... wow, I had no idea that I had made this one.
06.09.2006 in DENMARK!
***

She is empty
She´s searching and can´t find
Calling and can´t hear

O where are you?
She´s looking and can´t see
She´s hiding and can´t see

She is too afraid to fall
She is too afraid to hurt
She knows her life´s a mess
And she can´t help
Her eyes are just too closed
Her faith is just too weak
And she can´t help
---
Then He comes and she finds
Then He comes and she hears
Then He comes and she sees
She knows it´s Him
She knows it´s Jesus

Then He comes and lifts her up
Then He comes and gives her strenght
Then He comes and says "I love you"
And says "I love you"
And says "I love you"

She was empty
But now she has a God
She knows a place of safe
No more weakness
Coz now she has a God
Coz now she has a God

6 days

I have 6 days left in Estonia. And when I think about it I get teary-weary.
I had another awesome day yesterday. Woke up early of course, then took a long morning doing nothing and well actually I cleaned secretly here when all the girls had to go to school or work and... aroun 12ish went to a huge mall with Elana. Did some 3 hours shopping, just walking, bought 2-3 little things, nothing big at all. I have almost all things from my list by now (I made a huge list what to bring to Wales) and that feels good. :) Had a great time there, just not running or anything... Later we went to Elana´s place, she made me a wonderful lunch and ooooh she made chocolate cake which melted in my mouth, seriously the best thing EVER. THE BEST. :)
Vivia joined us for a bit and then we went to Jenny´s home-group. Wonderful prayer, worship etc. Uuuh I loved these girls, women of Daddy! They are soooo precious and priceless. Pure gold in my life! :)

So my last day in Tartu. wow. wowowowowowow. I´ll be back here in 7 months and thats a bit scary... :)

Anyways. Love and hugs.

:)

I think I had the greatest women´s day ever. I dont remember celebrating it before in my 23 years but yesterday. wow. Let me start from the beginning.

I woke up early, that was not so great, then I cried a bit, not so great either.

But then I took an 11 o´clock bus to Tartu and arrived at 1.pm. Called Elana and she was free, wow. And so I bought a huge cake for 2 of us, some potato salad and went to her place. We had such a sweet time. Talked, watched through her wedding pics, talked some more, couldnt finish the cake... ;)

So after that... Well, she had to go to work at 3.45 so I went to a huge mall, sat in a huge book store an hour and used free Internet. ;) Then met with Liina, she is wonderful btw. We went to a cafe and Vivia (she is the best of bests in my life) joined us a bit later. Uuuuh such a great time with soup and another cake and... well let me say, I just enjoyed being a woman yesterday.

But in the middle another cool thing happened. Well, when I was walking to Elana´s place a sweet young man approached me on a street, handed me some flowers, gave me a hug and kiss on a cheek and... well, I know I know, he was from Reformierakond, politics and stuff, BUT it was still sweet and cool. And I enjoyed being a beautiful woman. ;)

So after cafe I met another good friend for 20 minutes outside. Said goodbye to him for 7 months at least and... then walked home with Vivia. And spent the evening with Andrea, Vivia and Eeva. Well all of them did their own stuff and I kinda ran from one to another but it was GREAT. I mean I got to spend the day with 5 beautiful amazing and talented women!!! What more could I want? :) and ps! I made something small for every one of them and believe me, what can bring you more pleasure then seeing their smiling faces and hearts filled with joy, I loooove it! :)

And here I am now. Its 8am and Im drinking tea and just enjoying the morning without Mr.Morrisson... :D

Ooh and here is one picture from summer 2010. Elana+Mihkel´s wedding. I think its a wonderful picture. :)

Hugs to you todaaaaay. :)

Issi

"Ilusat Naistepäeva ilusale tütrele!"

:)

Dear women!

This is to all my wonderful ladies out there:

* You are wonderfully and fearfully made!

* God loves YOU and I love you!

* You are the crown of the creation, God made you last, without you the picture would be incomplete!

* You are perfect!

* May this day be amazing for you and full of love and hope!!!!

* Im sending a hug to everyone of you!

* And remember: WOMEN ARE MYSTERIES TO BE ENJOYED, NOT PROBLEMS TO BE SOLVED!

* Have a wonderful International Women´s day!

day

it was a very good day. I think. and it was a very hard day. I know.

I have been missing him so much in the last few days. and Im not gonna lie. I am just a little bit down lately. still not understanding the plan of God but trusting.

and Im going to be honest about another thing. see, the reason why I take more pictures of myself (lately) is that somehow Im lacking self-confidence now. its like somehow I dont feel worthy and beautiful and good enough. somehow I feel like Im not who I should be so I want people to tell me that I am.

see, there is this scripture in Bible: ALL BEAUTIFUL YOU ARE MY DARLING; THERE IS NO FLAW IN YOU. and I pray that I would recieve that revelation as soon as possible because I know that taking pictures is not gonna help me. other peoples sayings are not going to help me. missing him is not gonna help me. getting all these compliments is not gonna help me.
my daddy and him only is the one to come through with this revelation.

so dont judge me if I take too many pictures. Im just a bit confused. see, in a way I also know that Im pretty but somehow its twisted. I once wrote a blog about this make-up thing. as soon as I have make-up on I feel beautiful and good. and then when in the end of the day Im removing it... believe me you dont want to know whats going on in my head. yes, Im honest right now. you are seeing me naked. not physically but emotionally.

but Im rather naked then hiding and running.

so bear with me.

hug me and love me the way I am.

I was in a church today. and the pastor was praying about our future husbands and wives. I mean the ones who were single of course. wow. I have never heard a pastor praying about this topic. I loved it and almost started crying. it was so beautiful. thank you.
and now here I am, its 9.23.pm. Im really super excited about the coming weekend and the whole week in general. going to Tartu for 2 days and then on Friday going to Saaremaa.
my last week in Estonia. bye bye my dear country. but Im coming back and one day Im gonna marry an estonian. well, at least I hope so.

yours, naked Kirsika. ;)

beibi its a new day

I woke up with an awful stomachpain and had to run to the toilet. Oh well, 6.20. am. Another early morning... I mean I cant fall a sleep after waking up, some can, I cant. Tried that, big fail.

But its a new day. A brand new day.
Im gonna have a little pancake-thingy today with 2 friends. They´ll be here around 1pm and then I´ll go to a concert with a cousin whom I love very very very much. She is awesome!!! ;)

Saturday.
Im gonna go to Tartu on Tueseday. I really have to meet with some people before I´ll leave for 6-7 months. Its crazy, Im gonna miss all my beautiful friends. Oh well, its just a time to move on for me. But I know that deep friendships remain!!!! :)

HUGS for today! :)
K

Curls

Now, who said that my hair never gets curly?


WOW. You were the painting, Jesus was the model and God was the artist!

...

I have sleeping problems. I pray that they would pass but so far... well. Anyway I wake up very early, every morning around 7am or earlier... So today was no exception.

But today I decided to do something different.

I wanted my home to smell good.

So I made muesli with a looot of chocolate.

And believe me, there is nothing better then the smell of home-made muesli with chunks of chocolate in it... And its 3.pm and my home still smells sooo good.

I also had a visitor today. Wow, we had such a good conversation and I hadnt seen this person for sooo long. I love these tea-conversations. You just take the biggest cup you have and then you can just talk and talk... Its been a very good day so far. :)

So this is the crazy family that the story was about... :)